Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

A Humorous Look at Practicing Self Care

You’re familiar with mindfulness, meditation, and self care, but not because you’ve consciously practiced them.

Decide to practice them.

Sit on your floor in the quiet, hands placed just-so on your knees, and tell your brain to be still. It’ll be anything but.

Should you move house for a bigger yard? Your ankle itches.

Is it wrong to scratch during meditation? Certainly, scratching an itch is self-care. Scratch.

Look at your phone. It laughs at you. You’re supposed to be still and quiet-brained for ten minutes. It hasn’t even been three minutes.

It’s been 2:42. Two minutes and 42 seconds. 

You stretch and try again after sticking your tongue out at your phone who continues to mock your lame-o “meditation.”

“This meditation WILL happen,” you say. Say it silently, because you’re not supposed to talk to your phone or yourself.

Tell yourself “This is practicing self care.” Leave out the damnit, because self care is more zen than swear words. You think. 

Wonder about swear words and quiet.

Wonder if it’s okay to NOT be quiet, because it’s being present or something. Pause your phone timer and Google it.

A friend, with another hundred mindful meditators have a hundred different answers. You figure you’re as smart as they are and try again without reading.

“Did I pay the credit card this month?” your brain asks.

“Shhhhh,” you reply.

Relax.

“Wait. DID YOU?” Now you’re not sure and you know you can check in 10 minutes but come-on-already, this is stupid.

Focus.

You’re supposed to be self caring.

Try again.

Think about crumbs under the kitchen table. Chastise yourself because you recently noticed your son’s slob-crumbs grab onto chair feet as they slide on the floor as your son slides on the chair. The floor you love so much has scratches in it. Scratches from toast crumbs of all things.

“Stop thinking about toast crumbs!”

You breathe in more deeply. Reach your head to the sky, straightening your spine.

“OW!”

“Gawd, I need a massage.”

“So book one already. Duh.”

“Maybe I just will!” That would be self care!

Your stomach rumbles. It’s not your stomach. Wonder if farting is part of mindfulness, meditation, and self care. Decide that it definitely is because BODY but then think about for-real monks who practice this with other people around. Surely they don’t fart. Or, do they? Is that zen?

OMG. BE MEDITATING already. Meditating is self care! STOP thinking about farts. Are you a seven-year-old boy?

Giggle. And think, “well, yeah, sort of…”

You check your phone again because certainly it’s been 10 minutes by now but you’re still on 2:42 because you never un-paused it after Googling how people meditate.

Your phone laughs at you again and you don’t throw it at the wall because most of the time, you love it. It remembers phone numbers and stuff that you’d forgotten how to remember years ago, back when remembering something like that made sense to.

Wonder about kids today, and whether they’ll be dumber because they don’t have to memorize phone numbers. Or write with their hands, really.

Smile and wave to the 80’s, when speakers were huge, people had mullets, and phone numbers were written down or memorized. When calendars didn’t make noises at you except with multi-colored Post-It reminders.

Decide that sitting on the floor trying to meditate isn’t what self care looks like for you. Get up, and put on some boots and a jacket. Sit outside. Think about how you’re your own weak spot.

Remember that mama in France, or in Syria. 

Un-relax. 

Decide to walk.

Think “Aahhh, this feels good.”

Realize it’s cold and dark and that it’s after 11pm and that you just left your sleeping son and husband at home and what if something happens and you’re not there?

Head back. Stop in front of a neighbor’s house and wonder how they self care. See the inconsistent light patterns in an upstairs window from a TV and find comfort that Netflix counts as self care, too. Pat yourself on the back for watching “This is Us” in record time while your family slept a week ago.

Add points for all the nachos you didn’t eat during binging, because eating nachos would have been good with “This is Us.”

Make a note to have nachos for the next episode.

Walk back inside, and vow to be better with self care, tomorrow.

Decide that winners don’t wait for tomorrow.

Sit down on the floor, right then. Posture is good. Rather than closing your eyes, stretch your legs. Don’t count the seconds.

Feel that this feels good. That self care is sometimes found in things like stretching your legs. 

Remember being a pro at hip-hopping with your son to “This is My House” earlier. 

Sit up straighter.

Think about ordering a needlepoint thing for the wall that says “You are enough.” Remember you don’t really like needlepoint things.

Breathe.

Stand.

Raise your arms above your head, and whisper “goodnight” to the faces on the bathroom wall.

Head upstairs to read, pausing to fill a thermos with ice water.

When you wake thirsty in the middle of the night, the ice won’t yet have melted.

Drink.

Breathe.

Settle back down and know that sometimes, you really are enough and that your self care practices are enough, too.

Decide it’d still be good to learn to meditate and walk more though.

***

kristi rieger campbell finished post for finding nineeThis has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post.
This week’s sentence is “When it comes to self care…”

 

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  • Debi - Netflix is self-care. Walking is self-care. Candy Crush is self-care. My self-care is all of those things, plus also chopping bright colored vegetables and admiring them before they cook. For real. It’s weird, but it works for me. You do you! 🙂February 2, 2017 – 10:15 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Here’s to Netflix and walking. And hey, if chopping bright colored vegetables works for you, go for it. We have to take what we can get in this world today for sure.February 3, 2017 – 8:26 pmReplyCancel

  • Zoe - OMG. ALL so true…remember when I went to see the monk on the mountain? He farted in the middle of the conversation then stepped outside to air out his robes!!! When I. Was teaching meditation I used to tell people distraction was normal because if youre not literally deaf, try not to hear a car drive by or some other noise….better yet …right now ….try to stop thinking about pink elephants with purple polkadots! This was great! Im gonna send the link to a few students.February 3, 2017 – 2:18 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I DO remember the monk on the mountain! LOL to airing out his robes. That was quite mindful of him, I’d say. I’m NOT thinking about pink elephants with purple polkadots. I’M NOT. Thanks huge for sending the link. You’re wonderful.February 3, 2017 – 8:28 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - I think the only way for me to silence “distracting” is to listen to music that has lyrics and that’s not exactly meditating is it? That’s pretty much the only time I don’t think about a million other things is if I’m singing. I guess singing and thinking of things is like patting your head and rubbing your tummy. It’s really bad that I don’t listen to anything in the car so that I can think and say things out loud for Siri to remind me of. Self care for me would be turning the radio on.

    LOVE LOVE LOVE This Is Us!!!February 3, 2017 – 10:14 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Hey woman. Whatever works works, right? Are you a good singer? I love belting out along with songs but I’m horribly off-key. Also I think listening to music with lyrics counts for self-care. Maybe, that’s just me but I forget all about everything in the world when I’m engrossed in a song. Tucker does the same, although he runs laps, too… which I think is his version. I keep meaning to film it.
      AND YES THIS IS US! I was sad there was no episode this week!February 3, 2017 – 9:15 pmReplyCancel

      • Kenya G. Johnson - Yes I was super disappointed now show this week. I usually watch the next day and got myself all set up with a laundry basket full of clothes and so I didn’t fold either. I’m one of those “I can sing in the shower” people. I can hold a tune but I’d never try karaoke and be serious about it.February 3, 2017 – 9:29 pmReplyCancel

        • Kristi Campbell - I did karaoke one time only. The DJ got on stage with me because that’s how badly I sucked. Why new show this week, anyway?? Here’s to next week.February 3, 2017 – 10:03 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - Reading is self-care for me – meditation just doesn’t seem my speed. But when I’m reading, I forget everything else, and that’s just what I need!

    A woman in front of me in class at the gym yesterday farted, and it was all I could do not to laugh. That’s reason #1 I don’t take yoga.February 3, 2017 – 2:58 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Reading is HUGE for me. I’d not done enough of it for the past few years but I’ve read my entire life, and am back into it again. I’m listening to Yellow Crocus right now on audio books… don’t know if you’re the one who told me about that or not, but if not you, it’s AMAZING. I’m also reading- reading The Ramblers. I think I like it but I’m not as sucked into it as I am Yellow Crocus.
      I forget everything else when reading too. AND LOL to the woman farting in front of you. Did she look embarrassed???February 3, 2017 – 9:42 pmReplyCancel

  • Rabia @ The Liebers - I’m pretty sure I’d get sidetracked by farts and crumbs too. Or else I’d fall asleep!!February 3, 2017 – 4:00 pmReplyCancel

  • Yvonne - Yay, love it Kristi! I’ve been meditating for years, and I still have times like yours sometimes! 🙂 But it is worth it, and taking a humorous look at mediation is definitely a cool thing to do! I have a feeling the Dalai Lama himself would approve!February 3, 2017 – 6:04 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Yvonne! I love the idea that the Dali Lama himself would approve!!! xoxoFebruary 3, 2017 – 10:00 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Lol Dana! I think in yoga class I’d be meditating on not farting.February 3, 2017 – 9:31 pmReplyCancel

  • Echo - Our thought processes are so similar, hahaha! Seriously! “Take 5 minutes for yourself” and then, I have a hard time going more than 2 minutes without overthinking or worrying! It’s all just the Sanitarium in our own minds and sometimes, Whiskey in a Jar is the best little escape!February 5, 2017 – 10:17 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - OMG the whole Sanitarium in our own minds!!!! Here’s to Whiskey in a Jar. We deserve it, mama.February 5, 2017 – 9:41 pmReplyCancel

  • Louise - Oh I loved this. I saw your prompt this week and thought about posting to it – but had a basketball game I was supposed to go to. But it had been such a long week, so I didn’t. That felt like self-care. Lieing on the couch eating Smartfood and having a glass of wine with my kids (they weren’t having wine – just the SmartFood) and watching ET. That felt like self-care.

    Oh – and there were fart jokes. Seven year old girls think they are funny too. And changing the song from Trolls to apply for those times when “I’ve got that feelin’, inside my bum….”

    Okay, by this stage this could almost have been my link up post. But I just don’t have it in me. Because – self-care, y’all. Not laziness.February 5, 2017 – 7:02 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Watching ET, eating Smartfood and drinking wine sounds like perfect self care to me!!! Seriously. Here’s to fart jokes. I remember them as being funny as a kid, too, so I know it’s not a “boy” thing. Maybe it’s just a human thing until somebody farts near your food! LOL.
      Here’s to self care. If you decide to post it later, let me know and I’ll link it after the fact. xoFebruary 5, 2017 – 9:44 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerry - I love this fun window into your thoughts on self care Kristi. Walks and cuddles and deep breathing and ice cold water and so much more. Life is stressful, these days especially. Great sentence fragment this week. Extremely applicable.February 6, 2017 – 1:53 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Kerry!!! Life is mega stressful. But also simple somehow right? Like we all worry about farting during meditation 😉February 6, 2017 – 11:13 pmReplyCancel

  • Allie G smith - I giggled through out this post. Momma, I’ve had the exact same experience when attempting to meditate. I don’t get it!??! But I wish I did.February 6, 2017 – 6:09 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - YAY for giggling, Allie!!! I am SO NOT GOOD at meditating. Maybe one day. But, probably not…February 6, 2017 – 11:14 pmReplyCancel

  • Colin - This is very funny and so true! Stuff you usually try to avoid thinking about tend to sprout up when you’re trying everything you can to space out and meditate! LOLFebruary 17, 2017 – 11:29 amReplyCancel

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