It appears that all of you have Elf on a Shelf. I am slammed, dodge-ball style with Facebook posts, blogs, tweets and emails about what your Elf did.
I am so not there.
It appears that I’m the only mom on the planet who thinks that Elf on the Shelf is creepy and scary. It’s most assuredly not welcome on my shelf. I will never, ever have one in my house.* That ugly, bug-eyed doll reminds me of Pennywise the Clown or a skinny Chucky and I refuse to play along. But with that visual, you could put him down the drain and play “IT” with your kids! Now THAT would be creative, if you’re looking for ideas. You’re welcome.
Maybe Elf is one of the highlights of your holiday season. Perhaps you’ve created really wonderful, happy, magical blah blah blah traditions moving that creepyass doll around your house. I’m sincerely happy for you. Really! I do not judge you (because I’m awesome like that and don’t insert my opinions into your life).
I just don’t get it. I don’t get why a really ugly, totally frightening, $30 doll has become the new Christmas tradition.
Also, I don’t care how much I talk to Tucker about not being able to touch the elf. He’d touch it. It would end up his to move around and it would become an airline pilot or a truck driver and would never sit his skinny, disturbing self on a shelf anyway. So maybe I’m just jealous. Or the only sane person left.
Not familiar with Elf on a Shelf? Well, I’ll save you from having to crawl out from under the rock you must live underneath. Here he is. He’s weird, right? And really smug looking. I’m the only one in my house allowed to look this smug.
This is what I think he’s really like. Just in case you needed help getting on board my psycho-train. You’re welcome.
*If somebody has already purchased us Elf on the Shelf as a gift, of course we’ll graciously accept him into our home it’s not too late to return it for something we actually want.
Note: I really mean it that I’m not judging you if Elf brings joy to your holiday season. Truly. I’m scared of him. It’s probably just me. Still, I’d lock your bedroom doors. And keep him on the other side of them. Just saying.
Another Note: Although Elf on the Shelf gives me the heebie-jeebies, for the record, I have the upmost respect for its creator. When I Googled it to find out how much they are for the purpose of this post, I saw an article that said company revenue is $10M annually. So although I think that little doll would scare the shit out of my kid me, I totally admire the genius of their marketing department.
UPDATE! I just Googled “elf on the shelf is creepy” and I am SO not alone! People make videos of him being creepy! Lots of other people have written that he’s scary. I am not crazy. Although it appears that I’m the one living under that rock. And next time, I should probably Google before posting. Apparently, people have been writing about Elf being scary for years. In my defense, Tucker didn’t start school until September. So prior to that, my Google searches were limited to:
How much sleep do babies need?
Will my boobs ever shrink back to their original size?
Why is my toddler banging his head on the floor?
Anyway. That’s the end of this post. Disappointed? Go read this stuff then. It’s better.