Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

How I Came to Love My Neighborhood After First Thinking “NO!”

I was pregnant when we moved into this neighborhood. I brought my baby into it, and have built a life here.

14 years ago, I stood in a generic apartment in Reston, Virginia, unpacking my belongings, shocked at what the packers had wrapped in paper. A dusty stray pencil from under my bed? Wrapped well.

My favorite mirror? A table sat on top of it. I didn’t love that. I didn’t love my neighborhood.

I had no friends here, really.

My only friends were people I worked with, including my boss. Can a boss be your friend? I didn’t know it then, but it turns out, a boss can become one of your best friends.

I’d moved from Denver, Colorado, where, when you move, a neighbor comes over because they notice you have a dog, and within an hour, you’re friends who have already agreed to swap dog-sitting days when you each travel.

On the east coast though, walking your dog means you might pass somebody on a path, say “hello,” and they don’t even look at you. Who doesn’t say “hello” back? East coast people, that’s who. 

But this isn’t a sad sap post about how east coast people are colder than west coast people.

How I came to love my neighborhood after first thinking “NO!”

So I’ll get to that. First, a little more of the early days (years) of thinking “NO!” part.

I lived in Reston, and then in Alexandria. The neighbors were the same not-saying-hello-types. “It’s the east coast,” people said. “It’s just not as friendly as out west.”

And then, we were in Oakton, and I’d quit my job four days after Tucker was born.

I was ready to join the local mom clique. It wasn’t as easy as that though. I’m shy to begin with, and was (and am) older than most of the moms with kids his age.

When Tucker was bald and brand new, I walked. A lot.

“Hello, Community!” I thought.

“I’m ready to join your mommy clique now!”

Hi! I

I walked with my baby and said hello to neighbors who didn’t reply and to others who did. I went to the small playground, and to the larger one, searching for my neighborhood mom village.

I ended up writing about how I didn’t find it for years, for an anthology.

The first day Tucker and I went to the elementary bus stop for kindergarten, I was confused. One group of moms stood about 40 feet away from another group. Where should I stand? I had no idea, and spent a lot of mornings on fake phone calls walking home alone to look less freakish.

At some point, something changed. A mom said “Hi,” and told us to join swim team with her daughter.

I can’t tell you how grateful I was that she reached out. Having her smile gave me the bravery to befriend some of her friends. Some other moms.

It was like when one mom saw me, other moms did. Even the haughty ones (although some of the more haughty ones remain so).

And all of a sudden, I had friends in my neighborhood.

Today, almost four years later, I love this neighborhood and can’t believe we’re leaving it to move to Colorado.

The way my neighbors do Halloween doesn’t hurt.

It’s more than that though. The how I came to love this neighborhood part.

How I Came to Love My Neighborhood After First Thinking "NO!"

Today, I had lunch with a good friend. Another good friend came over after school to help me sort items for a yard sale. I posted about the yard sale and another friend said she’d be there. Yet another told me that anytime I need somebody to watch Tucker, she’d be happy to host him at her home, or at our community playground.

I have friends here. I love these people.

I love that I can stand on my front porch and watch Tucker walk to one of his best friend’s houses. That I can trust his eight-year-old self to get there without me. That I can drink wine with a friend over dinner and walk home. That she can drink wine at my home and walk home, too.

I love this neighborhood, although I didn’t always. I’m going to miss it. Mostly, I’m going to miss the people who live in it.

I’ll miss that on nice days, we walk to the playground and see friends.

That the playground is so close that if we didn’t bring a Nerf gun, or a particular ball, we can go home to get it, and everybody is still there when we get back.

I love this neighborhood. I’m going to miss it. But, we might be back, remember?

Also, I’m only sorta kinda sobbing. I love this neighborhood!

***

This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post. This week’s sentence is “My favorite thing about my neighborhood is…” I host each week along with the fabulous Kenya G. Johnson of Sporadically Yours. Join us!

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  • Debi - I can picture your block – those awesome walkable neighborhoods where someone is always outside. I bet it will be really hard to move – but now you know already how to make those first friends, and friendships are like violets! They spread underground and suddenly, a year later, your life will be full of them!May 3, 2018 – 11:05 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - It’s SUCH a good block although I didn’t know it once upon a time but yeah, it’s an amazing block(s) now. I like the idea of friendships like violets growing underground. Thank you for that.May 4, 2018 – 10:40 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Awww to sorta sobbing. I can’t imagine not loving where I lived. Home is solace. So much in the world is not good and wonderful when we enter it. Our neighborhoods should be. I hope that IF you want to come back that you find your home just as it was with all the comfort of being in a wonderful neighborhood. One thing my neighborhood never had for me was other mommy’s my age or kids of Christopher’s age. So I missed out on that.May 4, 2018 – 7:18 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I can’t imagine not loving where I live either. Maybe this whole new place is just that I can’t imagine it, ya know? It’s a really pretty house… if we get it… maybe it’s the unknown. And this ‘hood? People know Tucker. I’m sorry you didn’t have that with Christopher.May 4, 2018 – 10:42 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - I totally get how it can take a while to find your mom tribe and end up loving your neighborhood. Same thing happened to me when we first moved to suburbia and then I loved our neighborhood…and you mentioned Halloween — our neighborhood was such a great trick-or-treating place that people would drive from Other neighborhoods just so they could trick or treat in ours! As you may recall, we moved from that neighborhood two years ago — just about 2 miles away, but still, new neighborhood with a totally different feel. We love the new neighborhood too, but for different reasons. Now that our kids are older, we don’t place as much of a premium on who the neighbors are and who their kids are…although we DO have very nice neighbors! It may take a while, but I bet you will love your new neighborhood too!May 4, 2018 – 10:00 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - OIMG it took me so long to find my tribe. Like, Tucker must have been seven. But I got it – they all were talking during preschool when we were doing preschool autism class. I love that you went back to your old neighborhood to do Halloween. I have neighbors here who have moved and done the same – come back here because it’s just that good.
      Thanks, Emily. Come visit in colorado???May 4, 2018 – 10:44 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - My wish for you is that your new neighborhood is just as awesome. And I know what you mean about East Coast people, but I always say hello when I walk by someone in the neighborhood, even when I have my earbuds in. Actually, I probably yell “Hello!” since I can’t hear myself, but whatever.May 4, 2018 – 1:32 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Your wishes echo mine. Thank you. Come visit??? It’s crazy about the east coat people right? I mean how does a person not even say “hello” back? LOL to the too loud earbuds. Robert and I are in a semi-fight about that now, as he likes to fall asleep to stories and can’t hear me.May 4, 2018 – 10:46 pmReplyCancel

  • Liszi. Or someone riew tired. - Awwwh I’m glad you love your neighborhood and the friends you’ve made there. I’m glad you did make them. I hope they know you well enough that you stopped being shy and started being bolshy (in the best way – you have a huge presence). I hope your new neighbors are wonderful and come to befriend and love you as much as your now-ones do.

    Here, we’re WAY east of your ‘people are colder in the east’ lol. I met some people in my road the other day who’ve been here for over 30 years. We’ve been here nine. We were all very polite. Might or might not bump into them again…May 4, 2018 – 6:20 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I do love it. Whether they know me well enough to know I stopped being shy? Maybe only one, which is one, and good right? LOL to bolshy because no clue what that is. But I like the presence thing. I like you, and at least ya’ll talk over there right? Even politely?But that seems sad, too…May 4, 2018 – 10:49 pmReplyCancel

      • Lizzi - It IS sad. I think one of the things I found really wonderful and refreshing about America was the level of socialness amongst strangers who happen to be in the same location.

        I dunno whether your neighbours know you stopped being shy, but YOU know it, and that matters more. I am glad it happened and you found a niche there.May 5, 2018 – 1:17 amReplyCancel

        • Kristi Campbell - Agree but you still didn’t tell me what bolshy is. Is that like ballsy?May 6, 2018 – 8:30 pmReplyCancel

          • Lizzi - LOL no! It means deliberately combative. You do it with humour though, not in a nasty way. Nothing like a good provoking now and then 😜May 7, 2018 – 4:33 am

  • Pat B - I so remember that feeling of moving from a place I really loved and where I had so many friends who had been part of some important changes in my life. It took me a while to feel like my knew residence was my home, but with time it happened, and I made new friends.May 5, 2018 – 1:06 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Pat. I know I’ll make new friends too (or I tell myself I know that I will) but still, it’s hard to leave. We spent the weekend on a Cub Scout camping trip, and between the bonfire and this morning’s climbing and zip lining activities and the whoops of kids and adults (my husband and I included), it’s hard to leave this place. Where Tucker, from 30 feet in the air can yell “Hey Elliot! Did you go on the purple one yet?” and Elliot yells back “no but you have to try the green.” Maybe it’s the familiarity I hesitate to leave. Thanks for the reminder though.May 6, 2018 – 8:32 pmReplyCancel

  • Allie - The irony is kind of amazing, isn’t it? But I am confident that you will be more than fine in Colorada. You know how important it is to have friends and neighbors and you will be home. It’s going to be awesome!!!!! I 100% certain of it!May 7, 2018 – 10:37 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - It really is. I think (hope?) we’ll be fine there too although I’m super nervous about the specific neighborhood, because I think their politics are very different from mine although who knows right/? Maybe I will find friends. Come visit. We have room there – the houses are so different from here. Please, come visit.May 8, 2018 – 10:52 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Also thank you.May 8, 2018 – 10:52 pmReplyCancel

  • Hillary Savoie - This was a great piece Kristi. I think it is so interesting how hard it can be to join a community—and then how quickly you can’t imagine life without it again. I know the love will be tough…but, like I wrote about this week, you’ll carry your neighborhood with you. Xoxo (Sorry it took me a bit to comment!)May 7, 2018 – 10:41 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I agree about the joining of a community and finding acceptance there.. and then, it all changes. Thanks, Hillary. And yeah I know I’ll carry my ‘hood with me but also I wish I could transport the kids who “get” Tucker, you know?May 8, 2018 – 10:54 pmReplyCancel

  • Erika Ann - Moving to a new neighborhood is never easy I guess especially for those of us who are not the type of people who start conversations. But walking around really does help. When I first moved in our new house, I would usually go around and walk around with my dog. A few weeks later I found myself with the local dog owner community and I was making new friends! Great story.May 14, 2018 – 11:27 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - It’s so true that walking around helps although here in Northern Virginia (suburb of DC) it’s amazing how many people you can say “hi” to that say NOTHING back. Like, nothing. Weird. Thanks for visiting and commenting!May 22, 2018 – 8:43 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerry - It’s the trouble imagining part that is the scary part. It takes me a while to get comfortable in a place too. I grew up around this area, visiting my grandmother in the house my father grew up in and going to school, high school, around here. The park next to my house is the park we went to play in so often when I was growing up. Now I live here, have done for over ten years, and I chose it mostly for that comfort reason. It’s the comfort with people, reaching out to my neighbours, that I have more trouble with. It’s only after my new neighbour reached out to me that I found some comfort in someone next to me, but I don’t come on it all naturally. I hope you will find all you have imagined, in a good way, the best way there is.May 20, 2018 – 4:09 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - The trouble imagining part is the worst. I agree. I don’t come by the reaching out naturally either. It’s so hard to reach out. I guess it’s easy for some people but it’s not easy for me. At all. Especially when I know that the other moms who have kids Tucker’s age are so much younger than I am. I know that shouldn’t matter, but I feel insecure about it – more than insecure. Sometimes, totally paralyzed by it, if that makes sense. I’m glad your neighbor reached out – I remember reading about that on your blog and what a gift it is to have a neighbor friend.May 22, 2018 – 10:54 pmReplyCancel

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