First, I was convinced I was going to be a lawyer.
Not just any lawyer.
I was going to be like Clarence Darrow, Attorney for the Damned, defending the wrongfully accused! I will be bringing justice to the people!
I told my dad all about how I wasn’t going to get married until I was older and had an established career. God forbid I become too much of a mom. We all know how that part went. I quit my job about four minutes after Tucker was born.
I went on to explain how my cooked-up perfect life plan included fame, importance, and two children, one of each sex. Because you know, when you’re nine, you don’t fully realize that this is something that you can’t actually plan. Maybe your nine-year old does, but whatev.
This is getting boring. You get the point, right? When I was nine years old, I cooked up a whole life for myself. My actual life story reveals that I was pretty far off in my projections. And you know what? I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m not a lawyer, but in marketing, and I actually love it. I don’t have two children, and I’m nothing but thankful for the one amazing boy I have. When you pop one out at 40, this is no small miracle. Life has a way of turning out how it’s supposed to, doesn’t it? Er, unless you’re a crack-head or something, in which case you should totally seek help because life is really amazing and beautiful. I promise.
Oh! You wanted to know about the time I cooked something and it epically failed? Huh. Well, okay…there was this ONE time…
…when I tried to cook crab-stuffed mushrooms. I’d cooked them before. They’re really easy. And super yummy. Except when you’re the dumbass who puts the entire cup of “house seasoning mix” you just made in it. The recipe said to make a cup. I didn’t read ahead to see that I was supposed to save most of that and “season to taste.” Seriously, who makes seasoning mix and saves it for later?
Anyway, although my crab-stuffed mushrooms came out looking like this:
And I tried to pretend they were fine…
They actually tasted like this.
And Robert’s face looked like this.
I haven’t made them since. Here’s the recipe. See how they say to make a cup of house seasoning? Yeah, I used the whole thing. There should be warnings for people like me right up front.
Finish the Sentence Friday is hosted by:
Next week’s sentence is “I did something really stupid once, I…”
Holy hell. How will I EVER choose just one “I did something really stupid once…” topic? Ah, the challenges of being me. Happy Friday, friends!