Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

On School and Feeling Nostalgic for Younger Years

“Do you feel more ready to send him to preschool now?” she asked. “No,” I said through barely held-in tears, even though I did feel better about it. It’s just that I thought I’d have more time before my three-year-old was in an all-day preschool program. I thought he’d be older. That we’d start with a few mornings a week.

We were at the graduation picnic from a pre-preschool readiness program for kids with special needs.

“He still naps every day,” I said.

“He’ll be fine,” she replied and hugged me.

And he was. I was, too, although now I miss three-year-old Tucker even as I celebrate almost-nine-year-old him.

pre preschool graduation

On School and Feeling Nostalgic for Younger Years

“You need to walk away,” his teacher said as she guided me away from my little boy. He was crying after being disciplined ABA-style (applied behavior analysis) for swatting at another boy who’d invaded his personal space.

I sat in my car unable to move for I don’t know how long. Minutes? Hours? Somewhere between, probably. I wondered whether he’d be okay. Whether typical kids swatted at other for getting too close. That’s normal, right? I mean, I don’t like that either. I drove home.

Later, his teacher called to see if I was okay.

A million days later and also just like that, he was graduating preschool. Heading to kindergarten. He was fine. I was, too.

I feel nostalgic for our younger years though.

blink and hes almost done with third grade

“We used to think it was autism,” I said. A few of the special ed teachers nodded their heads. They remember. The new ones hadn’t known.

We talked about ABA and preschool autism class and how rigid he used to be. Part of our therapy was to not let him always be first to go upstairs. “He’s different now,” she said.

And he was. Still him, but older. More capable. No longer swatting at kids for invading his personal space. These days, he’s more likely to invade theirs. Still challenges, but speaking. Communicating. Asking for water rather than “ah.”

We’re all different as the end of each school year approaches. Wiser maybe. At least more used to long days huddled in years that go by in a blink.

***

Once school’s out this year, we’ll travel to a new school, in a new home, in a new state. A new life? Nah, we’ll still be us, but it does feel a little like a new life.

My husband got a beautiful award from his job. With all the stress and worry of registering Tucker for a new school, getting our now-house ready to be lived in by people I’ve never met, and the everyday living of football, scouts, friends, and life, I hadn’t realized what a big deal it’d be for my husband to leave the organization he helped build. He said he got choked up while giving a speech. I’ve only known him to be choked up about four times in our 11 years together.

I can’t believe we’re moving to Colorado.

We’re celebrating here while here though, with parties and the continued tradition of a last-day-of-school watergun fight. This year, we’ll combine it with Tucker’s birthday celebration and pray it doesn’t rain because his whole class plus cub scouts plus neighbors is a lot of kids to be in a house that needs to be clean once the movers clear out the last of our things.

***
The day of kindergarten orientation, I emailed the teacher. “We need to come back when nobody’s there,” I said. “Tucker hid underneath my shirt. I’m worried he won’t recognize you.” It was more than that though. It was another step on the staircase of letting go. We celebrate as we ascend but I think it’s okay to mourn a little too. For the steps that will always remain behind us.

She let us come back in and sat on the floor with us. In just 10 minutes, she and Tucker were old friends. I’ll always love her for that.

I’ll always love all of his teachers.

We celebrate as we ascend, but mourn a little for the steps that remain behind us.

Feeling nostalgic for younger years isn’t a new feeling as the end of the school year approaches.

This year feels particularly sad, knowing that the familiarity of the bus stop, the entrance at school, and friendly faces will all be new this Fall. Oh, and it won’t even be Fall when Tucker starts fourth grade. It’ll be mid-August, which is just wrong. Poor kid’s going to have a short summer.

I know he’ll be fine. We all will.

***

This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post done with my fabulous co-host Kenya G. Johnson of Sporadically Yours, with the prompt “It’s the end of the school year, and…” It wouldn’t be complete without me sharing these two photos below. We had family in town this weekend, and went to the Dulles Air & Space museum. Since we used to practically live there, I knew there’d be a photo of Tucker with the astronaut. He must’ve been four in the first photo. Talk about feeling nostalgic for younger years while celebrating the current one!

feeling nostalgic for younger years with the astronaut at air & space

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  • Kenya G. Johnson - How sweet of both teachers or maybe the same teacher – to have a one on one and to call you on the first day to ask if you were okay. I love that. I’m banking that Tucker is going to be just fine with everything even though you might not be. That’s the way it is with us moms. We worry to the point of exploding but it usually always okay. Love the pre-preschool “graduation” photo – so cute.May 31, 2018 – 8:32 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Tucker’s teachers have been amazing. It’s one of the reasons I don’t want to leave here – I’ve heard that this school district is one of the best for “kids like him.” But I have to have faith that people (especially teachers) are good and kind (even though we did have one mean-ish one and I had a total mean one growing up). Truth to us worrying to the point of exploding and then being okay. Also after reading your post, I need to get my Detox Island Green smoothie tomorrow. The place that sells them isn’t in Colorado (unless that’s my new adventure – a franchise owner maybe??).May 31, 2018 – 8:57 pmReplyCancel

      • Kenya G. Johnson - If I ever see that place somewhere I’m going to have to try that smoothie. Now that is really sad that you’re moving away from something you love that much. I think if I moved somewhere that there wasn’t a Rita’s, that would be sad. Cheers to getting some wonderful teachers. In my experience the ones who were mean were approaching retirement.May 31, 2018 – 9:13 pmReplyCancel

        • Kristi Campbell - Rita’s the Italian ice place? There’s one in DC. I’ll have to go before we move because I don’t think I’ve been. I’ll be sad about the smoothies and got one this morning. They’re big so a lot of times, I only drink 2/3 of it and save the rest. Maybe it’ll make me learn to make them myself! And if you get it – don’t forget it’s the Detox Island Green, not the Island Green. And yah, the mean teachers are so often approaching retirement!June 1, 2018 – 9:22 pmReplyCancel

  • Lizzi - This is beautifully wistful, and I especially loved the astronaut photo at the end. You’ve all had such positive experiences where you are, and where you haven’t, you’ve turned things around. Huge tenacity and investment has resulted in the glorious young man grinning in the middle of his cousins in that last pic. He is a wonder, as are you all 😘June 1, 2018 – 3:26 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You are so so kind and thank you for these words. I love that photo too. It’s amazing what we have here that I’ll miss and also haven’t taken enough advantage of, although I suppose I have in the important ways. Like with you seeing the monuments.June 1, 2018 – 10:40 pmReplyCancel

  • Lizzi - To be fair it’s probably quite usual to miss what’s on your doorstep. I’m sure I don’t take half as much advantage of my city as I could. Our monuments day was amazing. I’ll never forget it 😍June 2, 2018 – 1:40 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - True, that it’s quite fair. We went into DC again today. And I appreciate it in a way I maybe never have before, knowing we’re leaving. And yes, the monuments day was amaaaaazing and I’ll never forget it either. <3June 3, 2018 – 12:33 amReplyCancel

  • Emily - I always feel nostalgic at the end of the school year too. Right now we are living in a neighborhood where we have the “old kids” and my husband and I look out the window at the parents playing with their kids in the cul-de-sac and we wistfully say, “ahh, we remember when we used to do that.” Of course, part of us feels lucky we don’t have that exhausting life of young kids anymore, but the other part of us, now as parents of emotional and headstrong teenagers, misses it…my Little Dude is about to graduate from 8th grade and he’s actually asked me if he has to go — he’d rather stay home and sleep in!! (Maybe he’s on to something…:))))June 3, 2018 – 1:40 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - The young kids life is exhausting but also so dang cute. I miss the utter cuteness of two and three years old. My dude is so big now, and it makes me kind of sad. But happy too, you know? Little Dude would rather stay home and sleep than go to graduation? Wow. And also, yes, he just may be onto something there!June 5, 2018 – 7:37 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - Arggg, I just wrote a comment, but I don’t think it went through! Here’s a shortened version of what I wrote: Just wanted to say that I too feel nostalgic at the end of school years too…this year, my Little Dude is graduating 8th grade and he asked if he has to go to the ceremony! He’d rather stay home and sleep in! (hmm, maybe he’s on to something…:))))June 3, 2018 – 1:43 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerry - We’re all different as the end of each school year approaches. Wiser maybe. At least more used to long days huddled in years that go by in a blink.

    This is true and I love it. Nicely said.

    I didn’t write one for this time because, the end of another school year makes me sad too, but for my own past and for my niece and nephews. Still, it felt like a parenting thing and I’m not one. I’ve definitely written about school memories before, but I was glad to just read yours.June 9, 2018 – 6:37 pmReplyCancel

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    Balle DenckerMarch 12, 2020 – 7:26 pmReplyCancel

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