Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

But I’d have had to miss the dance

Ever had your heart broken? Ever broken a heart? I have. Both. I’m guessing that you, have, too.  I told you guys about the time that I broke the heart of a man who changed me, profusely, but that I was over it and felt bad, and didn’t know what to say.  I sent him the lyrics to Garth Brooks The Dance.

For real. I get that you may no longer respect me. I barely respect my own self, but write it off to a time of angst and doneness.  Also, part of me still thinks “brilliant!” because hello, what better way is there than say “I don’t regret the time I had with you but I’m totally over you” than with magical song lyrics like this?

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared beneath the stars above

For a moment all the world was right

How could I have known you’d ever say goodbye

And now I’m glad I didn’t know The way it all would end …the way it all would go,

Our lives are better left to chance

I could have missed the pain

But I’d of had to miss the dance

Holding you I held everything…

*note – the fact that the official lyrics say “I’d OF had to miss the dance” and not “I’d have had to miss the dance” bothers me, but does not (mostly) take away from the power of this song. Mostly…ok, it doesn’t but I wanted to mention that “of” is not grammatically correct.  Moving on.

Back to the swoon. I mean come on! “Holding you! I held everything!” Sigh…

Also, I hate country music. Or did. But this song? OMG. “I’m glad I didn’t know the way it all would end…the way it all would go…”

I’m also glad I didn’t miss the many dances that I shared with those that I’ve danced with. Briefly or longer. You added to me and I thank you.

Instead of leaving you with The Dance, which does have awesomefuckinglyrics for breakups, by the way, I’m going to tell you a story about when I was in high school.

Back then, we did not have iPods. Or iTunes. Or on-demand music (I know. I’ll give you a moment to soak in the suckiness that was life in the mid-80’s when we wore fanny packs and carried walkmans) (and shuttup, Tatum, fanny packs were cool).

We were held captive by the radio. We rushed home from school, turned on the radio and our tape recorders, hoping to capture the perfect song that we’d been dying to get and either couldn’t afford or didn’t have the means to buy because hello, life before unlimited access to driving.

The radio station that I listened to in the mid-80’s was KBPI, in Denver. My favorite DJ was Steve Cooper. He had this schtick, where he was introduced as “The amazing Mr. Please, Please, Himself, Master Steeeeeeeeve Coooooper!”  I loved that man’s voice. He played me my favorite music.  Every single afternoon.

The key to recording music on the radio was limiting the DJ’s interaction at the beginning and the end of the song you were trying to capture.  And they always interacted. If you were, say, searching for song lyrics to remind the first boy you ever totally gave your whole-huge-vulnerable-heart to (Sean Day)…and he ended up being an asshole…
…and you wanted to prove that you Had A Past with him by recording Phil Collins, In the Air Tonight, because you may or may not have had The True Love with him in the mountains to this song, before he slept with your friend Emily, the DJ was going to be playing at the beginning.

And maybe, after he slept with your friend Emily, you made him a mixed tape because, before he slept with your friend Emily, you were this:

And he was this (to this day, I see beyond the perm, and the mullet, and see one fine yummy looking boy, which probably says a lot about me…except that he did, later, call me to say that he wished we got married and that I was the best thing that had ever happened to him, so he was a little bit mostly totally forgiven but never gotten back-together with because he sucks and turned really weird later):

Anyway. Most of my mixed tapes had the voice of “The amazing Mr. Please, Please, Himself, Master Steeeeeeeeve Coooooper!” (or another DJ’s) voice on them. Including the one that I played for the then-love-of-my-17-year-old-life, Sean. Phil Collins. Not as much for the song, which kicked ass, but for the fact that we spent a magical afternoon together in the mountains, and he made me ListenListen to it, with my face in his hands (swoon), and then, shortly afterwards, moved on. To the whatever whatever that wasn’t actually ME. I wrote him a poem (I know), and made him a mixed tape that had that song at the beginning.  The best part? “The amazing Mr. Please, Please, Himself, Master Steeeeeeeeve Coooooper!”  was on the beginning. Along with the KBPI ROCKS THE ROCKIES voice that was uber techno-cool back in the day.

Then. About five years later…

I was at a party. New year, new boy (no boy, actually, then). We’d been drinking. We entered a basement, of my friend Julie’s weird friend Mary’s somebody (sister?) and immediately, knew something was WOW. This basement had cd’s lined up on along the ceiling in rows and rows and rows. And rows. There was a sound booth. There were drums. So, obviously, because I’ve never played the drums in my life before, and was convinced that I’d totally kick ass at them, I sat down and began playing genius drums. Like massive amazing I am Lars drums. After a while of indulging me, my friend Sara suggested we leave. I agreed.

Which is when I heard The Voice. It said something mundane, like “when the hell are all these dicks going to leave my house?” but I froze. I knew that voice. I knew it. I turned around, searching for the source. Found none. Froze, hoping for another clue.

And there it was again.

And me. “I know you.” “I know your voice.” “Have we met?” (knowing that no, we hadn’t because his looks did NOT match his voice).

I was at The Home of “The amazing Mr. Please, Please, Himself, Master Steeeeeeeeve Coooooper!” For a party.

That part has nothing to do with breakups. But you have to agree, it’s bloody well awesome, right?  So. Aweseome.

I searched for a soundclip, rather diligently, so you could hear his voice, and KBPI the way it was in 1987.  All I found was this KBPI commercial, where he’s briefly featured. And the whole KBPI ROCKS THE ROCKIES techno cool motto-thing can be heard at the end, as well.  Enjoy.

Also, Sean sucks. Or, maybe he did me the biggest favor of my young and old and in-betweens life. Because he would have probably slept with my friend Emily, or another Emily, at some point. Maybe nobody really sucks, when it comes down to the down of it.

You know? I could have missed the pain. But I’d have had to miss the dance. And the dance was pretty great.

This has been a Twisted Mixed Tape Tuesday production, Einsteined by Jen Kehl. Come and tell us what music makes you think of “YOU SUCK (I suck?).”

  • [email protected] - Then what happened? In the basement? I need the rest of the story!!! WHERE IS PAUL HARVEY WHEN YOU NEED HIM!!!!August 27, 2013 – 9:30 amReplyCancel

  • [email protected] - Gosh. I hate to think of old loves. I acted so gaga crazy, I get embarrassed thinking about it. But I did love Phil Collins. He never did us wrong, right?August 27, 2013 – 9:50 amReplyCancel

  • donofalltrades - You’re silly. FYI, we would have been epic friends had we known each other as youngsters with our walkman’s. I would have fallen in love with you but broken up with you for wearing a fannie pack or having a mole somewhere stupid or some such reason. Yeah, I was a douche like that.

    I went through a period in college where I dated women whose lives were a train wreck because I thought I could save them or some such nonsense. Anyway, one of them sort of had me as a mistress since she was dating some schmuck off and on who wanted nothing to do with her. It became my personal challenge to get her to fall in love with me, even though I wasn’t sure that I loved her. My last ditch effort was in a tavern by ourselves on a Monday night dancing to “The Dance” by Garth Brooks. It didn’t work and she’s a total mess nowadays so I think of her every time I hear Garth’s “Unanswered Prayers” instead now. Lol.August 27, 2013 – 9:54 amReplyCancel

  • Dream - I just love the way you weave a story each week in and around our theme.

    The Dance played an important role for me. As I listened to it on repeat for about the 20th time, the realization hit me to let go of my regrets about things past and enjoy the place my path had led me.August 27, 2013 – 10:20 amReplyCancel

  • Kate - I remember the days of rushing home to watch MTV or lay on my stomach ready to hit record and play at the same time to capture a song on the radio. Love that you met your DJ!August 27, 2013 – 10:58 amReplyCancel

  • Natalie - The Cat Lady Sings - Hah! I’m sorry I am capitalizing on your sorry, but man this was funny! 😉
    IN THE AIR TONIGHT – !!!! Nothing says DEEP and HEARTBREAK and HEAVY like that song.
    PS- who HASN’T sent an ex the lyrics to “The Dance”? If you’ve never done this, you probably have no soul. I also sent mine John Donne poetry. I know, I know, I’m an asshole.August 27, 2013 – 11:35 amReplyCancel

  • Considerer - I totally struggled with this week’s one, but you done well.

    Is it daft that even though you spun us this amazing tale of heartbreak and romance and wrote it really well (by the way), the thing which makes me like you most is that the incorrect grammar bugs you sufficiently to mention it?August 27, 2013 – 12:01 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerri - You rule breaker you 🙂 But any post that can link Garth and Phil is pretty coolAugust 27, 2013 – 12:14 pmReplyCancel

  • troy P. - Seeing beyond a perm? Gotcha. Seeing beyond a mullet? I could see how that’s possible. Seeing beyond them BOTH? Damn girl, you must have had something akin to x-ray vision!August 27, 2013 – 12:31 pmReplyCancel

  • Lance - Digging the pictures, stories and the lists!

    well doneAugust 27, 2013 – 12:58 pmReplyCancel

  • Darla @ Moms World - What a story! Great list of songs too, love the Phil Collins one! 🙂August 27, 2013 – 2:23 pmReplyCancel

  • Stephanie @ Mommy, for Real. - Your commentary on “I’d of had to,” vs “I’d have had to” cracked me up. Now that I notice it, the “of” really bugs me too. But yeah, you can’t exactly destroy the integrity of the lyrics over grammar,huh? I loved your party story- that is so cool! And you were so right that we were help captive by the radio; I had never thought of it that way before, but as usual, you put my feelings into words in ways that would never occur to me. That’s why I love you…August 27, 2013 – 2:27 pmReplyCancel

  • Rachel - It’s so funny how love and the mixed tape seem to go hand in hand. You have captured that young love feeling so well. And that boy is cute.August 27, 2013 – 2:27 pmReplyCancel

  • Michelle Liew - Have to love Garth! Great list, Kristi!August 27, 2013 – 2:34 pmReplyCancel

  • A Morning Grouch - Ah, the mix tape The catching the song with minimal commercial or DJ interruption and getting the PERFECT MIX. I still remember my “mix tape number 7” was THE BEST. By early 90’s standards, that is. So. Are you sure you’re not still in love with this guy that you’re happy you danced with? Cuz. It seems like you might be.August 27, 2013 – 2:46 pmReplyCancel

  • Danad - 80s DJs were the best, weren’t they? And In the Air Tonight – who hasn’t slow danced to that one? Now I can’t hear it without air drumming that part in the middle – you know the part I mean. It’s awesome when we are all in the car and my husband and I do it together. The kids love that.August 27, 2013 – 3:38 pmReplyCancel

  • Melissa Stepp - “When the hell are all these dicks going to leave my house?” And that line redeemed you from the Garth Brooks disaster.August 27, 2013 – 4:41 pmReplyCancel

  • Lanaya | Raising Reagan - I absolutely love The Dance by Garth Brooks. It is one of the epic songs that has so much meaning.
    I too have broken hearts and had my heart broken so I get it. No lost respect here.

    Mixed tapes were all about the sad love songs weren’t they?? I think I’m going to go make one now 🙂

    (¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
    Raising-Reagan.comAugust 27, 2013 – 4:41 pmReplyCancel

  • Katia Bishofs - I love the story! But wait, was Mr. Please Please somebody’s father or was he partying with kids? I remember trying to limit the dj’s voice on the recording too. You just brought up so many memories, Kristi. I LOVE the way you write about EVERYTHING.August 27, 2013 – 7:34 pmReplyCancel

  • clark - (a line from an totally under-appreciated Tarantino movie*)

    “… you are so cool.”

    I like your style, Billy Cyde**

    Serially, I get a sense of your approach to Post writing…at least some of them, which in my terms, is akin to the thing we used to do as kids learning to drive, i.e. back roads, decent speed, turnoff the headlights…lol)
    But I totally get that sense of adventure, the ‘are you really going to take that path’ sensibility.
    As I said, very cool.

    *Patricia Arquette to Christian Slater…True Romance
    ** another quote …old book this timeAugust 27, 2013 – 7:34 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - This is amazing, ya know? I kept reading it through interruptions of Des putting Mac and cheese in my hair and of Scarlet calling her grandmother a “penis head.” Sean sucks. Maybe not. Steve Cooper is amazing. Lets be friends.August 27, 2013 – 7:42 pmReplyCancel

  • Mama Doesn't Need New Shoes - Brilliant post! It filled me with both nostalgia and reasons why I so “get” you. Let me break it down:
    *” I wanted to mention that “of” is not grammatically correct. Moving on.” THIS. No further explanation needed.
    *I, too, love The Dance, but I had not heard Garth’s version (yes, I live under a rock)…I had only heard smooth jazz saxophonist Dave Koz’s version, which I LOVE. (Look it up on YouTube.)
    *Mix Tape: Conjures up memories of cotton Esprit tote bags, school bus fumes, and Keds.
    Those were the good ‘ol days…August 28, 2013 – 1:05 amReplyCancel

  • Amy (My Real Life) - Great songs, great stories, great blog!August 28, 2013 – 6:39 amReplyCancel

  • GirlieOnTheEdge - Kristi! I love your posts that make me smile enough to show teeth and insist I laugh.(cartoon!). So I decided this morning that when I move back up there, you and I are so going for cocktails:)
    Mr. Brooks… I was managing a record store when he hit the big time. Weirdly, I remember his No Fences cd. Couldn’t keep it in stock and surprisingly, I found myself liking a coupla songs off it.
    This business of mix tapes to ex’s and such. Here’s my question (preceded by a statement)As far as I can recollect, I only made one mix tape for a guy. Is there anyone else who duped a copy for themselves because you just thought it was a most excellent assemblage of perfect “mood” music? LOLAugust 28, 2013 – 10:06 amReplyCancel

  • Youtu.Be - It’s actually a excellent plus valuable part of info. I’m just pleased which you embraced this useful information around. You should keep us advised this way. Thanks for discussing.September 21, 2013 – 2:36 pmReplyCancel

  • Mike - I can soooooo relate to radio voices in my past! Oh gosh those would be some great stories and what an awesome trip down memory lane! Hey now, the 80’s were amazing, Kristi! As long as I could take Phoenix with me I would go back in the blink of an eye. And geezus…you’ve been a sexy, hottie all of your life! Lordy 🙂February 20, 2014 – 11:53 pmReplyCancel

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