Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

Our Land: Unbreakable

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Today’s Our Land was authored by a woman known on the interwebs as Cynk (Cyn K – clever, right?). While I honestly can’t remember where we found one another (Twisted Mixed Tape, maybe?), I’m so glad that we did. She (like me!) assumed she’d be “forever childless,” and, after becoming a mother and seeing how quickly her son was growing up, began her blog with the intent of creating a photo journal of her son.

She planned on posting one photo a day, that would show a unique glimpse into her son’s life. Once he was diagnosed with autism, her voice grew, and now, her intent is to share stories and experiences to raise autism acceptance. She also posts about herself, sometimes. She’s awesome. I admire Cynk’s voice and her commitment to autism acceptance.

Without further ado, here’s today’s Our Land post:

Our Land: Unbreakable

The problem I have with empathy is that it allows me to imagine all the different, conflicting ways that people are judging my parenting.

Upon hearing the phrase “helicopter parent,” I knew people could slap that label on me.  When I take my son to the park, I hover. He cruises the tot lot picking up the trash that catches on the fence. Distracted by colorful bits of debris, he doesn’t watch as he walks directly in front of a child on the swings. Other times he treats the park as a giant messy table. He runs his fingers through the mulch covering, grabbing it by the handful and throwing it in the air. That’s when I worry that, if I sat on the bench and left him alone, some other parent would be thinking: Look at that mom not paying any attention to her kid. He’s throwing things at my little angel.

I haven’t even mentioned how Philip’s autism results in a fascinating combination of anxiety and fearlessness. This means I keep close to both encourage him to try new things and to stop him from breaking a limb because he’ll climb anything.

I love when we have the park to ourselves. There’s no one to judge me or my son.

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Credit: Pixabay

These imaginary, critical voices linger in my head every time we go out in public. I am at my most anxious when we visit someone’s house. I worry that Philip will cling to me out of fear or explore willy-nilly and get his hands on some precious or dangerous item.

With that in mind, you can imagine my stress level in December as we drove three hours to Michigan to visit my husband’s family? Peter had not seen his father’s sister in the twenty years since his dad’s funeral. To me, Aunt Helen was only a name on birthday and Christmas cards. To her, Philip was a face in preschool photos and a few words hastily written on thank you notes.

The visit got off to a good start. Philip was feeling brave, but not too. He kicked off his shoes and made himself at home in Helen’s living room watching TV with her husband. Aunt Helen, Peter and I sat around her kitchen table chatting.

After a few minutes, Helen announced we were going to her daughter’s house for lunch. My stomach grumbled and then rumbled. I worried how Philip would react to yet another new place. I prepared to hover.

Peter’s cousin, Athena, welcomed us in. There were hugs and coats were taken. The Christmas tree was still up in the front room, so Philip lingered there. I kept moving from the kitchen to the front room to check on him. With all those fragile ornaments, I dreaded hearing a crash. I didn’t want to be known as the neglectful mother who married into the family and let her kid run amok.

“Sit down,” Athena told me. “Relax. He’ll be okay.”

Helicopter parent, I was sure she was thinking.

But no. I was wrong.

“There is nothing breakable in this house,” she stated, “except for my children.”

“Oh,” she laughed at the afterthought, “and my husband.”

With those words, I parked my helicopter self in the kitchen. I took the time to get to know this amazing woman who valued people more than things.

And I wondered what the world would be like if more people felt like her.

Awesome, right? Go check out Cynk’s blog.  Here’s a bit more about her:

Cyn K, a thoroughly Midwestern working mom, blogs about her autistic son, antisocial stay-at-home husband and adorable dog over at that cynking feeling. She tweets as@cynkingfeeling.


  • that cynking feeling - Thank you so much for letting me join the ranks of Our Land contributors. I’m honored to be included in this diverse collection of voices.April 9, 2014 – 9:56 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thank you so much for sharing your story in Our Land. I love that your husband’s family was so open and accepting of Philip. I hope the whole world reads your words and realizes that it’s time to accept autism. You rock!April 9, 2014 – 11:04 amReplyCancel

  • Dana - I remember enough about mythology to know that Athena is the goddess of wisdom. Peter’s cousin is aptly named; she’s clearly a wise woman who knows what (or who) is really of value. Thank you for sharing your story, Cyn!April 9, 2014 – 10:15 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Dana and awesome connection to Athena, the goddess of wisdom. Here’s to a bunch of people realizing who is of value!April 9, 2014 – 11:05 amReplyCancel

  • Kerri - Oh my, I am that parent. The one that is so afraid of my child breaking something. But in truth I am that way with my older child as well, wanting her to be polite, respectful and a good person when it comes to other persons and things. BUT I think the difference is with Abby I can expect her to behave and Boo? Well, I just hope she does.

    I think it is freaking awesome that the aunt/cousin put you at ease. I always tell people when they visit we have nothing unbreakable. I am now going to add except our children cause the Husband can defend himself 🙂

    Oh and by the way…I always pronounced you “sink” oops I much prefer Sin (o)k(ay) 🙂April 9, 2014 – 11:25 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I am too, Kerri. It’s the worst at my dad’s because they have this gigantic mirror on the wall that’s heavy as *%$# and of course Tucker is fascinated by it. Completely. He actually (knock on wood) hasn’t really broken anything though. I think it’s awesome that Aunt Athena put her to ease as well and I’ve always thought of Cyn as pronounced as “sink” too but I think that makes sense because her blog is really “that sinking feeling” just spelled cooler!April 9, 2014 – 12:10 pmReplyCancel

    • that cynking feeling - You can call me sink anytime.April 9, 2014 – 12:57 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - I like that Aunt Athena…a lot.:)April 9, 2014 – 11:59 amReplyCancel

  • Sarah - I love when a preconceived notion (or worry) turns out to be wrong in the best way possible. Isn’t it wonderful when you realize this person you are related to, and that you love, is also a genuinely wonderful person?April 9, 2014 – 1:34 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Sarah, YES! I love when a worry becomes a benefit and when family surprises us by being even more awesome.April 9, 2014 – 8:25 pmReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - I am totally that parent, too and just so thankful for people like Athena, because I always worry that my kids will break something when I go to a new place with them. So truly is nice when I am somewhere and don’t have to have these types of worries.April 9, 2014 – 1:41 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Janine, you’re right. It truly IS wonderful and nice when we don’t have these worries! I wish they were more common 🙂April 9, 2014 – 10:33 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - Such a sweet story and a reminder about how we can be so quick to judge and slap labels on other parents without knowing the full story. Thanks for the reminder and for sharing your story!April 9, 2014 – 1:59 pmReplyCancel

  • don - Hooray, a cyn k siting on Our Land! Lol. I love me some Philip stories. He and Tucker would be great running buddies.

    I think we all worry (well, I don’t, but I thin all normal parents do) about how their kids are going to behave in a new place and around new people. They’re very unpredictable little buggers, aren’t they?April 9, 2014 – 2:17 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Dude Philip and Tucker would make awesome running buddies. With you as their coach of course. Maybe. Hm. Something like that. And yeah, to the whole thing.April 9, 2014 – 10:39 pmReplyCancel

  • Anita Davis Sullivan - There’s nothing breakable but children… how wise. xoxoApril 9, 2014 – 3:17 pmReplyCancel

  • Twindaddy - I guess this makes me a helicopter parent. I feel like I need to be there to stop Baby C from sticking the next lose object he finds in his mouth. Sigh…April 9, 2014 – 3:57 pmReplyCancel

    • that cynking feeling - Twindaddy-this week alone I’ve had to say, “don’t bite the book,” “why are you chewing that?” and “stop eating the dirt.”April 9, 2014 – 9:56 pmReplyCancel

      • Twindaddy - You win.April 10, 2014 – 10:22 amReplyCancel

        • that cynking feeling - Wasn’t trying to make it a competition. Only said that to let you know I understand.April 10, 2014 – 2:13 pmReplyCancel

          • Twindaddy - Oh, I know. That was an attempt to be funny. Evidently I failed. I’ll try harder next time.April 10, 2014 – 2:26 pm

    • Kristi Campbell - I guess we’re all helicopter parents, in one way or another?April 9, 2014 – 11:10 pmReplyCancel

      • Twindaddy - So it seems.April 10, 2014 – 10:22 amReplyCancel

  • Gary Sidley - Touching post (no pun intended!). I know from personal experience how difficult it is to relax when my kids were around other people,or in someone’s house. I guess that discomfort is magnified many times for kids with special needs.April 10, 2014 – 6:50 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - It really is difficult to relax with kids in other people’s houses with young children. When those kids don’t understand boundaries and have issues, it definitely makes it more worrisome. Thanks, Gary.April 10, 2014 – 10:59 amReplyCancel

  • Tamara - Whoa, I got chills from that quote! And Athena is the best name ever. It’s the name of my new puppy, after The Who song, and I do value her more than things..which is good..because she likes to destroy things.
    Anyway, a beautiful story.April 10, 2014 – 9:31 amReplyCancel

  • Michelle - There’s nothing breakable in this house except my children and my husband. I LOVE that. Really, what else is important. I have to say I used to worry about “stuff”…no more. I just don’t care anymore. “Stuff” is a distraction from life. This was beautiful! And thanks for helping me out on twitter the other day…I found the answer!!April 10, 2014 – 9:51 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I used to worry about my stuff too, Michelle, but you’re right – it’s just stuff. And a distraction from life. Thanks, Michelle!!April 10, 2014 – 11:01 amReplyCancel

  • K - LOVE this post. So often it feels as though others don’t understand, when in reality there are so many amazing people in this world, and I think oftentimes people “get it” more than we realize. (: My to-do list is exploding but I’m so glad I took a moment to stop by tonight because this is just what I needed. Thanks for sharing!April 10, 2014 – 7:06 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, K! I think people get it when they think about it but not always at the time ya know? Except this wonderful Athena got it!April 11, 2014 – 5:32 pmReplyCancel

  • Sandy Ramsey - Oh, how you must have loved Athena! Good for her and how wonderful that must have been for you. You are so right. More people like that her are needed in this world. I know her words make me want to be better at it all. Great, great, great post!April 11, 2014 – 9:26 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I agree that more people are needed like Athena, who realize that only people are truly breakable.April 11, 2014 – 5:43 pmReplyCancel

  • Rachel - When I was a special education teacher, field trips always had me so on-edge. When we were in familiar places, I could anticipate the things that were not going to go as “expected” for my kids. The same wasn’t true in new environments. One time, we went to the Museum of Modern Art, and one of my kids decided he wanted to step on one of the sculptures. When I pulled him away, he screamed and his voice reverberated against the walls of the gallery. I think people thought I was hurting him! In these situations, you do just want empathy. You want people to see the child like you do, as unique and curious and, sometimes, needing guidance.April 11, 2014 – 1:24 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Rachel,
      I know what you mean about wishing that we just want empathy. All of us deserve empathy as does every child!April 11, 2014 – 5:47 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - That WAS awesome. I was feeling tense when you guys changed houses. I love Athena’s words, “Nothing breakable … except my children.” Glad she made you relax Cyn, loved this post.April 11, 2014 – 7:19 pmReplyCancel

  • Kimberly - I don’t think that you should have the label of “helicopter mom” since you are protecting your son from harm. The “helicopter moms” at my son’s school drive me batty. Sure, I don’t know them and I shouldn’t judge but hell, if the kid’s tights are looking like they are sagging a bit or if their hair starts to unravel out of a pony tail, so be it. Don’t yell for them to leave the school yard because you notice it. Those kids get so embarrassed that their moms hover like that. Those things don’t matter, whereas safety does.April 13, 2014 – 11:28 amReplyCancel

    • that cynking feeling - It’s the difference between keeping close to protect our children and hovering to control them, that’s for sure.April 15, 2014 – 4:19 pmReplyCancel

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