Like many of us, I get attached to my cars. Well, except the ugly Government Mobile that my dad bought my brother and me because it just plain sucked (and yes, it’s “me” and not “I”). However, when you’re in high school, even the suckiest, most embarrassing car is a car. And having an occasional car is pretty much all that counts. Even when it melts your friend’s boyfriend’s wallet.
I was pretty attached to my Jeep, which is the first car that I bought myself. I drove it for 11 years until one day, after paying $3500 to have the engine fixed, I picked it up, and it caught on fire after successfully passing an (also paid for) emissions test.
I kept that burned-up Jeep in my garage for almost two years, wondering how I could justify spending the money to repair it. I did eventually say goodbye to it (which still makes me sad). Then, I had a couple of used cars, and, finally, a brand-spanking new convertible (midlife crisis? who cares!) which is what I was driving when Tucker was born. I loved it. But he didn’t like riding with the top down, and since I quit my job before my lady bits had even healed, was hard to justify the expense.
So I got my next car. Lurved. The entire roof was a sunroof/glass, people. Tucker could look up and see the sun, or the moon. The iPhone/iPod synch was awesome, the navigation ruled, and I just liked it. Yesterday, the lease was up and Robert wanted to look for something “cheaper.” Upon visiting the dealership, I’ll tell you – I was completely prepared to whine and offer B.J. coupons in order to buy out my lease and keep my car. I spent most of our entire test-drive seeing what was less cool about it than my current car, while trying to figure out how to bring my husband’s thinking around to the fact that, sometimes, a little extra money each month is very much worth it (should I play the Tucker card or was that too much?).
Oh. In case you think I was a dick for thinking about the Tucker card? He gets attached to things, too. Here’s him saying goodbye to my old car. He kissed the door.
Obviously, I was less than thrilled with my husband’s idea of the car that I should begin to drive but then saw this OTHER car…
Oh and friends! It’s like they made a dumbshit-safe car! Here are some of the things about my new (because of course I bought it) dummy-proof car that I’m thankful for:
- Keyless entry. You walk within something like 32 inches of the door with the key in your pocket and the door unlocks. The best part of this is that if you’re a dumbass like me who tries to lock her key in her trunk, it won’t let you! It’s dumbass-proof!
- Push button start. Yup. Keys in your pocket. Which is actually sortof weird, but I’ll never have try to unlock the wrong car again. Ok, probably, I will, but whatever.
- It will read my text messages to me (that is, if I ever figure out how to set that up because God forbid I spend an extra 15 minutes at the dealership having them help me).
- Cameras and sensors. If I veer out of my lane, or approach a car too quickly from behind? It beeps at me (thankful that I can turn this off when it drives me nuts). When you flip on the right-hand turn signal, you see this:
- When you back up, you see this:
- There are no cheddar bunnies in the back seat! (ok that’s not really an anti-dummy feature, and is something that won’t last very long, but still, is something I’m quite thankful for today).
- Tucker wasn’t big-time thrilled about “Mommy’s Car” being left behind. BUT! Because I got this new dummy-proof car in black, I told him that it was Batman’s car and he’s mostly cool. No meltdown. Thankful.
A dummy-proof car! Wha-hoo! Plus, it’s cheaper than my last car so hubs and I are thankful about that, too.
The moral? While my husband was wrong in what he thought we’d be doing yesterday as far as getting a new car, I was wrong, too, in that I thought there was nothing that would make me happy other than the one that I had. A dummy-proof car makes me very happy and thankful.
Alright. I’m going to wrap this up now. It’s getting harder to be almost mildly not very amusing. While I am very thankful that Denver is playing in the Super Bowl, right this minute, I just watched Pey Pey throw an interception, we’re losing, and I flipped off the television while growling less-than thankful words.
I am thankful for my new car that won’t let me be a dumbass, and that The Donkeys are playing tonight. I’m also thankful that the game’s not over yet. Once John Elway gives Peyton a little advice, we can maybe still win this thing.
Update. It’s past half-time and WTF DENVER???? GRRR. I mean, oops. I’m glad we went to the Super Bowl. It’s not over (it’s totally fucking over). And there’s always next year right (is Peyton retiring or will this give us one more year)?
What are you thankful for right now?