Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

Our Land – Different, Not Less

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Today’s Our Land post is brought to you by one of my In Real Life friends. Getting to know her and her son Michael this past year has been such a joy. Such a relief. Being able to have play dates with people who not only get Tucker, but love him for who he is has been a true blessing. Having my friend share a story that spreads hope, empathy, and wonder on Finding Ninee is an honor. Here are her most excellent words.

Different, Not Less

My son Michael has autism. Although this reality is not a journey that most would sign up for, it is our journey- our life, and like most, it has its ups and downs.  For the most part, Michael is fun, happy, and sweet.  When I get home from work he says, “hi Mommy! … how are you?” and then runs away.  He knows I am going to grab a hug and kiss. I guess his retreat is a way of preparing for my intrusion or … making it fun for him- he likes a little chase.  On this particular Sunday morning I am about to describe, I had not realized we had entered the land of empathy and wonder.  That’s fine, one of the things I have learned along our way is that good things can show up out of the blue, and when they do, it is important to hold on to them.

So, Michael, my husband and I went to one of our favorite parks.  There was an older gentlemen playing catch with his grandson.  His pride in his grandson was palpable, slightly off putting, but endearing. His grandson, a six year old, blond haired, blue eyed little boy, was not only adorable, but he was catching some pretty hard thrown baseballs with relative ease and tossing them back side-armed as though he had been doing it for years. In all fairness, it was really impressive.  One of the things that has taken me some time, but a gift of sorts, is that I can see talent in others and appreciate it, genuinely appreciate it, and not always think of Michael and how it could relate to him.  This sounds normal and something that should be done all the time, and maybe it should, but sometimes it is hard … for me at least.

Anyway, I was not surprised when his grandfather came over and found a way to talk about his grandson and his remarkable athletic skills.  I smiled and sighed inwardly, wholeheartedly agreeing that his grandson, (lets call him Abe although that was not his name) had some skills.  I was also completely aware that Michael is on a different path.  Borrowing from Temple Grandin, “different … not less.”  Despite my internal dialogue, I was happy to admire his grandson with him.

Michael started calling him “grandpa” because Abe did. I commented offhandedly and somewhat apologetically that Michael tends to repeat things rather than use the clinical term- echolalia (not worth getting into, I say to myself). Abe’s grandpa ignored it and continued to talk about life, money, the housing market, and I drift over to Abe and Michael.

Abe wanted to show me what he could do on the monkey bars, the more attention I gave him the happier he seemed.  I had no problem obliging.  Michael seemed to want to interact so all three of us played on the equipment. Abe described the things he could do- flips, one-handed things etc. And Michael responded with his own version of English which sounds like actual words with the appropriate intonation but they are just not understandable. And to be fair, some of Michael’s words are understandable, more and more nowadays, but in general, it is hard to know what he is saying.  Partly because of this, he seems to have learned not to directly approach other kids, but I can tell he is interested. So, Abe talked about his accomplishments, I encouraged him and Michael had a few comments here and there.  Eventually, and I suspected/feared it might come, Abe said, “I cannot understand a word he is saying.”  I replied, as I have done a few times before, “yeah, Michael is still learning how to talk, sometimes he has a hard time with it.”

This next part is the point of my story, my friends. Especially friends in the land of empathy and wonder.

Abe said, “how old is he?” I said that he is almost four (knowing what this meant but not sure if Abe knew and sort of dreading what was to come). Abe said, “When I was 3 and ¾ (because the ¾ is important at that age), I had trouble talking too, I could only say mom, dad, and leaf. So, my mom took me to talking classes.” I said, “oh, wow, did it help?” He said, “Yeah, it did, I learned to say a whole bunch of words like: yellow, tree, baseball, jump, etc. And now, I am 6 years old, and I talk like this, no problem.”  “Yeah,” he added, “the talking classes really helped, maybe they can help him.” I said, “wow, thanks, for telling me.”  From that point I was sort of in a daze, focusing on holding on to the kindness, so I do not remember exactly what happened next, but I do know that Abe continued to play with Michael.

He was not afraid or confused by his trouble.  He did not shun or avoid him as I have seen many other kids do.  Abe simply accepted him and even offered me some support. I thought wow, what a cool kid.  Not to diminish his baseball skills because they were impressive but heck, in a couple seconds he did a lot more than throw a ball far and straight. He reminded me that I am not alone, that Michael is not alone.  There are things like “talking classes” and 6 year old kids like Abe.

 

T and M running

Tucker and Michael, playing chase

Thank you to my IRL friend for sharing her beautiful story about six year-old Abe. I’m honored.


  • Kathy Radigan - Beautiful story!!!! I am always amazed at how kids react to my daughter who has a brain disorder that still has not diagnosis and had a very hard time communicating. I always feared children would be mean to my daughter and I have to say that those fears have really be unfounded. I do always expect a rude or harsh comment though. I’m so glad your son made a friend!September 4, 2013 – 9:44 amReplyCancel

  • Emily - Beautiful story…it’s amazing (and reassuring) that children can show as much empathy, if not more, than adults.September 4, 2013 – 9:48 amReplyCancel

  • Yvonne - Such a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing this.September 4, 2013 – 10:11 amReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Love this story. I definitely didn’t see that coming. I dreaded with anticipation what Abe was going to say next. Love it that he blew your mind into a happy daze. Thanks for sharing this story Kristi and IRL friend.September 4, 2013 – 10:34 amReplyCancel

  • donofalltrades - What a cool story. Kids will ask questions and we sometimes pucker our buttholes wondering where this is going, but I’ve found that most kids up to a certain age are just curious to learn about “different” people and have no intention of judging or demeaning (not on purpose anyway). My four year old recently had a heck of a good time chatting with a man who’d lost his arm at the elbow. When he first said something I was all, oh god, don’t embarrass me too much but he said “that man has no arm but he’s using a computer, how cool!” The man was very nice and gracious enough to engage my boy and let him explore his stump, as he called it.

    I’m sorry you have to be real life friends with Ninee so your kids can play since she seems like a real pill, but you’re a wonderful parent to make such a sacrifice.September 4, 2013 – 10:45 amReplyCancel

  • Jessica - What a wonderful story! Sometimes kids can be afraid of and shun someone who is different, but many can be so much more open-minded than adults. I think exposure and education help, and like in Abe’s case, shared experience. I’m so glad you were able to meet him and that it helped you so much. I can see why his grandfather is so very proud of him. 🙂September 4, 2013 – 10:53 amReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - The world does really need more moments like these. Abe sounded like a wonderful little boy, who truly got the meaning of seeing past what is on the outside and seeing the truly unique and awesome little boy that your son is. thank you for sharing your story here and does give such hope that there is still so much good out there.September 4, 2013 – 10:57 amReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - Kathy,
    I love that other kids have been so accepting of your daughter! YAY for awesome kids who just accept. And I’m so glad our sons are friends, too.

    Emily,
    So often kids are just better than adults. In a billion ways, I think.

    Yvonne,
    Thank you so much.

    Kenya,
    I’m so glad that Abe blew my friend’s mind, too! Awesome!

    Don,
    That’s cool that your kid found a guy who allowed him to realize that so much is possible no matter what our differences are. Seriously awesome. And thanks for the great endorsement on how awesome I am to hang out with. The things we do for our kids, huh?

    Jessica,
    Me too! Yes, exactly to what you said!

    Janine,
    You’re right. Abe does give so much hope that there is tons of greatness out there.
    September 4, 2013 – 11:05 amReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - What a fantastic story! I definitely hope my kids would be like Abe – accepting and helpful. In fact, I wish everyone would be a lot more like Abe. Sometimes, we learn the greatest lessons from the smallest people! 🙂 Thanks you for sharing~September 4, 2013 – 11:12 amReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - Lisa,
    Agreed! Let’s all be more like Abe!September 4, 2013 – 12:16 pmReplyCancel

  • Anita @ Losing Austin - Oh how precious those moments are! Thank you for sharing your moment with Abe that will long be remembered. I wonder too if that may be part of the Grandpa pride, seeing how hard he’s worked to get where he is.

    Love your land, thank you. <3September 4, 2013 – 12:16 pmReplyCancel

  • Deb @ Urban Moo Cow - I have CHILLS. I’m not kidding. Actual goosebumps. What a really, really great story. In actuality and in “writing” – you led us down a path we thought we knew, but then… no.

    I love how open kids are. When do we beat that out of them, you know?

    Also, I loved this line: “I can see talent in others and appreciate it, genuinely appreciate it” – good on you. Your son will learn that from you… kids pick up on the little things.September 4, 2013 – 12:49 pmReplyCancel

  • SocialButterflyMom - I’m with Deb. I thought I knew where this was going, and then was pleasantly surprised 🙂September 4, 2013 – 3:28 pmReplyCancel

  • Considerer - What an amazing little guy ‘Abe’ is – I hope he never loses that. I’m so glad it worked out well for Michael and your friend, and that this post was shared. It’s a gorgeous inclusion to Our Land, and the pic of Michael and Tucker playing is super 🙂September 4, 2013 – 4:53 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - I love hearing stories like this! May both Michael and Tucker meet many more kids like Abe, and may Abe stay as open, friendly, and accepting of people who are different, not less. Thanks for sharing, Kristi’s IRL friend!September 4, 2013 – 5:36 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerri - I am trying to get past my jealousy that you get to hang with the ultra cool Kristi in real life.

    Okay, I’m over it. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I swear it is the acceptance of our children’s peers that really make our day.September 4, 2013 – 7:32 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - Lucky you – to get to know Kristi in real life! I always tell her that if I knew her in real life, I’d still talk to her on twitter.
    I love this story and I wasn’t expecting the end. Oh “Abe” – you are a cool kid, aren’t you?
    I actually know quite a bit about echolalia as it used to be in my life. And it is hard to explain sometimes. My ex-boyfriend has Tourette Syndrome and echolalia is one of his biggest symptoms. I became ear-trained to know in advance what might upset him and I’d try to avoid it. He was a grown man and could take care of himself very well in that department so avoiding sounds may have been overkill. It was just something I did.September 4, 2013 – 9:02 pmReplyCancel

  • Stephanie @ Mommy, for Real. - Wow, that was so beautiful! The interaction between you and the two boys at the end gave me chills. I was worried this post would end with a demonstration of the innate cruelty children can possess, but instead it ended with a display of children’s innate goodness, empathy, and love. So thrilled that you joined the Our Land series!September 4, 2013 – 10:42 pmReplyCancel

  • K - OMG. I just got chills from that last part. Thank you, thank you, thank you. This is exactly what I needed to read today.September 5, 2013 – 1:55 pmReplyCancel

  • Rachel - Wow, kids have a wisdom that we lose somehow. This story reminds me to be like them more often. What a story of grace. Thank you. And I loved the Temple Grandin quote. So simple, so true, and so beautiful.September 5, 2013 – 8:57 pmReplyCancel

  • Joell @ Red Van Ramblings - Love this! We have SO BEEN THERE! And this –> “one of the things I have learned along our way is that good things can show up out of the blue, and when they do, it is important to hold on to them.” YES!! Love it! With our son, who has Asperger’s, and who is now 18, we have always celebrated everything…all the things that just sort of happened to other kids without really trying…for example, tying shoes, riding a bike, having a conversation with someone, remaining in a loud restaurant without bolting, remembering on his own to turn in his homework. The kindnesses of others…The knowing looks of other autism or special needs mommies…We celebrate them, and hold on to them. 🙂 Beautiful post!September 6, 2013 – 1:34 amReplyCancel

  • Sarah Almond - If only more children would be like Abe! How wonderful that he is so accepting and understanding of others. 🙂 I am so happy that your IRL friend joined you today. And I am envious of someone who gets to hang out with Kristi and Tucker in the real world! 😀September 6, 2013 – 10:01 pmReplyCancel

  • Jen - This is such an amazing heartwarming story. I kept wondering where it was going, so happy it went there.
    My son has Sensory Processing Disorder which creates behavior that is also surprising to some kids, and I feel badly for worrying what will happen each time he makes a new friend at the park.
    This is an interaction to hold dear, and I will not assume things will go badly, I will think of this.September 8, 2013 – 12:42 pmReplyCancel

  • Kimberly - This is so beautiful. I’m crying. I really am. That child has a heart that is gold and open and accepting and only 6 years old.
    God I needed to read this.September 11, 2013 – 2:34 pmReplyCancel

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