Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

My Appliances Hate Me

This was originally published when my blog was a tiny 5-week old baby and about two people read it (thanks, Sara and Henriette). Because I’m extremely lazy busy, getting ready to celebrate Tucker’s fifth (OMG) birthday on Friday at the beach (whoot!), I figured I’d put it out there again with some updates, like the fact that we just had to purchase an entire new HVAC unit.

my appliances hate me

My appliances hate me. I have proof.  A year ago November, our HVAC thing stopped blowing warm air – and it was freezing outside.  Because I’m a mechanic* I was able to take the screws off the front of the big box in the basement and see that the turning thing inside the unit continued to spin.  In keeping with my idiotic tendencies, I went ahead and touched it (what I thought would happen is still unclear) and it cut my finger.  Anyway, the motor or whatever was spinning, obviously working, but the unit wasn’t pushing any hot air into the vents.

my hvac hates me

 

thumb injury

My thumb injury

While waiting for the repair people to come, I looked for a space heater in this closet. I wasn’t able to find it. It probably hates me too.

I don’t think there are any skeletons in here. But who would know?

Anyway, it was fixed and worked fine for the past 18 months or so until recently. Of course, it’s a bazillion degrees outside, and we now want cold air, rather than warm. We had no air, but I did learn from last time and did not touch the spinning thing. I did, however, write a too-big check (ok fine, Robert wrote a too-big check) and we had the whole stupid unit replaced. It seems to be working fine. For now. Maybe it just doesn’t know me well enough to hate me yet.

Our freezer does, though. It inexplicably defrosts itself for no reason and acts as if the door may have been left partially open.  It’s possible that Tucker was trying to sneak some ice cream and didn’t close the door but I think the freezer just hates me.

Earlier this year, the microwave started turning itself off mid-nuke.  First, we were able to coax 45 seconds out of it.  Eventually, none.  We called the repair people, who convinced us to buy a new $250 board.  When the board came in, the repair guys were here to install it and learned that the board was faulty, and so ordered another.  And came and installed it five weeks later.  They blamed LG.  I blame our appliance’s conspiracy to hate me.  There’s still a screw sitting on my kitchen windowsill that was somewhere in or on the microwave.  I’ll have them figure out where it goes the next time it breaks.

We’ve purchased two new toasters this year.  The first because our old one was just old and started to only have two settings:  raw or burned.  The replacement lasted a few months and then started to make a scary buzzing noise that I was convinced was a warning for “soon, I will burn your house down because you must have a bagel.”

Last month, I bought my seventh coffee maker in five years.  Really.  I lifted the glass pot up and the entire bottom fell off.  I might have accidentally banged it on the kitchen counter previously, rendering it weak.  I probably shouldn’t have bought the glass pot type, as this has happened to me before. Twice.

When I replaced the last broken one with a coffee maker that has a metal pot, after a month or two, it leaked coffee all over the place.

So did its replacement.  This is not my fault.  They just hate me.

coffee pots hate me

 

Which is why I went back to glass.  And then this happened.  Again.

glass coffee pot broken hates me

 

So now I’m back to using a coffee maker with a metal pot.  Leaking coffee poo on the counter is better than glass shards in the kitchen.  So far, I don’t like the new one because I forgot to ensure that it has a self timer.  I just assumed it did for the price (you’d think I’d be an expert by now, having purchased so many in the past few years.  I’m not).  Training Robert to turn it on before he gets in the shower hasn’t taken yet.

I’m not sure my appliances all sucking would bother me as much if it weren’t for the fact that we buy pretty nice ones.  And my in-laws have the same gigantic counter-based microwave that they’ve had for 24 years.  They keep hoping it will break so they can purchase a new one.  It keeps working.  Same with their stupid coffee maker.  Oh!  And did I mention that we bought this place just five years ago and remodeled the kitchen with ALL NEW appliances?

There is no way that all of these appliance failures are my fault.  Right?

*I’m not really a mechanic.


  • Sara - As soon as I read this I thought of this old Woody Allen routine he did about his appliances ganging up against him. You must hear it:

    November 9, 2012 – 11:35 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Sara, that is funny! Thanks so much for sharing it. I’d never heard it before. Hilarious! 🙂November 10, 2012 – 6:26 pmReplyCancel

  • Jennifer - Haha I just read this one. Missed it before its so funny. How do you draw the pictures?November 10, 2012 – 8:49 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Jennifer, I just use Photoshop with a mouse. I’m sure there are a million easier ways.November 12, 2012 – 6:11 pmReplyCancel

  • thebeesleybuzz - love those cartoon pictures – so funny xNovember 12, 2012 – 3:38 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Thank you so much! Just tried to comment on your homeschool post, but was unable to prove that I’m not a robot. I did try though. A whole bunch of times! Thanks again!November 12, 2012 – 6:11 pmReplyCancel

  • Momito - Very funny! I love your pictures! Hopefully your appliances are working now!November 14, 2012 – 12:45 amReplyCancel

    • admin - $300 later and they seem to be fine. Sigh.March 11, 2013 – 8:10 amReplyCancel

  • Pink Ninja Media - You seriously almost made me pee in my pants!November 20, 2012 – 1:53 amReplyCancel

    • admin - Thanks Pink Ninja! 😀March 11, 2013 – 8:10 amReplyCancel

  • Jen - Hey Isaiah stuck his hand in a moving fan this summer and cut his finger, so there’s always that.
    Plus you need to win an award for hystericalness. Fer real. Cause dude. There is no one like you on the planet. And I think you should have kept the pooing coffee pots just for the laughs. I wish my appliances talked…..March 11, 2013 – 1:18 amReplyCancel

    • admin - OUCH to Isaiah sticking his hand in a moving fan. OW. Maybe you’re right and I should have kept the pooping coffee pot. And thanks HUGE for the awesome loves with the award comment. I wish! 😀March 11, 2013 – 8:09 amReplyCancel

  • christine - Your parents’ appliances don’t stop working because things were made better back then. Our gadgets may have fancy computers and flashy settings, but they suck and break way too fast. When we bought our first house, it still had the original refrigerator built by Ford (It had a Ford label right on the front.) in 1970 or so. If finally broke and we had to replace it in 2003. The compressor in the one we bought went up in a burst of flame exactly 5 years later, 3 days after the warranty ran out. New appliances suck. It’s not you. Well, except for that dumb finger in the fan move. What the heck were you thinking?? 🙂

    Have a great birthday party at the beach!July 2, 2014 – 12:16 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - So true about the stupid fancy boards and settings and all of that. And I love love the idea of your supercool fridge having a big old Ford label on it! It burst in flames though – the new one? So freaking typical. I can’t believe how crappy these appliances have been!!! Oh. The finger thing. Um, yeah. lalallallalallJuly 2, 2014 – 11:20 pmReplyCancel

  • Mike - While this is NOT funny for you this was hysterical to read because of your cartoon pics which I will always be a HUGE FAN of! 🙂 I am sorry for your appliance battle and yes not a good idea to stick your digits in the vicinity of spinning things. I think there is a lot of truth to what Christine said in that appliances are made with too many internal components these days. Hey, when they work…it’s great! But, as your trials and tribulations show it is frustration. And, yes I’ve been there! Coffee poo…still laughing at that! Speaking of home repair the guys will be here shortly to fix my sliding glass door. I went to open it (it had long since been screaming for help) last week and it wouldn’t. Phoenix looked down at his paw tapping his “watch” saying, “I really gotta go potty…” LOL 🙂July 2, 2014 – 1:09 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw thanks Mike!! I think so too – about the appliances being made crappier and dumber with all of their bells and whistles. Here’s to your new sliding glass door not shattering next time you open it. It probably would if I did…July 2, 2014 – 11:21 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerri - I’m cracking up because I read this post before I knew it was okay to comment on another person’s blog. Yeah, I’m a fool. Have you heard of Kureg? I don’t drink coffee but I hear it is easier than having the pot break on you. Or you could go back to the perculatorJuly 2, 2014 – 1:17 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Are you serious??? You found this when I was a baby? Remind me when you started blogging – I always thought yours was so OLD when I found it?? Um, yeah, Kureg. My dad and stepmom have one but it’s one cup at a time. I like pouring my big old thermal full of like 2 cups and having it stay hot while Tucker tells me what I have to have to have to do to “get ready” each day.July 2, 2014 – 11:23 pmReplyCancel

  • Melissa Senecal - My problem is my electronics!! My appliances are old so maybe that’s a good thing but electronics in this house are possessed! Love the cartoon pics!July 2, 2014 – 1:31 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - My electronics suck, too. Or, I do, for them, because I keep dropping my phone in the toilet or on the floor… sigh.July 2, 2014 – 11:38 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Except for the coffee pot and toasters oiur stuff may be related. We wrote that HVAC check about four years ago. Of all the snow we don’t get, the day it decided to stop working Christopher and I had come in from playing in it. We spent the rest of the weekend under the covers.July 2, 2014 – 2:00 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - UGH to the dang appliances, Kenya (or Kanye heheeh). What is up with this stuff? It’s like it’s programed to break, once the warranty is over!.July 2, 2014 – 11:39 pmReplyCancel

  • Sarah - I concur. Your appliances hate you. Or, you have a ghost. Have you considered that option?July 2, 2014 – 2:45 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - A ghost would be way more sexy than that the stupid fridge, and microwave, and toasters, and coffee pots hating me. I might need to run with that. I’ll give you credit.July 2, 2014 – 11:47 pmReplyCancel

  • don - Hahaha, your appliances hate you! Maybe if you gave them a gratuitous boob shot from time to time, they’d be more fond of you? Let me know if it works, I may try it on my kids. They also like to not do what they should be doing around the house.

    Happy birthday to the T man!! 5!! That’s a big boy age…so sad.July 2, 2014 – 5:27 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Damnit, it’s so your asshole fault tonight when I go upstairs and flash my dick of a fridge, microwave, and coffeepot with a boob shot.
      And yeah, so so sad about the big boy age. I might have to try to get knocked up again or whatever.July 2, 2014 – 11:48 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - Sometimes I think I just must have broken anything, or else we just buy a lot of cheap crap.
    A little of column A.. a little of column B..July 2, 2014 – 5:53 pmReplyCancel

  • Natalie D - OH MY GOSH, my appliances hate me too! Well, at least, the coffee maker does. It gets grinds all over the place every day. And the dishwasher spontaneously breaks every so often.
    Laughed so hard during this post! Glad you resurrected it. 🙂July 2, 2014 – 11:18 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Stupidfuckingcoffeemakers. Our dishwasher has been surprisingly non-assholish. Which means it will break within the next 30 days, probably.July 3, 2014 – 12:49 amReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - So sorry that this all happened to you but SO FUNNY with your commentary and the photos of the appliances hating you.
    Happy birthday to Tucker!July 2, 2014 – 11:36 pmReplyCancel

  • Lana - So glad you reposted this since I missed it the first time. My appliances hate me too! We keep babying along our heating system, but I fear a replacement is looming this winter 🙁 The only appliance that cooperates in my house is our toaster – we got it for our wedding 24 years ago and it still works! Except now I probably jinxed myself – better go toast a bagel to make sure. Have a great weekend!July 3, 2014 – 1:54 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Ugh, Lana, so sorry to hear that your appliances hate you as well. Such a sucky thing and please tell me that your comment here didn’t jinx your toaster?July 3, 2014 – 10:53 pmReplyCancel

  • Callie Feyen - Kristi, you are too funny! This stuff happens to me too, and I SWEAR it’s not my fault! Except it probably is. 🙂

    Hope you’re having a great vacation and a wonderful time celebrating Tucker’s bday!July 4, 2014 – 6:03 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks so much, Callie!! We’re having fun. This morning kinda sucked (we’re in Ocean City, NJ and it was freezing raining and windy) but tonight was AWESOME at the Boardwalk at some amusement park thing that Tucker LOVED. Plus, beach tomorrow, and fireworks tomorrow night, I hear. So it’s now a birthweek and celebrations daily 😉July 4, 2014 – 10:25 pmReplyCancel

  • Michelle @ A Dish of Daily Life - Our appliances hate us too. The burners on the stove stopped working…when we got down to 2 burners, we finally had it fixed. Then it was the dishwasher, which we had to replace. The oven doesn’t close all the way…we are using a rubberband right now to secure it…and the washing machine broke a while back too. We have an ancient one in the basement, but it’s now on it’s last legs. Oh, and the heat also broke this winter…but we had to fix that. It seems like it is always something! The garage door also broke last year. Maybe our house hates us. LOLJuly 6, 2014 – 5:08 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - HAHAH to your house hating you – that sucks about your garage door and stove. Here’s to rubberbands and duct tape. Thanks for the funny (and too relatable) comment Michelle!!July 20, 2014 – 7:07 pmReplyCancel

      • Michelle @ A Dish of Daily Life - The old washing machine in the basement finally kicked the bucket, and guess what I got?! A scratch and dent LG that is huge! I washed all of our comforters. We had a mound of laundry that literally looked like a foothill in our basement (apparently we have too many clothes because it was like that for months, I could not catch up) and I got it all done in one weekend with that huge washing machine. I am in love!July 20, 2014 – 7:47 pmReplyCancel

  • Sylvia - My husband leaves coffee poo all over the house for me to find!July 7, 2014 – 7:22 pmReplyCancel

  • Chris Carter - I am SOOOO GLAD you re-posted this!! Oh you are HILARIOUS!!! I love your pics so much, they just make me DIE with laughter!! Geesh, my friend- you are really screwed on the coffee makers. What is UP with THAT?!!!July 8, 2014 – 12:12 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Chris, I had to repost it when our HVAC unit that is only FIVE YEARS old had to be fully replaced for too much money! So glad you liked it and yeah, no clue on the coffee makers!!July 20, 2014 – 7:08 pmReplyCancel

  • Caroline - Oh gosh, they really do hate you! It makes for good blog content though 🙂July 8, 2014 – 10:00 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Here’s to the annoying things in life making for funny blog content, Caroline!!July 20, 2014 – 7:08 pmReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth - Love this! It reminds me of when I was a kid and my father traveled all the time. Invariably, as soon as he left on a 3 week trip somewhere else on the planet, some major appliance would break and my mom had to deal with it!

    Your drawings are priceless! Love them!July 13, 2014 – 12:24 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks so much Elizabeth! Of course the appliances waited to break until your dad was out of town. Of COURSE!! 🙂July 20, 2014 – 7:11 pmReplyCancel

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