Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

I tried to cook…

I tried to cook up the perfect recipe for an ideal life.  I was nine years old.  This is about how it went.

First, I was convinced I was going to be a lawyer.

Dad I

Not just any lawyer.


I was going to be like Clarence Darrow, Attorney for the Damned, defending the wrongfully accused!  I will be bringing justice to the people!


I told my dad all about how I wasn’t going to get married until I was older and had an established career.  God forbid I become too much of a mom.  We all know how that part went.  I quit my job about four minutes after Tucker was born.


I went on to explain how my cooked-up perfect life plan included fame, importance, and two children, one of each sex.  Because you know, when you’re nine, you don’t fully realize that this is something that you can’t actually plan.  Maybe your nine-year old does, but whatev.


This is getting boring.  You get the point, right?  When I was nine years old, I cooked up a whole life for myself.  My actual life story reveals that I was pretty far off in my projections.  And you know what?  I wouldn’t change a thing.  I’m not a lawyer, but in marketing, and I actually love it.  I don’t have two children, and I’m nothing but thankful for the one amazing boy I have.  When you pop one out at 40, this is no small miracle. Life has a way of turning out how it’s supposed to, doesn’t it?  Er, unless you’re a crack-head or something, in which case you should totally seek help because life is really amazing and beautiful.  I promise.

Oh!  You wanted to know about the time I cooked something and it epically failed?  Huh. Well, okay…there was this ONE time…

…when I tried to cook crab-stuffed mushrooms.  I’d cooked them before.  They’re really easy.  And super yummy.  Except when you’re the dumbass who puts the entire cup of “house seasoning mix” you just made in it.  The recipe said to make a cup.  I didn’t read ahead to see that I was supposed to save most of that and “season to taste.”  Seriously, who makes seasoning mix and saves it for later?

Anyway, although my crab-stuffed mushrooms came out looking like this:


And I tried to pretend they were fine…


They actually tasted like this.


And Robert’s face looked like this.


I haven’t made them since.  Here’s the recipe.  See how they say to make a cup of house seasoning?  Yeah, I used the whole thing.  There should be warnings for people like me right up front.

Finish the Sentence Friday is hosted by:

Dawn’s Disaster (Twitter, Facebook)

Next week’s sentence is “I did something really stupid once, I…”

Holy hell. How will I EVER choose just one “I did something really stupid once…” topic? Ah, the challenges of being me.  Happy Friday, friends!

  • Emily - I liked hearing what you had cooked up as far as your life was concerned…I had told my mom and dad I wanted to be a veterinarian. I clung to that goal for a long time, until I entered college, totally bombed in my first pre-med class, and when I volunteered in an animal hospital to watch spay and neuter surgeries, not pretty. Let’s just say I had to leave the O.R. because I almost fainted. And THAT’s why I had a career in marketing too! Notice I said “had.” I was supposed to become CEO or President or something way up there…I made it to Product Manager and then eventually quit to become this, although I’m still trying to figure out what “this” is….March 8, 2013 – 8:37 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - First, “this” is awesome – you. Oh Boy Mom. Funny awesome chick. Friend. Super-cool and soon-to-be-famous blogger.
      Second, I didn’t realize you were in marketing, too. And there is NO WAY I’d have made it though watching surgeries, either. I was pre-law my freshman year in college and all it took was one court visit to see what defense attorney REALLY meant. I switched my major to business.March 8, 2013 – 8:56 pmReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - I know about picking just one thing for next week is totally going to be a chore for me, too. I loved your life plan and I think we all had grand ideas of how life would be when we were older. And I am with you that I wouldn’t change the way things turned out for the world either!! And as loved the pictures you seriously never cease to amaze with them. Thanks for linking up again!!! 🙂March 8, 2013 – 8:50 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Thanks so much, Janine! And yeah, it’s going to be REALLY hard to just pick one thing next week. But funny, because right now, nothing comes to mind. I must need more sleep…
      Thanks for hosting!March 8, 2013 – 8:57 pmReplyCancel

  • clark - love that art and story thing… very cool effect.
    As to the cooking thing, now that I am making my way through the others Posts, it would appear that I got the sentence (that is to be finished) a little wrong… oh well maybe next
    I enjoy your PostsMarch 8, 2013 – 9:07 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Clark,
      You got it right enough, especially with your line “some type of noodle thing.” FUNNY.March 8, 2013 – 9:21 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Love that you quit 4 minutes after Tucker was born! AND Robert’s face. I had the cheeky grin all the way through.March 8, 2013 – 9:10 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Kenya, you’re awesome. And I really did quit right away. It was a no-brainer! 🙂March 8, 2013 – 9:21 pmReplyCancel

  • Kate Hall - ROFL! Hilarious! You said this was getting boring, this wasn’t boring at all, I loved it. I love your pictures – they make me laugh out loud every time. And I loved you at nine and your dad’s thoughts. So funny! And I’m sure I would have (probably have) done the same thing with the house seasoning mix.March 8, 2013 – 9:13 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Kate, I’m so relieved! You know when you just aren’t feeling it? That’s where I was…I almost just started over. The times I am feeling it, well, I accidentally delete or something. Oops. Sorry. Sore subject. 😉March 8, 2013 – 9:22 pmReplyCancel

  • Jean Heff - There are so many recipes that tell you to make a ton of something only to put like a tablespoon into the dish! I have dumped it all into the recipe before too. Very funny post- don’t be afraid to make the dish again, I’m sure your husband has gotten over his PTSD 😉March 8, 2013 – 9:50 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Jean,
      I’m so glad I’m not alone in dumping the whole thing in! Who makes that stuff for later?!!?
      Thanks for the comment and I should make it again, just to prove to my husband that I’m not completely inept.March 9, 2013 – 9:06 amReplyCancel

  • Jen - yer a real purty artist. I had a plan a lot like yours, not married until 30 2 kids, one boy one girl. AND I was going to be a truck-driver or a cowboy. Every time I said that my mom would cringe, and say cowGIRL. No mom, I want to be a cowBOY. You can’t be a cowBOY you are a GIRL. This might be where all of our problems started. Well probably not. Girl growing up with the well to do white collar crowd winds up as truck driver, bet my mom would have loved telling that story at the country club! Meanwhile I married a truck driver instead of a lawyer! WHAT? I DID WHAT?
    your friend crazy eyeMarch 8, 2013 – 10:14 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Yo! Crazy eye! You’re even more crazy than I realized because of (sensitive tweet messages here that are not seen by anybody who has a desire but if your — doesn’t babysit, sorry). I’m still drawing you that da## picture. And dude! You did exactly (!) what you were supposed to do. The heart knows. Moms, not always (except us who will for our sons).March 8, 2013 – 11:14 pmReplyCancel

  • Rich Rumple - This reminds me of the first time I ever made chili. My mother had always served it with elbow macaroni in it. So, having spent my last dime to make it (I was in college) I decided to add the elbow macaroni to it, too. No, no one told me you were supposed to cook the elbow macaroni first. And yes, it was some chili that truly stuck to your ribs as it went down. “Mexican Paste” anybody? Love the way you planned out your life. I was going to be an FBI guy. Thank God my days of “freakdom” changed that!March 8, 2013 – 10:51 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Bwahahaha. I love that you put dried macaroni in the chili. Sounds amazing without that step by the way but LOVE it ’cause I sort of maybe kind of once might have done the same thing. It was a crock-pot recipe and it said it wanted uncooked…but I didn’t believe it could work. So, yeah…PASTE would be a good descriptor.March 8, 2013 – 11:16 pmReplyCancel

  • Maggie Amada - I always enjoy your posts. I liked reading about how you wanted to be a lawyer but ended up in marketing. It sounds like you’re pretty good at that and you enjoy it. A girl can’t ask for more than that. How is your work going? I know you were concerned about going back to work for a few hours a week.

    Regardless, I’m glad you found the balance you sought. From the little I know of you, you’re a dedicated loving mom and you take the job seriously. That’s pretty cool.March 8, 2013 – 11:30 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Aw right back at you, Maggie Amanda!
      Work is pretty good..great actually, for work. The problem is ME and my time management…because I LOVE this blog…so I’ve stayed up until 1am for the past 2 nights…
      Stil, obviously, have to find some balance. And you know what??? THANK YOU HUGE so much HUGE for asking. <3 YOU, awesome chick.March 9, 2013 – 12:20 amReplyCancel

  • Joy - Oh, I cooked up my life, too, when I was younger. Turns out nothing happened like I planned. But this is life, right? And I am more than fine with it!
    Loved your post and your drawings! 🙂
    I wonder how I will ever catch up on all my favourite blogs! *sigh* It took me so much time after I returned from the carnival and now I have to start again… ugh.March 9, 2013 – 3:35 amReplyCancel

    • admin - Joy,
      It is, indeed, life. Thanks for the comment. And yeah, I completely understand feeling like you’ll never catch up…
      hugs!March 9, 2013 – 9:07 amReplyCancel

  • [email protected] G is silent - I can’t make oatmeal without Hot Joe looking over my shoulder because HE’S THE COOK IN OUR FAMILY. I don’t know how I ever lived to 26, married and fattened a man for 7 years (minus 1 day) and also kept my child from being malnourished. Apparently I’m the baker (I can bake the crap out of anything seriously) and HE’S the cook. Whatever Hot Joe.March 9, 2013 – 2:07 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Kim,
      That’s hilarious. How DID you ever live so long while keeping a child from being malnourished? It’s a mystery.
      Oh, and I can’t bake worth a damn. Seriously.March 9, 2013 – 4:34 pmReplyCancel

  • Mama Meerkat - Ha, when I was a kid I wanted to a) have a farm with my best friend and lots of dogs and cows or b) go live with wolves. No kids, ever, ever, ever, never. Just lots and lots of pets. Now my kid likes to howl, so it kind of worked out in the end? 😉March 9, 2013 – 7:51 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - I’d say that having a kid that likes to howl means the best of both worlds. Just think, a simple investment in a wolf costume and everybody wins even bigger.March 9, 2013 – 8:15 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerri - Only you could get being a lawyer,pooh and stuffed mushrooms in the same creative writing process!March 9, 2013 – 10:04 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Hehe! Is my ADD showing? Wait. Do you think I might have ADD? Uh oh.March 10, 2013 – 9:35 amReplyCancel

  • Stephanie @ Mommy, for real. - Don’t hate me for being so slow to read this! We had another GD snow storm in Denver, and I was stuck inside with both kids all day while the good husband was at work doing snow removal for the City. Bleh. I’ve had people attached to me all day. I *love* your idea for this post- way to mix it up. I think about that a lot- how different my life is than what I may have planned. All’s well that ends well, but it’s not what i would have expected, you know? Anyway, that picture of your husband’s face was my favorite. I love that you gave us the recipe, too. 🙂March 9, 2013 – 10:25 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Stephanie,
      I could NEVER hate you. Thanks for the comment. And the recipe is actually super easy. Just read ahead and don’t make a whole cup of that house seasoning stuff!
      UGH to another snowstorm and being stuck inside all day. Gah.March 10, 2013 – 9:35 amReplyCancel

  • Alana Terry - Haha, when I was nine I wrote this poem about why all moms should stay home and sew clothes and make muffins for their kids. My school-teacher mom wasn’t actually all that impressed by it for some reason or other!!

    BTW, I had no idea you had Tucker when you were 40. I guess I haven’t seen many pictures of you, but you at least WRITE like you’re as as young and enthusiastic and perky and youthful as any other mom out there.Hoping this wasn’t a horrifically rude thing to say… Ok, I’m signing off before I do more damage..March 10, 2013 – 7:58 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Alana,
      Your poem sounds really funny. I wonder why your mom didn’t appreciate it more 😉
      Yeah, I’m super-immature in pretty much every way except my looks and how my body feels on the inside some days. So I’ll just take it as a compliment that you thought I was younger. 😀March 10, 2013 – 8:05 pmReplyCancel

  • christine - I have never heard of a recipe in which you make extra to save for later. I probably would have done the same thing, despite the fact that as a teacher I would do activities which made sure the kids read all of the directions before starting something.
    I always dreamt of having lots of adopted children. Never, ever was I going to actually give birth. Way too much pain and immodesty. I’ve had six kids naturally, and would love to do it again and again. Couldn’t have predicted that!
    Great drawings. I always do better with illustrations.March 11, 2013 – 9:49 amReplyCancel

    • admin - Christine,
      Right? A recipe where you make something for later. Bah. Dumb. Funny how things work out. I found that having a baby made modesty fly out the window pretty quickly…
      Thanks for the comment!March 11, 2013 – 10:02 amReplyCancel

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