Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

What Will 2017 Bring Us?

It’s almost 2017, and part of me is broken. I look at life and prejudice and hate and rape culture and Aleppo and feel sadness that even the best of hugs and cheesiest of nachos can’t fully defrost.

I want to stop watching the news but it’s everywhere.

There’s hate on Twitter and Facebook and even on the TV when all I really want to find is the original Rudolph movie, complete with Yukon Cornelius and the Abominable Snowman.

There are days when I worry about being human, and wonder what the parts of us made from more are thinking, except that they’re fused with our messiest us-ness.

I remember that we’re a bowl of hope and despair and stardust and angst and manic remote-control-button-pushers, searching for the Rudolph movie.

But, there’s also the unexpected. Like the day that my not-so-little-little-boy’s school saw the police brigade protect Santa’s visit.

Like the moment driving to a make-up swim lesson.

“Mommy, I should wait to find a wife until I’m 30, right?”

“Well, yes, ideally, but sometimes finding-a-partner-love happens sooner or later, and sometimes we think we’ve found it but we were wrong.”

“But how will I know if she picked me?”

“Oh buddy, it’s not about her picking you. It’s about you picking each other by accident and having fun while eating nachos or burgers and all of a sudden, you’ve done that like a bunch of times, and you realize you would rather eat burgers or nachos with that person more than anybody else.”

“I like eating nachos and burgers with you,” he says.

And I hid my tears, because although he’s seven now, he’s also still more mine than the future’s, although the future sits on my nightstand.

The future sits there even now, sometimes in his Thinker-pose, and at others, running gleefully from my water bottle to the books stacked up.

Sometimes, he laughs at me and jumps beneath the bed to remind me of childhood things. Mostly, though, the future waits for us on my night stand and we high-five in the night when my son comes to get me.

That’s another milestone averted for sure.

Late at night, I ask the future what will come to pass this year, in 2017, but he only provides the most obvious of observations.

Drivel such as “It won’t be this year, but soon, your little boy will be taller than you are.”

I gather Tucker to me, and realize he’s up to my collarbone now, and somehow, I don’t cry.

I remember the Christmas when he was this big, and I thank the future for all of our pasts and our nows, because I know that Future gets a bum rap at times, when we forget. I vow to not forget.

Other drivel reminds us that we’re living in the moments as the world burns in places. That while images of Aleppo are in my mind, I continue to tuck my son into bed.

That he continues to believe in Santa. Oh friends, he TOTALLY believes and I live that. 

That a mom from school today told me that Tucker reminds her of a boy from the 50’s, so sweet and pure.

I didn’t tell her that when he was three, we were sure Tucker had autism. I didn’t tell her that he’s naive because of neurological things, but maybe, I’ll send this to her and share.

It’s almost 2017, and I’m not yet done with 2016.

There are some moments to record, some photos to take, art projects to draw, and discussions to have, like me answering the whole “So, when a husband pollinates a wife…” (HELP APPRECIATED HERE). 

2017 will be filled with grief and despair, and we know this. It will also be filled with milestones, light, magic and little kid’s voices telling us that they need us at 3am. The 3am part is both, friends. It’s both light and memories and also weariness and unrest. Like life, and like 2017. Like all of the years, gifted to us.

***
This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post. This week’s sentence is “It’s almost 2017, and…”

Finish the sentence Friday writing prompt

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  • Emily - Images of Aleppo have been on my mind as well…it’s so awful and truly unbelievable that this is happening on our planet. But, I’m glad you also mentioned the happiness of Tucker and Santa and believing and nachos and burgers, because that good stuff is what keeps us all going in the right direction.December 15, 2016 – 9:51 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Emily, It’s SO awful. It’s so awful and I can’t stop thinking about it. And yeah, Santa and nachos. Those are happy things. And burgers. MMM.December 16, 2016 – 6:16 pmReplyCancel

  • JT Walters - ❤️❤️❤️The picture of Tucker in the Santa hat. It is so Tucker. 2017 I proclaim as our year!

    I think the world is what ordinary people make of it. I plan on it being an extraordinary year.

    Every year Alex surprises me with something new. Tucker will do the same.

    Time is stealing your baby away as it does to all of us. Thomas Acquinas to throw a flag on this blog because you can only have two consciousness of time without sacrificing the third. Think it terms of past, present and future, you sacrifice your present and future.

    What is guaranteed is today. Enjoy every minute you have with Tucker. It pays off in dividends for both you and him.

    So Tucker has a crush on a girl at school??December 15, 2016 – 9:58 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I know…I love that photo of Tucker in the Santa hat. It’s in a Christmas ornament that I keep on my desk all year long! And yeah, I’m enjoying every moment with him for sure. Well, most of them. And he’s got several crushes as far as I know. <3December 16, 2016 – 6:17 pmReplyCancel

  • Crystal - There really is so much, too much ugliness in the world, sometimes I think I forget to look for the good stuff, and there really is good stuff. So much of it surrounds me, right here in my home and reading about your little man just now made me think about it. I needed to think about it tonight . . .December 15, 2016 – 10:11 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw, I’m glad you thought about it Crystal. It’s there, in the little things. Hugs to you!December 16, 2016 – 6:18 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerry - I don’t see the images but I feel them. My heart hurts. My chronic physical pain and my psychological pain for this world often blend together and my empathetic muscle aches. I do love how you described romantic love to Tucker though. Brilliant.
    I have to believe that the future and 2017 will contain so many unknown, beautiful things. I just have to.December 16, 2016 – 1:21 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I have to believe that the future holds unexpected loveliness too Kerry. I have to. Here’s to believing together.December 16, 2016 – 6:28 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - 2017 will be filled with dark and light, you are right. I need to be reminded of the light sometimes, because the dark seems so big and scary.

    I love your personification of the Future – is it wrong that I imagine him as the troll who sits under the bridge?December 16, 2016 – 3:53 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - It’s hard to remember sometimes though, right? LOL I love that you picture the Future as the troll under the bridge. Not wrong at all!December 16, 2016 – 6:29 pmReplyCancel

  • Nina - You explained well what’s on the mind of so many– how hard it is to balance knowledge of all the terrible things with living our day to day lives and still experiencing and appreciating joy. So tricky.December 18, 2016 – 9:29 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - The whole experiencing joy while experiencing horror and grief is hard, but maybe necessary, right?December 18, 2016 – 7:13 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - The whole experiencing joy while experiencing horror and grief is hard, but maybe necessary to keep on keeping on I suppose. Thank you!December 20, 2016 – 7:16 pmReplyCancel

  • Allie G smith - I think you should share this with that mom…Just saying. I’m definitely ready for 2017. And I think it’s sad that being sweet and pure reminds people of the 1950s. Hunter’s like that, too. I love it.December 19, 2016 – 2:43 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I get so lame and shy about sharing. Ugh. I think it’s sad, too, that being sweet and naive reminds people of the 50’s. So much love and Merry Holidays to you and yours, Allie! (We just had photos taken on Sunday… can you say BEHIND??).December 20, 2016 – 7:38 pmReplyCancel

  • My Inner Chick - **2017 will be filled with grief and despair, and we know this. It will also be filled with milestones, light, magic**

    Kristi, you feel SO DEEPLY, so strongly. I believe this is the reason I hear your heartbeat.

    Tucker is beautiful & so are you.

    Much Love flowing from COoold Minnesota.

    xxxxx MERRY CHRISTMAS.December 21, 2016 – 7:57 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I hear and love your heartbeat right back (and that saying is fabulous). xoxo and much love from not-a-white-Christmas-in-DC <3December 22, 2016 – 7:25 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @TheGoldenSpoons - My oh-so-independent 14 year old daughter vows that she will never get married because she can take care of herself and doesn’t need to be dependent on a guy. The thought of her never getting married makes me almost as sad as the thought of her getting married! 🙂 My Facebook memories one the last week have been like heart daggers – all the pictures from Christmases past with little girls who still had magic in their eyes. I miss that past but just as much I look forward to the future.December 27, 2016 – 3:26 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - This watching the growing up thing is amazing, huh? It’s painful and wonderful and just wow. Awww to your FB memories. I haven’t been on much – I’ll have to go see which you shared. I got one of Tucker two years ago singing part of 12 Days of Christmas and OHHHH, wow.December 28, 2016 – 7:05 pmReplyCancel

  • Linda Atwell - Out One Ear - Sweet. That is all I can say about this. Sweet. Except that Tucker is now up to your armpit and it won’t be long till he is taller than that. I think, in these troubling times, the best thing to do is enjoy all the sweetness. Hugs to you, my friend. And, Happy New Year!December 28, 2016 – 9:22 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - He’s so big, and it is so right and also so much sooner than I’d planned on, looking back at the boring days of “It’s 3pm and I will NEVER make it until tonight” times. Happy happy New Year to you, too, filled with a bajillion hugs and so much love and sweetness.December 28, 2016 – 10:21 pmReplyCancel

  • Echo - I try so hard to shelter myself from the shit storm out there, because I have a hard enough time with the one that is happening in my head.

    Yes, we are on borrowed time. Yes, our boys are naive about things. Yes, my 10 year old still believes in Santa and even though he drives me INSANE, people tell me he is the sweetest, kindest, gracious and most charming child ever. So, if he can act that way in public, I must be doing something right, right? RIGHT?!

    Anyway, I decided to on guarantees in 2017 because the could be’s are too much to bare.December 29, 2016 – 10:41 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You are doing so much right Echo! Here’s to charming, kind, sweet and awesome kids and to the shit storms in our heads calming down this year. Or something. And whiskey in a jar.January 4, 2017 – 1:37 pmReplyCancel

  • Just Call Me Jane - You have such a beautiful way with words, Kristi. I love the sweet way Tucker declared his love for you. Wishing you a peaceful 2017.December 31, 2016 – 8:54 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw thank you Jane! I really appreciate it and wish you a peaceful and wonderful 2017.January 4, 2017 – 1:37 pmReplyCancel

  • Yvonne - As always this is lovely, particularly when you write about Tucker and his young wisdom! It’s wonderful to see how he is growing – not just growing up but growing into himself.
    And yes, there’s a shit storm, or many shit storms our there in the world right now, but we can get through them and come out stronger. We are a huge mix of everything you describe and more, and if we adults can listen enough to the children, they just might show us how.January 1, 2017 – 4:39 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I like your idea of listening to the children, Yvonne. Mine sure is wise when it comes to magic and wonder. Happy 2017 – I hope it’s a year of unexpected greatness.January 4, 2017 – 2:34 pmReplyCancel

  • Louise - What a beautiful post to reflect on things past and present with. While I know 2017 will bring a mix of good and not so good to both mine and the world I look forward with hope. Happy New Year to you and yours as well!

    And I love the bit about at age 7 they being still more yours than the world. I feel the same. Growing independence, but still so lovingly mine 🙂January 3, 2017 – 3:25 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Age 7 is a good one, right? I love it and try to remember that each age will have its own magic because if not I get sad that the time is going way too fast! Here’s to 2017 being full of hope and love and better than we think it might be!January 4, 2017 – 2:45 pmReplyCancel

  • Marcia @ Menopausal Mother - I would love to see all the negativity disappear off social media. Less hate-filled status updates and more animal or cute little kid memes for 2017!!! Hey—Sorry it has taken me so long to get back over here to leave a comment—-I was completely swallowed up by the holidays!!January 4, 2017 – 12:30 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Hi Marcia! Happy 2017! And yes, less hate-filled crap on social media. That would be amazing. Now I need to go find some cute kid and animal memes!January 4, 2017 – 2:46 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Ironically I just looked at the title of my first post from last year and it was “Facebook Won’t Get the Best of Me this Year”. That was the beginning of one of many facebook hiatuses. I might take another one before January 20th.

    Anyway…..

    Love that picture of Tucker and I love how you told him that we find love by accident. 😉January 5, 2017 – 1:51 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Ugh to the Facebook and the recurring breaks. And to getting back there, because connections and love in between the other crap. xoxo and I do believe we find love by accident, even sometimes with friends online.January 7, 2017 – 10:50 pmReplyCancel

  • Rabia @ The Liebers - I’m so glad for 2017 to be here. I don’t want to jinx myself, but it has to be better than 2016, right?!January 6, 2017 – 2:00 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I’m scared to say either way, but here’s to love and hope this year for all of us!January 7, 2017 – 10:50 pmReplyCancel

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