Have you ever done something that made you feel like you deserved a medal? I look at my past, which is long and winding, and I think about the moments that make me proud. I think about the ones that made me me. I think about the fact that I’ve created life, and how the life that I created in turn created mother-me. I think about how that’s My Best Good Thing. Do I deserve a medal for making Tucker? Yes. Yes, I do. Which means that I just gave myself a medal for successfully procreating. You know, for doing the very same thing that a squid and a roly poly can do properly. But um, not together. In case you were confused.
I probably do not deserve a medal for the time that I was in third grade and asked my dad what a blow job was. While he was driving. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that my dad deserves a medal for not taking the wheel of his car and purposefully aiming us toward the nearest oncoming semi-truck. Especially when, after he confirmed to my eight-year-old self that a blow job is, indeed, equal to kissing a penis, and that it was something I’d understand when I was a grownup because kissing penises isn’t for children, I proceeded with the following:
“Gross, dad! Why would anybody want to kiss a penis?”
“Penises are for peeing. They have pee on them. Why would people want to kiss pee??”
“I bet they’re stinky.”
“I’m never kissing a penis because I will never kiss pee.”
“Does mom do that to your penis?”
“But, Dad? Why do people want to kiss penises?”
Sorry, dad. You deserve a medal.
Blow jobs and the annoying person I was at younger me aside, today, I’m going to say that I deserve a medal for finding you.
I started blogging because I was alone and terrified and swimming in the murky waters of The Middle World. I hadn’t found parents like me. I hadn’t found a community of writers and overall amazing people. I hadn’t found you. I hadn’t found you until I started this blog. One year ago today. Which means that it’s Finding Ninee’s birthday.
Which means that there’s cake.
And margaritas. Really, really big extra-tasty, extra-tequila-having margaritas.
It also means that I’m giving you money.
Real money. Not just a drawing of it. Yup, I go to my IRL job, work for however long it takes to get $150 and I’m giving it to you. Well, one of you will get $100. Two of you will get $25.
I know. Today, I’m awesome.
I may even deserve a medal.
I deserve a medal and you can win one hundred dollars! YUP, $100! Or $25!
Here’s how it works. Leave a comment below on why you deserve to win. The judges will vote for two comments each that are left between now and Sunday at midnight. Whoever has the most votes gets my hard-earned $100. Two runners-up each get my mediocrely -earned $25. Comments will be judged on originality, wit, heart, and overall awesomeness. Or on whatever moves each judge. You get an extra vote if you subscribe to Finding Ninee via email. See the full list of official rules below as well as visit the totally kickass awesome and overqualified judges.
Oh. Um *scuffs toe in dirt.* After you comment and subscribe and visit these incredible people who have agreed to judge my totally made-up, pulled-out-of-my-ass-at-the-last-minute contest giveaway thing, you can do one more thing if you want to. My friend Lizzi from Considerings has nominated Finding Ninee for Babble’s Reader’s Choice awards. I’m not really sure how the contest works but would really appreciate those of you who also tolerate or even like me to go over and give me a Facebook thumbs-up like, tweet, or G+ share. You’ll burn calories by clicking. For real. You can nominate me (or somebody else) too.
The Totally Kickass Awesome Overqualified Judges WHO CAN WIN but not vote for themselves (in alpha order)
Clark – The Wakefield Doctrine
Dana – Kiss My List
Don – Don of All Trades
Emily – Oh Boy Mom
Jean – Mama Schmama
Jane – Nothing By The Book
Jen – My Skewed View
Jessica – Jessica’s Journal
Julie – Julie DeNeen 2.0
Katia – I Am The Milk
Kerri – Undiagnosed but Okay
Lizzi – Considerings
Lori – Lavender Luz
Rachel – Tao of Poop
Stephanie – Mommy, For Real
Sarah – The Sadder but Wiser Girl
Tamara – Tamera (Like) Camera
The Totally Official and Maybe-Mostly-Complete Rules
- There will be one Grand Prize Winner of $100. There will be two runners-up who will each receive $25. Prizes awarded via either PayPal or by money order via snail mail.
- To win, leave a comment between now and Sunday, 9/22/13 at midnight EST.
- Winners will be announced in my Finish the Sentence Friday post 9/25/2013.
- Comments will be judged on originality, wit, heart, and overall awesomeness. Or on whatever moves each judge. Don will likely try and vote for himself. He won’t be able to.
- Each judge will vote for two comments. Judges are able to win but are not able to vote for themselves.
- Each entry will receive an extra vote for following Finding Ninee via email. If you follow, you must mention doing so in your comment – follows will be verified.
- This is not a contest for “I’d give the money to X Charity.” I donate regularly to important causes and so should you. This is about why YOU deserve to win. For you. A selfish and shallow contest, if you will.
- Please keep your comment to less than 200 words or so.
- I have the right to disqualify douchy, abusive, rude, or plain annoying comments.
- Anybody who says he/she will purchase anything pumpkin-flavored with her winnings will be automatically disqualified.
- Comments that include the word “moist” will be disqualified, as will those that have the word “Mart” in them referencing a shopping trip.
- I reserve the right to add, modify or change these rules based upon the fact that this contest has not been well thought out, I’ve probably forgotten some important stuff and that I’m totally making it up as I go along.
- Contest is open to everybody – you do not need to be a blogger to win.
- Ass kissers receive extra points, better karma and a happier life.
This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post. The sentence is “I deserve a medal for the time I…” Next week’s sentence is ” The bravest thing I’ve ever done is…”
Your most party-on excellent hosts:
janine: Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic
kate: Can I get another bottle of whine?
stephanie: Mommy, for Real
me: finding ninee