Hi! Bytheway, that’s not a syrupy lovely “hi” as we’ve got another snow day today. And tomorrow. It’s more of a psycho “hi!” because I need interaction of the human kind.
Anyway, it’s Finish the Sentence Friday time! Today’s may have been a bit confusing to those who follow along in our Facebook group, as Don originally submitted the sentence “I was found guilty and the judge punished me to do my least favorite thing, so this weekend, I have to…”
Kate shortened it to be more idiot-proof user-friendly, and so now it’s “I was found guilty…” (#IWasFoundGuilty). The thing is, after getting blondie here all confused about which sentence to complete, Don became wimpy-girly-whiny and decided that he’s got his man period or whatever and is “on a mental hiatus from blogging” (I can just hear the whine, and him getting fat from BLL as I type his words here).
I told him to suck it up and take a Midol but, well, you know. He’s a man and believes that drinking Bud Light Lime while his ass melds to his couch while surfing questionable porn is more personally fulfilling or some such crap than reading the party-on-excellent bloggers who play #FTSF would be. Candyass.
If you see him around, be sure to tell him that I think he’s a weenie for backing out. He’ll appreciate it. The judge found him guilty of being a pussy and backing out of his own blog hop idea this week. Here’s the punishment he gave himself on FB chat tonight when I asked him what it would be: “Being home all weekend with the kids alone and not allowed to leave the house at all. Oh and there’s no beer in the house!!”
I don’t really live an exciting enough life to be found guilty of much, but I have been guilty of:
- Possibly drinking one bottle (stupid auto-correct) glass too many when I found out that my husband would be here this morning because we’re having another fucking snow day. Oh, tomorrow, too. Whoot. This shit is getting old, peeps.
- Giving my kid too much screen time on snow days, because duh, see above.
- Not showering unless I need to be somewhere, although really the water conservation people probably should thank me for that privately. Or start giving out awards.
- Conveniently forgetting to do household chores so that my husband, who works way more hours than I do, must confront them when he comes home. In my defense, it’s a little bit his fault, as he voluntarily took over all the laundry a couple of years ago so that he’d be able to control the cycle of when his no-iron work shirts are washed, and with what (as in, no other items are allowed – I’m pretty sure that part is the Army’s fault, or, that my hubs has OCD).
My punishments must be fitting and involve doing my least favorite things. No wimpy turns-out-to-be-rewarding community service, like working in a nursing home or in a dog adoption shelter. Nope. My punishment jobs have gotta suck, and suck big. Like, here are the the worst community service jobs ever (that I can think of, anyway):
- Slaughterhouse worker. Gross, sad, and I’d likely never eat again (the upside is that I’d probably lose a few pounds though, so that might be good).
- Volunteering in the rectal thermometer factory. I saw somebody post something on FB this week that said each rectal thermometer is tested personally. Ew, and if that person was you, let me know and I’ll credit you here.
- Does somebody have the job of cleaning Porta-potties? Because I can barely pee in one, much less imagine cleaning one.
- Who picks up roadkill? Somebody does right? I mean, I’ve seen deer on the side of the road, and after like a week or whatever, they’re gone. Somebody must have to pick them up.
- Doing the sewage cleanup work like poor Fiona had on Shameless.
- Parenting without a glass of wine at the end of the day when it’s been six-day weekend due to the jerk more affectionately knows as Snowmageddon. Don’t get me wrong. I love sledding and playing in the snow. But my son is four, and it’s freezing out. So these outings are short, and usually followed by a bath in the middle of the day. And I can never think of how to fill the remaining 11 hours after my inspired “Let’s pretend to sleep” game fails, and I end up going all out with airplane flying and becoming a human bridge between the sofa and the chair, so that Tucker can pretend to be Scooby Doo on a mission to recover a lost airplane. It’s a long 11 hours, my friends.
I started thinking about Candyass Don again. I wonder if he’s faking? It might be something like this:
What about you? What are you guilty of? What’s your punishment? Having another fun school-less week where you are, too? Tell me!
Your Finish the Sentence Friday Hosts:
Janine: Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic
Kate: Can I get another bottle of whine?
Stephanie: Mommy, for Real
me: finding ninee
Tonight’s OOPS WIMP is Don from Donofalltrades LOVELY AWESOME co-host is Michelle Grewe from Dribbles and Grits.