Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

Shatter the Shame of PPD and Anxiety

Often, she who sits inside of depression or anxiety cannot see it. She feels alone. Unworthy. Worried. She assumes that she’s less than. A new mother may have an even harder time recognizing the symptoms of PPD and anxiety. She will likely assume that her tears are caused by hormones, leaky breasts, and sleepless nights.

I want her to know that she’s not alone. That she’s not broken, and that she will again see the light around her and inside of her.

Today, I’m honored and excited to announce that I, along with 34 other women, have opened up about our postpartum experiences in the important anthology Mothering Through the Darkness. Together, we hope to help shatter the shame of PPD and Anxiety. 

An excerpt from my essay, His Baby Watermelon Head:

“I knew that parenting might be rough. I’d been warned about sleepless nights, baby spit-up in my hair and on my prized new sofa, and about the wonder and horror associated with breast milk coming in.

I expected to love the unexpected. The stuff that the books didn’t tell me about. I looked forward to it.

And honestly, mostly, at least with hindsight, I know that I held on for the rides. Waking myself with snores at 3:00 am, sitting in his nursing chair with my neck and my boobs dangling down while he slept on my lap was cool with me. I hadn’t read about it, but I figured we won. We slept, anyway.

Still though, there was unexpected ugliness. The type that brought me to my knees, over and over.

I didn’t expect that sometimes, on some days, my brain would turn against my heart, and scream to me about how horrible I was. How the hateful whispers of “YOU DO NOT DESERVE” would make me want to cover my thoughts the way that children cover their ears. I knew that anybody who’d lived the life that I had; full of past binges, a divorce, smoking, and all the other things just didn’t deserve.

Nobody told me that I’d picture my perfect little newborn’s head going “splat!” bright red and broken, like a dropped watermelon on my hardwood floors. That I’d picture his broken head, every single time I carried him.”


If you, or somebody in your life is experiencing postpartum depression or anxiety, let her know that she’s not alone.

Help us to Shatter the Shame of PPD and Anxiety. #endPPDmyths

Shatter the shame around PPD -findingninee.com

Mothering Through the Darkness was co-edited by the amazing women Jessica Smock and Stephanie Sprenger of HerStories Project, and published by She Writes Press. Meet the contributors.


  • Dana - I so, so hope that the mothers who need this book will find it. And the mothers who don’t need it anymore will read it and are thankful for the light in their lives.

    Congrats, Kristi – you did good.November 3, 2015 – 4:35 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw thanks, Dana. I so hope the mothers that need it will find it as well. And that those who don’t are thankful for their light. xo to you and YES LUNCH SOON. How’s Friday looking? Let’s DM.November 3, 2015 – 10:54 pmReplyCancel

  • Allie - Great post. I’m so proud of you, and around ticstand with you. I read your essay today and it is amazing. Like you. Love you, A.November 3, 2015 – 5:05 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You are amazing. I just read your essay and wow. You and I had so many similarities. I love you, too. And I’m proud of you.November 3, 2015 – 10:55 pmReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - Huge congrats on being a part of this wonderful book and your except was so very powerful, real and from the heart. I now want to read the rest of it, too.November 3, 2015 – 5:47 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Janine. I really appreciate you saying so and I want to read the rest of it, too!November 3, 2015 – 11:05 pmReplyCancel

  • JT Walters - You rocked it. It is finally okay to tell women that whatever they feel is apart is okay because having a baby is a tremendous ADJUSTMENT. It is not all Gerber baby stuff and it can be very overwhelming. They key is to get help if you need it.

    Thank you for opening up about this incredibly important topic because families are sacred and your openness may be saving them or giving that timid Mother the strength to reach out for help.

    You never fall short of expectation…absolutely phenomenal!November 3, 2015 – 7:13 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - So so true, thank you thank you. It finally IS time to tell women that they are allowed to ask for help. Thank you!!!November 3, 2015 – 11:05 pmReplyCancel

  • April G - I’ve experienced the wildest of worst case scenario dreams. I am happy that none have come to pass.November 3, 2015 – 7:59 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I still have them at times. Tucker, falling into a river or a lake or a ditch. Or me… but thank you for saying that. I really appreciate it.November 3, 2015 – 11:06 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - Sigh. Gorgeous. I’m going to cry at every chapter, right? I’ve already pretty much figured out that this book will impact me so deeply.November 3, 2015 – 8:33 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Probably to the crying at every chapter. I haven’t read the whole thing yet – I have to pace myself. xo youNovember 3, 2015 – 11:07 pmReplyCancel

  • Bev - I’m looking forward to reading this book. PPD & Anxiety was something I definitely worried about before I had my daughter. I know several woman who have suffered — it is important that the stigma be erased. Thank you for sharing your story!November 3, 2015 – 8:50 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thank you so much Bev. I am glad it wasn’t an issue for you, so so much.November 3, 2015 – 11:08 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Wow what an excerpt! I can’t even imagine the pain of PPD. Just early motherhood in general was hard and lonely. I remember getting something from the hospital that we received in our check out class. They urged us to keep it on the refrigerator for at least a year and it was bullet points of feelings like you list above and more. I never needed to call anyone, but I faithfully held onto it until I thought I wasNovember 4, 2015 – 9:00 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kenya, I don’t even know if I had it! But I had visions of accidentally dropping him, fear, loneliness, and so wish I weren’t alone then. I wish I’d gotten what you had at check-out class. That sounds wonderful. I never needed to call anyone either but wow, I wish I’d known then what I do now, ya know?November 4, 2015 – 10:16 pmReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth - Consider this important message shared!November 4, 2015 – 10:26 amReplyCancel

  • Sandra - Wow. Just wow. That’s exactly what I include in my speech to my new mothers at work when I’m talking to them about PPD. I tell them that if they ever envision throwing their baby against a wall and watching the head go splat, then they need to realize they aren’t alone in this thought, and there is an entire community of women out there to support them. Actually, I’m to start including the name of this book when I give my PPD speech. This book should be given to all new moms leaving the hospital. Your words are beautiful and heartbreaking all at once, but so many of us relate.November 6, 2015 – 8:09 pmReplyCancel

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