Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

On Being Thankful, Bed, Mothering, And Guilt

At one point in my life, I strived to be the last to leave a party. Always, afraid I may miss something. Today though, or, at least last night, I was the first to leave, afraid to miss what was going on at home and afraid that missing it would equal unwelcome repercussions.

My son’s hand in mine, with the words “hug me and don’t go.” That he thinks about when he was young, which was also yesterday and tonight, when he wanted me to stay. That I hug him tightly and relish it while also wanting to leave his room to pee, to write, to not be in bed just yet. Feeling guilty for wanting to leave.

I want to be home for my son when he goes to bed. That sounds altruistic and motherly, but selfishly, it also means that I’m able to take advantage of the fact that on weekends, there is usually at least one day when my husband lets me sleep. When I’m not here for bedtime, which is rare, it means that my son remembers that at 3am.

It means that sleeping in on a weekend day isn’t sleeping in.

While I remember how much I adore sleep, the only time I have to write is late at night, once my little boy is sleeping. It’s a bonus when my husband is, as well. The house is quieter then. More reflective and more mine.

It’s late here, and we’re hovering on the eve prior to Spring Break with no plans. My husband’s job has been demanding recently and he’s been hesitant to commit to anything, and rather than pushing and scheduling, I rolled with it and now find myself with my son’s Spring Break tomorrow (TOMORROW!) with no plans and no schedules. I need to work a bit as well.

I’m not really sure how well that’ll work out but plan to try and roll with it. To find thankful within it.

I’m also thankful for art and community this week. A little boy’s art that has come so far.

The best part of kindergarten is toys and Legos. The worst? Burp. (and no, he can’t spell these words on his own but he is getting really good at writing his letters!)

Best and worst of kindergarten

I’d actually forgotten about the Listen To Your Mother Cast party and went Saturday night. It was awesome to see last year’s fellow cast members, meet this year’s, and reconnect with some from prior years. It was also really awesome to be reminded that our stories are important. Everybody has so many.

Telling them is liberating. I am so thankful to have taken part in Listen to Your Mother.

A few of my friends are recovering from not being chosen this year and I want to remind them and all of us that their stories are utterly amazing. That they were brave to try and that I hope they’ll try again. One friend has been told “no” twice and is reading this year. Keep telling the stories.

I’m thankful for the words “Not Bad!!” by Tucker’s Tao Kwon Do teacher, when we’ve been wondering whether the class and the moves are too much for him.

I’m thankful for spring break and for this little boy, in a movie today, sipping his lemonade. For his superhero hair. And his superhero self.

That we kicked the ball back and forth in fading sunshine after the movie.

That we played in the too-cold dirt before it.

Finding NInee Boy Sipping

What are you thankful for this week?

Ten Things of ThankfulYour hosts: A Fly on our (Chicken Coop) Wall, Amycake and the Dude, Considerings, Finding Ninee, Getting Literal, I Want Backsies, The Meaning of Me, Thankful Me, Uncharted, The Wakefield Doctrine

Join the Ten Things of Thankful Facebook Group


  • Kerri - Oh you have so much to be thankful for, my friend. I mean he WROTE BURP!!! You must be so proud and no I am not being sarcastic 🙂 Okay a little because it is freaking hysterical. TMarch 30, 2015 – 9:17 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - He did write BURP! I mean, he had to ask how to spell it but he wrote it and thought it and PROUD and yeah, totally hysterical. Now to the fart jokes. Seriously.March 30, 2015 – 10:27 pmReplyCancel

  • Allie - Guilt? For what momma? You are awesome. And we are not going anywhere for spring break either, and I don’t even have a good reason! Want to hear all about LTYM show. The Atlanta one isn’t until May, but I plan to go.March 30, 2015 – 10:00 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Guilt for wanting to leave Tucker’s room? For not wanting to fall asleep there with him even though he wants me to? And it wasn’t yet the show – May 3 here, but the cast party…March 30, 2015 – 10:28 pmReplyCancel

  • yvonne - I can relate to what you say about wanting to be there at bedtime because your son remembers at 3am if you aren’t. One of my daughters was like that for a long time too.
    What a cool drawing Tucker did and his writing is brilliant! LIke Kerri, I think you can be proud. My older daughter wrote several letters backwards at that age, so I do think he’s doing amazingly well.
    Hope you have a lovely spring break.March 30, 2015 – 10:26 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Yvonne! I agree that Tucker’s drawing (while I have no clue what it is or how it relates to toys or to burps) is awesome. He’s come SO FAR. Thanks for the wishes for a great spring break!March 30, 2015 – 10:30 pmReplyCancel

  • Kim - I remember times that it was hard to be gone at bedtime but also nice to get out and be around other adults without kids.
    I hope y’all have a fun spring break!! Sometimes the ones without plans are the best!!March 30, 2015 – 11:11 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Yeah, nice to be out and feeling like a person and not just a mom – thanks, Kim!March 30, 2015 – 10:34 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - I always used to strive to be the last to leave the party too…but now? I’m usually too tired to stay that late! As for spring break and NO PLANS, that’s us too. Big Dude doesn’t have break until next week and the other two dudes have it this week, so I’m pretty much screwed. 🙂 Of course, with two teenagers who like to sleep and do nothing and one dude who will gladly play his xbox all day, I’m in the position of trying to make them do SOMETHING over this break!March 30, 2015 – 12:20 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Emily! I love that you used to be the last at a party and that you have no plans for spring break. It sucks that all of the dudes have different ones though – makes it harder to figure out whether to bother going somewhere or not. Ahhh to teenagers who sleep. That’s for real, right?March 30, 2015 – 10:36 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Love the karate video. He’s trying and looks like he wants to get it. I feel guilty at moments when I hang with Christopher before bed sometimes because I am thinking ahead to when I’m not in there and sometimes I don’t hear what he’s saying. And sometimes it makes me so sleepy to hang with him for those last few minutes that I’m ready to go to bed myself. I wish I could stay up until the house was quiet but my husband can stay up forever watching tv then he wants me to watch too. Anyhoo – it’s natural – no need to feel guilty about be excited for time to yourself. But I feel you on wanting to be there at bedtime so you don’t have to answer a 3am call.March 30, 2015 – 3:21 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kenya,
      He’s SO trying. He didn’t want to go tonight because the other kids know more. They’ve been doing it for longer and don’t have some of his constraints. I told him that if he went, we’d go to Chipolte afterwards and the whole way there, he was faking counting to 10 in Korean (you have to know how to get the white or yellow belt – not sure which).
      I get what you mean about feeling so sleepy in bed with the kiddo. That’s part of my problem. I feel guilty that I don’t just go to sleep when I want to but well, yeah. You know.March 30, 2015 – 10:38 pmReplyCancel

  • Stephanie @ Life, Unexpectedly - Yay for sunshine! We had a few rays of it coming through the dark clouds, casting this very eerie light. Love the “burp”- comment! Absolutely awesome!! And congrats to you for taking part in this project and enjoying the party. Off to bed for me now! Have a great week!March 30, 2015 – 4:11 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Stephanie! I hope you have a great week too! And yeah, I thought the burp comment was hilarious 🙂March 31, 2015 – 1:24 pmReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth - He looks so cute! So glad you are simply enjoying your time with him. I love spending time with my son. 🙂March 30, 2015 – 4:41 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - Burp is a terrible thing about kindergarten! I agree.
    I have spring break plans for you. Drive to MA. I can’t promise you spring weather but we do special free photography sessions for extra cuties.March 30, 2015 – 4:49 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - LOL Tamara! I so wish I could drive to MA. For time with you and photography of the extra cutie little boy!March 31, 2015 – 6:39 pmReplyCancel

  • Sarah - Ohmygosh, Tucker’s art is AMAZING!!! He’s doing such a great job! And the thumbs up from the TKD teacher? Way to go, Tucker!

    Yeah, I know about the trade-off of your own desires for some peace at night…or to sleep through the night!!! Sleep throughs seem to be pretty rare around here of late. Boo to that. Yay to you!March 30, 2015 – 7:57 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Sarah, I agree! He’s doing SUCH a great job! Sorry that sleep has been rare around there – total boo!March 31, 2015 – 6:40 pmReplyCancel

  • ivy - Not bad at all! AND wow! He is getting to be a good printer! Nice letters Tucker! Spring break… was always such a challenge to find stuff every day… I never understood those moms who prefer summer vacation to school…. I thought maybe they were stay at home moms and had more time… I like to fool myself that way!March 30, 2015 – 9:14 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - He’s getting to be SUCH a good printer!! Yay Tucker!! It’s hard to figure out how to work and have fun on spring break and summer. I wish I’d just had taken the whole week off this week. Kinda.March 31, 2015 – 6:44 pmReplyCancel

  • My Inner Chick - I’m thankful for several things.
    One, which is “You.”

    xxxMarch 30, 2015 – 10:58 pmReplyCancel

  • Roshni - Enjoy your spring break! Ours is next week and we’ve made these humongous long drive plans *shudder*April 1, 2015 – 5:16 pmReplyCancel

  • Camille - My Kindergartener is getting better with her writing too, I’m so proud! Isn’t it amazing how much they learn in this first year of school?April 2, 2015 – 2:35 pmReplyCancel

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