Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

Finish the Sentence Friday: When it comes to reality TV, I…

Finish the Sentence Friday

When it comes to reality TV, I just can’t.  You see, it was ruined for me back in 2002.  Blame Fear Factor.  The one and only time I watched it, the contestants had to drink 100-year old eggnog.  As soon as the first person put that glass of congealed greenish grayish lumpy goo to her mouth and began to take a sip, I had to run to the sink and vomit.  For real.  In fact, I’m getting that “too much saliva” feeling in my mouth right now, just thinking about it (perhaps Tucker comes by his sensory issues naturally?).

After puking and turning off the TV, I got mad.  Because honestly?  The producers had to be lying.  Totally not “reality,” friends.  There’s no way that anybody has access to 100-year old eggnog.  I mean, do you think that in 1902, some struggling family decided to save a gallon of eggnog just in case the TV would get invented and then a bunch of skeezy Hollywood weirdos would decide that people would come drink the stuff 100 years later?  For money?  Sorry to burst your bubbles, Fear Factor fans, but I’m calling BS here.

Even if these people were able to legally obtain 100-year old eggnog, wouldn’t those who consume it die from the bacteria and nasty little organisms that caused the once cream-colored super-tasty beverage to turn into a greenish gray cottage-cheese looking substance?   Not safe, I say.

So, yeah, when it comes to reality TV, I prefer to just say no.  Not because I’m a TV snob or anything.  It’s because I’m a wimp.  Don’t even get me started on the freaks that willingly eat bugs.  And eyeballs.  Because, really? Not enough money in the world, people.  Just not enough.

I tried to find the episode, but the one and only legit link I found was broken.  So instead, I’ve drawn you some helpful illustrations from one of the contestant’s grandmother’s perspective.

Here’s where they’re both super excited.  Look, you can tell it’s 2002 because flip-phones were cool:

CallingGranny

Granny asks whether her sweet granddaughter got the part she auditioned for on the Lifetime Special.  Because who doesn’t love a TV station that you can keep on all day and see a young woman kidnapped by her secretly criminal boyfriend, a 50-year old teacher wrongly seduce a 17-year old student and women being attacked after posting used furniture for sale online?*

CallingGranny-21

A few months go by and the show airs.  Popcorn is made, Granny is given the prize TV seat without a fuss and everybody prepares to be amazed.

CallingGranny-3

They quickly realize that this show might actually be nothing at all like a Lifetime special.

CallingGranny-4

And, like me, they are sickened and unable to continue watching.
Esther’s granddaughter or not.

CallingGranny-6

*In fairness, I have no idea what specials Lifetime now airs.  I haven’t watched it in years and years.  I just remember Tori Spelling being on there a lot.  (Tori Spelling photo credit)

Finish the Sentence Friday is hosted by the following awesome bloggers.  Seriously, check them out.

Dawn’s Disaster (Twitter, Facebook)
Next week’s sentence is  ”The most-memorable Valentine’s Day I ever had was…”NOTE:  I was actually not going to participate in FTSF today as I felt like since I don’t watch any reality TV, that I’d have nothing to say.  Thanks to Stephanie at Mommy, For Real for motivating me to tell you about why I don’t have anything to say about reality television.

And, more begging (sorry).  Please help a gal out with a click on the button on your left, and vote for the total loser (moi) who is in like 90-something place right now.  Scroll WAY down, and give me an orange thumbs up.  Please?  This isn’t one of the other dumb voting contests where you can just click the link.  This one, you have to click the pink button, find Finding Ninee and click “VOTE” there. Promise you this will end on Feb. 13.

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  • Considerer - Hehehe but watching people do gross stuff is all part of the fun…as long as you’re not the one faced with doing it.February 1, 2013 – 3:14 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Mmmhmmm, said she who tried to feed her spider a cricket today. That’s just not something I could do. Ever. I see spider and I think “die.” Thanks for the comment!February 1, 2013 – 5:52 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - LOVE your FTSF! The illustrations/story was hilarious. Fear Factor WAS awful. I couldn’t sit through it either. And there is no FREAKIN’ way, I would have done any of those things for a million dollars, let alone whatever the little amount was they were trying to win. Can you imaging chewing on dried cow testicles and then losing? I made that up, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a thing. BARF!!February 1, 2013 – 3:19 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Thanks, Kenya! Glad I’m not alone in having enough sanity to realize that there are some things that money just can’t buy. And ha! to the dried cow testicles. I wouldn’t be surprised. And hey- I never thought about the fact that you have to eat those horrors and then still will likely LOSE! Such a good point!February 1, 2013 – 5:53 pmReplyCancel

  • Stephanie @ Mommy, for real. - OK, did you seriously just bust that out in the last few hours? You are awesome. That was hilarious, and I am shocked that you just came up with it, made your spectacular drawings, and published it just like that! And I can’t believe you seriously threw up- that is fantastic! My favorite part was when the elderly person said, “Don’t drink that, stupid girl! Sorry, Esther, she is stupid.” You are so right- most of these shows are total bullshit. Well played. Voting now! 😉February 1, 2013 – 3:22 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Dude, you so know how to make a girl feel good. I was sitting here trying to hurry up and finish it so I could pick up Tucker from school. As I was clicking “publish,” I thought to myself “yo, Kristi, you just spent like 3 1/2 hours drawing stupid pictures again. time to get faster, dumbass!”
      And “Don’t drink that stupid girl, Sorry, Ester, she is stupid” was my favorite part too. Oh, and having Tori Spelling on the TV at the end. Thanks huge!February 1, 2013 – 5:55 pmReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - I wait for your pictures every Friday now and seriously this cartoon strip was the best by far. Thanks seriously and I voted on Circle of Moms for you (I vote daily of you)!! Thank you as always for linking up with us!! 🙂February 1, 2013 – 3:47 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Aw, thanks, Janine! And no pressure or anything, but I draw really horrific pictures on other days besides Fridays, too…just in case you’re really bored or something.
      And I vote for you, daily, too! Thanks so much!February 1, 2013 – 5:57 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - Sounds like we’re on the same page with Reality TV shows (and with Downton Abbey – read your comment). I don’t think I could handle the egg nog scene either. Sounds hideous and yes, sooo fake! Love your drawings as always and going to vote now too!February 1, 2013 – 3:51 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Thanks, Emily! I wonder if we should watch Downtown Abbey? Is it supposed to be good? I don’t even know whether it is a reality show or not. Shows you how up on this stuff I am.February 1, 2013 – 5:58 pmReplyCancel

  • Maggie Amada - I agree with you on the B.S. 100 year old eggnog wouldn’t even be liquid if it did exist. It would have decomposed back to gas, solid earth-like substance and water. Several million bacteria and parasite would have lived their lifetimes in the container only to go back and feed the plants at the end of the cycle. Can you tell I’m a bit of a geek who doesn’t enjoy disgusting things on TV?February 1, 2013 – 4:17 pmReplyCancel

  • Kate Hall - OMG, this is hilarious! I love it! The Lifetime references – so funny!February 1, 2013 – 4:36 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Thanks, Kate! 🙂February 1, 2013 – 5:59 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - I don’t think Tori Spelling does Lifetime movies anymore. She has a reality show.

    Thanks for the laugh!February 1, 2013 – 8:54 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - I don’t even know if that was a joke or if it’s real but either way, I laughed louder at this comment than anything else.February 1, 2013 – 10:54 pmReplyCancel

  • Josie Bisett - Hahaha! You are awesome Kristi!!! I bowed out this week, but I’m glad I’m still hanging out to see what everyone else came up with! I’m guaranteed a good laugh over here at Finding Ninee! There used to be a show on late Friday evenings with a short scene each week called ‘People will do anything to get on TV’ and they’d feature someone different each week willing to do something really nasty to be on TV for like 10 seconds. One girl licked a big fat sweaty man’s armpit. Another snorkeled in cow urine and fecies, and best of all someone spewed up live on TV in a pint glass and the person had to chug it. It was so nasty it was awesome. 😉February 1, 2013 – 9:25 pmReplyCancel

    • Josie Bisett - Oh, and Downton Abbey is a British period Drama. Not reality TV. 🙂February 1, 2013 – 9:27 pmReplyCancel

      • admin - OMG somebody drank somebody else’s vomit? I just made a little of my own, reading that. And snorkeled in urine and feces? How is that even possible? Shudder. Ew. Ick. Thanks for the awesomesauce comment. Bummed you didn’t link this week but I almost skipped out, too.

        And WTF is a Downton? All day, I’ve been typing “Downtown” thinking that was the name of this damn show. For real. Sigh. I’m very obviously so out of the cool-stuff awareness that I’m not even aware how out I am. I’m like that old lady who mispronounces TV shows now. I’m not just LIKE her. I AM her. Argh!February 1, 2013 – 10:58 pmReplyCancel

  • Rachel - Over the moon for this post! The Tori Spelling hit just the right mark. You’ve also made me realize how gullible I am about what’s on tv. I would’ve thought it was 100-year-old eggnog. Now that you mention it, they’d DIE if that were the case. Are you sick of me talking about how much I love the drawings? B/C I’m gonna do it every time I write a comment…

    p.s. I have been voting for you. I admit it: not every day, but I have voted on several occasions.February 1, 2013 – 10:21 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Rachel, so glad you got the Tori Spelling reference! And really? You never would have questioned how they got 100-year old eggnog? I guess I’m just a cynic. Maybe your way is better, actually…I just remember watching thinking at first “how do they have 100-year old eggnog?” It wasn’t until much later (like 10 years) that I realized “huh! that’s BS!” 😉

      And DUDE I will NEVER get sick of you telling me that you love the drawings. In fact, you loving them makes it worth the hours I spend with the mouse and wondering how little I can get away with actually making the people move around from frame to frame. Mentally, we just move the drawings around. In reality, not so much.

      Thanks for the votes. Huge. You’re awesome <3February 1, 2013 – 11:10 pmReplyCancel

  • Rich Rumple - Hilarious! Kristi, your artwork is simplistic and exceptionally effective! 100 year old egg nog? I guess it was from the 100 year old chicken’s noggin! Perhaps the 100 year old chicken had gray feathers that got mixed in the drink! Perhaps, I’d better stop before I start making you sick again! lol Great post!February 1, 2013 – 11:37 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Rick, you get the prize for being the first actual real-live man to comment on this blog in a while. Being a man, I’m sure you love airplanes (ninees). Can I please offer you one of our fleet in exchange for trying to make me vomit (again)? Thanks huge!February 1, 2013 – 11:48 pmReplyCancel

  • Robert - My wonderful and witty wife. Second man to comment on your whitticisms. The art work is truly inspired. One of the true joys in my life is reading you posts every day. Bonne Chance Blondie.February 1, 2013 – 11:52 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - You’re full of shit. You don’t read my posts every day. Hardly ever, in fact. You just got jealous because a man commented on my blog tonight. Love you, but totally transparent, husband.February 2, 2013 – 12:29 amReplyCancel

      • Henriette - Lol! Busted, Robert! 😉February 2, 2013 – 11:10 amReplyCancel

        • admin - Way busted.February 2, 2013 – 11:32 amReplyCancel

          • sara - Awwww, why you gotta be like that? I bet Robert secretly reads your blog every day at work, probably multiple times.February 2, 2013 – 1:37 pm

  • Azara - I don’t think I’ve ever watched even one episode of Fear Factor. TV that makes me pukey is not my idea of entertainment. #FTSFFebruary 2, 2013 – 12:18 amReplyCancel

    • admin - Argh, thanks, Azara, I think puke TV is just bad news, too.February 2, 2013 – 12:30 amReplyCancel

  • Kera - This was hilarious! I love the illustrations you added in. I never could watch Fear Factor either…it was just too disgusting. But hey, I’ll watch Jersey Shore any day! Lol. Thanks for stopping by and visiting my blog!February 2, 2013 – 12:51 pmReplyCancel

  • sara - Awesome period piece from the ’00s. Flip phone was inspired and you nailed Lifetime and it’s Tori glory.
    I hate reality shows too, but for me it’s not the puke factor so much as it’s how overwhelmingly STUPID people are in everyday interactions. The reason scripted shows can be so good is b/c people took the time to carefully craft a thought, a conversation, a plot. Unscripted life is painfully inane. Believe me, I live in it every day. It’s awful, I tell you, just awful.

    If you’re into period pieces, maybe you should check out Downton Abbey….. =)
    (BTW, “Downton” is the name of the estate where it takes place, back when people named estates, like Scarlet O’Hara’s Tara. We should name our estates: it sounds so much more regal to refer to the homestead by name. But then, I call my house The Sanctuary and the Buchanan home the B-hive, so I guess I do name estates….).
    Anyway, good post, good drawings! You totally amuse me. I would take you unscripted any day. <3February 2, 2013 – 1:46 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - I love this comment. “Period piece from the 00’s” had me totally cracking up. I keep hearing about Downton Abbey and honestly had no idea that it wasn’t “Downtown” until yesterday. This misinformation survived even a Google search when I was attempting to determine whether it’s a reality show. It wasn’t until reading somebody’s comment saying that she has to watch it because she wants to type “downtown” that I stopped reading Downton as Downtown. Phew.
      And I need to name my estate! Nineeville?
      I will have to think on this. Do tell if you’ve got any inspired ideas.February 2, 2013 – 6:20 pmReplyCancel

      • admin - Oh and re: Robert reading my blog at work? Nope. He’d have to go to a different area where they’re allowed to be connected to the outside world (he’s on a closed network and Finding Ninee isn’t a part of it. I know, sad, right?).

        Also, I know he doesn’t read it because he asks dumb questions that he’d know the answer to if he had read it. I’ll give him points for occasionally going in and clicking Like to share my posts on his FB page that he never goes on and nobody reads, though. 😉February 2, 2013 – 7:50 pmReplyCancel

  • Rosey - My older two boys liked Fear Factor but I couldn’t do it…couldn’t watch past the first episode I saw for the very reasons you just stated.

    Gave you a vote. 🙂February 2, 2013 – 2:05 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Thanks, Rosey! 🙂February 2, 2013 – 6:21 pmReplyCancel

  • Joy - OMG, that was HI-LA-RI-OUS!!! You did such a good job on the drawings and the whole story!! LOVED it!! xoxo
    So sorry I could not participate this week, I just did not have the time to come up with anything funny.February 2, 2013 – 2:17 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Thanks, Joy! And there’s always next week. But this whole Valentine’s thing – sort of has me stumped. So maybe I’ll skip it…February 2, 2013 – 6:22 pmReplyCancel

  • Mama Meerkat - I was reading the first paragraph thinking to myself, “where on earth would you even get 100 year old eggnog?” so I was happy to see that you thought the same thing. Because really. I don’t like the Fear Factor type shows, but I am a sucker for ridiculous fashion and cooking shows.February 2, 2013 – 10:52 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Thank you for figuring it out, too! You rock. I’m not a big cooking person and frankly LOVE fashion but my style has been SO cramped after deciding to stay at home with my son…February 2, 2013 – 11:37 pmReplyCancel

  • Michelle Liew - I agree, not much reality in reality tv. And it really isn’t because of being a TV snob… I can totally get how the antics can be entertaining and draw people. Thanks for sharing!!February 3, 2013 – 5:01 amReplyCancel

    • admin - Thanks for visiting, Michelle!February 3, 2013 – 8:51 amReplyCancel

  • Misty @ Meet the Cottons - lol. loved your cartoon! totally think Fear Factor was rigged! do you ever watch Chelsea Lately? well, one of the regular comics, Michael Yo, he also does celebrity interviews or something for E, anyhoo, he was on Fear Factor! they showed a clip/pic of his episode once on Chelsea Lately. think it was totally rigged for up and coming celebrities! that’s why Survivor is so much better! i remember watching Ripley’s Believe it or Not and the guy was setting the record for the most fishing worms eatten. that’s the only time i have ever gagged watching something on tv. totally get the flashback you were talking about with the egg nog! hoping to get caught up with your blog in the next day or so!February 3, 2013 – 8:19 amReplyCancel

    • admin - Hi Misty!
      I haven’t watched Chelsea Lately but I love her books (so funny!). Interesting that up and coming celebs were on Fear Factor – does make you wonder!
      And EW to the guy eating the most worms for a record. That’s an honor I’m happy to live my entire life without.
      Thanks for the comment!February 3, 2013 – 8:50 amReplyCancel

  • Kim Pugliano @the G is silent - One word: Kardashian.

    Worth. Every. Crazy. Eyelashed. Minute.February 4, 2013 – 10:43 pmReplyCancel

  • social media management Welwyn Garden City - Hey there would you mind stating which blog platform you’re using?

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