Finding Ninee » Sharing our special needs and autism story through heart and humor.

    The year 2059

    It’s easy to say “I will be better.” It’s not as easy to get there.

    Think about if, right now, you had five whole hours to do anything in the world – there are no kids that need you, you’re not hungry, and you’re not under a deadline. You’re not tired, and you’re showered. You’re satiated in all of the to-do list ways. You were a good parent today. You were a good producer/earner/contributor today.  You have five hours. Your hours.

    What would you spend them doing?

    It’s a hard question.  One that leads to what you want to be doing for the next 30-50 years, and which things you want to check off of your bucket list prior to dying.

    Some of the items on my bucket list include:

    Visiting Alaska in the middle of the winter so that I can see the Northern Lights at their brightest and their fullest.

    I want to scuba dive with my son. Diving needs no language, and takes us to a place that is both foreign and familiar. There is nothing like floating at the edge of an abyss that brings home how small and how important we are, wrapped up into the same.

    I hope to write a book that is read by every single person who needs to read it, for every reason and for all of the whatever reasons. I want to share our experiences because there are people who are exactly-me-me, a mere nine months ago. Looking for a tribe.  Looking for understanding. Looking for moms who know about terrifying doctor’s visits, evaluations, frustration, and worry. Moms who feel all of those things, sometimes to the point of depression and bad dreams and feeling like a complete failure.  Hearing that your baby is delayed, accepting it and rejecting it 1001 times over the past year…that matters. Finding people who get it matters. I want to share the heartbreak and the hugs. I want to celebrate that different is okay. That different is good. Normal.

    I will advocate for a special needs/autism teacher-program that is on a different salary track and never, ever, ever has the gigantic lack of resources and aides that it does today, so that Tucker and all of the Tuckers coming after him (1 in 50 now, friends) never experience a classroom more concerned with standardized testing, not being able to fire the fucking idiots, and focuses instead on teaching EVERY child in the way that he needs to be taught in order to learn. I want a classroom where kids are encouraged to contribute.  To feel value for themselves and for their ability to change the world, regardless of their physical or mental abilities.  Because. They. Can. And they will, people.  They will. Our kids – my kid – will change the world.   They will make it better and more perfect. I promise.

    I want all of those things.  But above everything else, what I’d like to be able to do before I die is to live the following scene, in the year 2059.

    I’ll be almost 91 years old, and after celebrating Tucker’s 50th birthday with him, I wish that I’m able to tell his children – my grandchildren – about how, once, many years ago, their daddy called airplanes “ninees.” I want to infuse their smiles with laughter and awe and I want them to ask for more stories about their daddy, when he was still my young little boy.

    I want to tell them about how we didn’t have cell phones or the Internet when I was their age. I want them to think I’m fibbing when I tell them stories about trying to refold paper maps.

    I want to be seated in the Grandma Chair, perhaps with a blanket around my legs because I’ll get cold those days, while my grandchildren bicker and vie for my attention.

    I want to see them get sleepy by my feet while my son’s amazing wife brings me a hot cup of tea, or a glass of scotch, depending on the occasion.

    I want to know that Tucker is living a full life. I want to know that he is living a life filled with love, and children, and meaningful everythings. Laughter. I want to know that most of his life was filled with me. I want to wish him a happy birthday on his 50th and I want to blow out a candle with him, wishing him the same fulfillment and pride in watching his own children grow up that I celebrated with him.

    I want him to know how much he made me better. Made everything better.  And I want him to know that whether he is a grocery bagger or an engineer, that I am blessed, beyond all of the beyonds, to be his mom.

    I want to be here in 2059.  I want my son to know that all of the most important moments mattered because of him. I want to see for myself in which way he chose to change the world.

    That’s my bucket list.

    What’s yours? Tell me?

    This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post. Today’s sentence was “My bucket list includes…”
    Your lovely hosts:
    Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic (TwitterFacebook)
    Can I get another bottle of whine? (TwitterFacebook)
    Mommy, for Real (TwitterFacebook)
    Dawn’s Disaster (TwitterFacebook)

     


    • Emily - If you didn’t include the drawing of you wearing a Metallica t-shirt, I’d be bawling my head off right now. You nailed this post and I loved every word.August 2, 2013 – 4:53 pmReplyCancel

    • Janine Huldie - Oh seriously Krisit, you really know how to make me tear up. Such a wonderful post and really do hope that you get your wish and be grandma to tell this story to your grandkids. Thank you so very much for just being who you are and it really does shine through with each and every post you write. And also can’t thank you enough for joining us each week and excited for next week and the weeks to follow now!!! :)
      Janine Huldie recently posted…Finish the Sentence Friday Blog Hop 30My ProfileAugust 2, 2013 – 4:59 pmReplyCancel

    • GirlieOnTheEdge - Allfuckingrightthen. Most excellent post and…. I’m decided.
      See, I’m familiar with Oakton. Before moving to FL in 2003, I lived not more than a hop, skip and jump from there. Cross over Rt. 50 (other side of the tracks? lol)and you’ll find a little old neighborhood that goes by the name of Greenbriar. We lived there for many a year. Small world as they say:)
      So-o if the tiniest thread of this job offer I’m waiting to hear on by month’s end comes through and we find ourselves once again living in NOVA, we’re simply going to have to meet. What say Kristi?August 2, 2013 – 5:43 pmReplyCancel

    • Considerer - You really are one of life’s ‘WOW!’ people, ya know that? I hope your future grandchildren get to know that :)

      Absolutely stunningly beautiful…and then that illustration :p
      Considerer recently posted…7 Quick Takes 40 x FTSFMy ProfileAugust 2, 2013 – 5:49 pmReplyCancel

    • Rich Rumple - Okay, Kristi, you’ve done it again. From the laughter we’ve become accustomed to the heartfelt wishes of a mother that loves. 2059, huh, let’s see, I’d be 105 then. The cats will never let me live that long. I do hope you get your wish. Just don’t be fumble fingered and spill the damn tea!!! :)August 2, 2013 – 7:52 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Emily,
      Thank you for noticing the Metallica t-shirt. You’re the bomb diggity.

      Janine,
      Aw, thanks. I’m really excited about being a host, too! Like REALLY excited!!!
      :)

      Girlie,
      HELLZ yes we’re hanging out if you move to NOVA. Please move to NOVA? That would be so cool. I hope you get the job. Not sure where Greenbriar is but we’re not in the fancy part of Oakton, FYI.

      Considerer,
      I think you’re pretty WOW people yourself, you. And thank you, I hope my future grandchildren get to know it as well.

      Rich,
      Start bribing Gabriela with catnip now. Maybe she’ll have mercy on you. I hope you live to be 105. And I think I decided the tea will be scotch, instead, no matter the occasion. At almost 91, I’ll deserve a stiff drink.

      Kristi Campbell recently posted…The year 2059My ProfileAugust 2, 2013 – 8:25 pmReplyCancel

    • Sylvia - I’ll be 100 in 2059! I’ll probably be long gone by then!

      On my bucket list:
      I want to travel the US including and especially Hawaii.
      I want to relocate to NC and buy/build two tiny houses connected by a covered deck which will be my outdoor room! A main house and a mancave/green house for my husband!
      Sylvia recently posted…Friendship FridayMy ProfileAugust 2, 2013 – 8:36 pmReplyCancel

    • Lori Lavender Luz - If everyone in the world was loved the way your son is loved, can you imagine how wonderful things could be?

      Yes, the Metallica shirt kept me from dissolving into a puddle, but also this: “stories about trying to refold paper maps.”

      How DID we do it??
      Lori Lavender Luz recently posted…Perfect Moment Monday: Reed guest postsMy ProfileAugust 2, 2013 – 8:45 pmReplyCancel

    • clark - Have fallen way behind today, only posted my FTSF at, like, 3 pm.

      I came here first (but not before I published my Post) because of the amazing semi-synchronicity that I often see between your treatment of a theme and my own, which can be fun in an alternately disturbing and ego-pumping sort of way.

      I originally wrote a Comment that consisted of maybe 5 words, ‘I enjoyed reading your Post’. While it is a true statement, I did not ‘scan’ (I think that is a literary term of some sort).

      I read this (your) Post as ‘the expression of a clark as reflected by another’. Translation: we feel we can (and should be) more than we think we are, but we immediately recognize, in the love of another, the part of ourselves that we hope is there.

      This is not to say Tucker is simply validation or proof of what you would be, far from out. He is, in a sense, from a certain perspective the objective manifestation of what you know is within yourself. You can see it in how he looks at you… how he ‘regards’ you.

      In looking at this Post and my Post I see a similar sense of the desire to know that you have accounted for yourself (and by extension Tucker and the rest of the family) as well as anyone could hope.
      I think I am saying something similar, but more from the perspective of not seeing the objective manifestation of making the most of life.

      I enjoyed reading your Post.
      clark recently posted…“and if I die before I…” the Wakefield Doctrine ‘if a Post is not read, can it be said to be finished? or is it still a SentenceMy ProfileAugust 2, 2013 – 8:59 pmReplyCancel

    • Deb @ Urban Moo Cow - You, with the always making me blubber and sniffle at my computer!! Meeting my grandchildren… I mean, yeah, that has to be on the bucket list.

      The answer to your first question, though, the 5 hours one? Write, run and nap.

      xo
      Deb @ Urban Moo Cow recently posted…Guest Post: Why I Am Ungrateful For Pink, Plastic and PrincessesMy ProfileAugust 2, 2013 – 9:02 pmReplyCancel

    • Lisa @ The Golden spoons - Kristo, this is absolutely beautiful! I just don’t know what else there is ti say!
      Lisa @ The Golden spoons recently posted…Summer Bucket List UpdateMy ProfileAugust 2, 2013 – 9:08 pmReplyCancel

    • Sarah | LeftBrainBuddha - Now I know what crashed the Internet today ~ the awesome power of all these amazing posts about what we want to do with our one single life. This is fantastic, Kristi, just absolutely amazing. I hope you do write that book because it will be touching and inspiring, just like this post. Wowzers.

      {And I love grandma in her Metallica shirt. And also, in my ‘research,’ seeing the Northern lights and scuba diving were also in the top 20. It’s made reading these posts so interesting!}
      Sarah | LeftBrainBuddha recently posted…What Would You Do If You Weren’t Afraid?My ProfileAugust 2, 2013 – 9:09 pmReplyCancel

    • Elizabeth @ Rocks, No Salt Mommy - Fabulous, indeed Kristi. You have opened my eyes to the world of children with developmental delays. I’ve always struggled with the idea of having a child with a developmental delay. Before I was even a mom, I was scared that my children wouldn’t be “perfect.” But through my experiences as a teacher and reading your blog {and a lot of growing up}, I realize that there is no “perfect.” Each child is “perfect” for who he is and why he is in this world. I love your honesty and your openness – you’re not afraid to sugar coat the tough stuff, but you’re also open to showing the wonderful, positive side of your life with Tucker. I love, love, love all your posts, but this one in particular. It shows your hopefulness, your expectations, and your plans for Tucker’s future. And not to mention, it made me both laugh and tear up. The folding up the map detail was a perfect addition!
      Elizabeth @ Rocks, No Salt Mommy recently posted…The Yak, The Ribbon, & The TV You Control With Your HandsMy ProfileAugust 2, 2013 – 9:15 pmReplyCancel

    • Dana - Perfect. I don’t really think about a bucket list, but now I want exactly what you drew and said as the only thing on it. Except I’ll be wearing a Wicked t-shirt instead, and my grandchildren will most likely be brunettes. Did I mention this was perfect?
      Dana recently posted…This is why I love you – a birthday message to my sonMy ProfileAugust 2, 2013 – 9:39 pmReplyCancel

    • Rachel - You must write that book. If this post is even a glimpse of what will be in that book, you must write that book!August 2, 2013 – 11:33 pmReplyCancel

    • Stephanie @ Mommy, for Real. - OK, how is is possible that you can bring tears to my eyes and then make me laugh at the same time with your Metallica T-shirt? It’s a gift, friend. Thanks for that- an absolutely beautiful post.
      Stephanie @ Mommy, for Real. recently posted…Why I Can’t Wait for the Next Blogging ConferenceMy ProfileAugust 2, 2013 – 11:43 pmReplyCancel

    • K - I say this every time, Kristi, but this is so beautiful. PLEASE write a book…I would read it in a heartbeat! And Tucker has already changed the world for me.

      I love your bucket list. (and you’ve managed to move me to tears again)

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts, as always.
      K recently posted…To My ReadersMy ProfileAugust 3, 2013 – 12:17 amReplyCancel

    • karen - *sobbing and wiping my tears* I can’t stop crying woman…that is such an amazing and sweet post. I want that too…wow…I can’t even focus through the tears. Sometimes I feel selfish for wanting grandchildren…I know my parents waited and waited for me to have Dino…I hope I get to see him as a dad… *sniffles*
      karen recently posted…DINOSAUR’S CONFESSIONSMy ProfileAugust 3, 2013 – 6:44 amReplyCancel

    • Shay - Kristi…this post simply took my breath away. I had tears in my eyes at the scene that you illustrated, and I also got a good little chuckle in there with your choice of shirt. Seriously, Kristi…this was just awesome.

      On my bucket list? I don’t want to sound like one of THOSE annoying people, but I really make sure to live life to the fullest and cross off bucket list things as much as I can daily. What I would love to do is focus not so much on myself, but on others. I don’t think I help people enough, and there is so much helping that can be done!

      Thanks again for a great post.
      Shay recently posted…Kate’s Pregnant?My ProfileAugust 3, 2013 – 10:09 amReplyCancel

    • clark - Saturday Morning…. (visual from the cult movie ‘The Warriors’)

      “…hey Kristi…come out and playyy”

      lol
      clark recently posted…TT0fT #9 the Wakefield Doctrine …it’s a weekend virtual hangout and the first Rule is….My ProfileAugust 3, 2013 – 10:35 amReplyCancel

    • Jen - You made me cry! QUIT IT! You are so awesome, and I know you WILL WRITE THAT BOOK! I know you will, and you will help so many people! I think of how far you have come since I met you, you are a force to be reckoned with lady! And you will rock that Metallica shirt in grannydom!
      Jen recently posted…A Word I Can’t Say Because I’m A Prude and I Love Steely DanMy ProfileAugust 3, 2013 – 12:25 pmReplyCancel

    • Susan Zutautas - Great bucket list. I hope one of my 3 sons has children to make me a grandmother. I’m sure in time one of them will. I only wish they’d hurry up :) Loved your list. A book used to be on my bucket list….. I published my first one last week.August 3, 2013 – 12:28 pmReplyCancel

    • Kerry Isaac-Rossow - This is beautiful. I can’t wait to read your grandma post when this comes to fruition.August 3, 2013 – 12:49 pmReplyCancel

    • Julie Chenell DeNeen - Wow. That was incredible. Very moving- and I hope you’ll still be blogging on this thing when you are that grandma!August 3, 2013 – 2:05 pmReplyCancel

    • Tamara - Alaska is pretty much my biggest, but I never considered winter before. I’ve been more interested in the height of summer and the eternal sunshine, and the moose and whales. Northern lights is also high up on my list. And I’d like to write a book, and see the kids grow and..so many things.
      Tamara recently posted…Ladies Only Blog Share Link Party: How Does Your Garden Grow?My ProfileAugust 3, 2013 – 8:34 pmReplyCancel

    • Maggie Amada - Oh, Kristi, this was simply beautiful and filled with the hopes and dreams for a mother and her child. With a mom like you to guide him, I am pretty sure he will make the world a better place.
      Maggie Amada recently posted…What Should Be In A Bucket ListMy ProfileAugust 3, 2013 – 10:22 pmReplyCancel

    • Pam Moore - Awesome post! I l forgot, I want to go to Alaska someday too.. I love the picture, and most of all I love that your goals are about relationships and advocacy. At the end of the day, what is really more important than nurturing your family and community?August 4, 2013 – 3:10 amReplyCancel

    • Kate Evans Hall - Absolutely beautiful! You have a way with words, lady. You move me. Love the Metallica shirt. Ha!August 4, 2013 – 3:12 pmReplyCancel

    • The Pink Roller Coaster - So I purposely waited to read your post this week because I knew I was going to link-up with Janine (first-timer…hey!), and I was afraid that if I read your post first, I’d become discouraged and would convince myself that I have no writing ability, no talent whatsoever, and I’d refuse to write a post altogether. Ummm, yeah, I have issues…obviously. LOL.

      And, of course, your post is freakin’ brilliant! And I have to say I bust out laughing when I saw that Metallica shirt. I so appreciate how you manage to mix in humor with the really sappy love stuff. ;) -Brigid.August 4, 2013 – 8:00 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Sylvia,
      The two houses with the covered deck connecting them sounds amazing! Build it! They will come!

      Lori,
      Paper maps. Right? They’ll likely be worth a fortune on eBay someday…

      CLARK.
      Dude. So much better. And yes. I enjoyed reading yours as well, my friend.

      Deb,
      I took the nap out of it on purpose because that’s what I’d do the whole time. :)

      Lisa,
      Thank you.

      Kristi Campbell recently posted…crapping up your lovely custom-built bookcases?My ProfileAugust 4, 2013 – 9:42 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Sarah,
      Your comment might just be my favorite one ever, in the history of time. Thank you, friend. And (sidenote) the whole internet breaking was bloody well weird, right?????? UGH.
      Also, I did a much-needed back-up so maybe that was a good thing?

      Elizabeth,
      I had an amnio because I did not want a “different” baby. I totally get what you’re saying…I should IM you separately about it. I did not realize that every child is perfect until I had my own imperfect perfect one. I think it’s the way I always knew it would be…which is likely why I was so afraid of it (and you may have just given me a post about it).

      Dana,
      Awesome to the t-shirt though, right?
      Kristi Campbell recently posted…crapping up your lovely custom-built bookcases?My ProfileAugust 4, 2013 – 9:47 pmReplyCancel

    • Kate - I would totally buy your book. And you can use book money to go scuba… it all will impact the other :)
      Kate recently posted…64,800 road trip seconds to showersMy ProfileAugust 4, 2013 – 10:21 pmReplyCancel

    • Kerri - Seriously, you had to go serious with this one! Oh my friend, I think you have the best, ultimate best list. How could you not live to be 91 years young and embarrass Tucker :)

      I am totally with you on the advocacy. When people who work at Walmart make more than the people who work with our children, well there is just something wrong with that (no offense to Walmart employees).

      I say we plan that trip to Alaska in the winter with our kiddos and explore the wonder of the Lights.
      Kerri recently posted…Best mom?My ProfileAugust 5, 2013 – 7:53 amReplyCancel

    • Linda Roy - That was amazingly beautiful Kristi. And you are an amazing mom. I wish all of those things for you and Tucker. xxx
      Linda Roy recently posted…The I Don’t Like Mondays Blog Hop: Everything AND the Kitchen SinkMy ProfileAugust 5, 2013 – 11:48 amReplyCancel

    • Chronically sick and Sometimes Manic Mother - I love the picture…Found you through I don’t like Mondays blog hop. Following! Love the Metallica shirt! Great stuffAugust 5, 2013 – 2:14 pmReplyCancel

    • Lance - I can’t wait for my grandkids to say “there goes Paw Paw talking about seeing pearl Jam at the Fox in Atlanta for the 200th time”.

      I really like the tone of your post and how you look at life. Thanks, I needed this one.
      Lance recently posted…There Is A Light That Never Goes OutMy ProfileAugust 5, 2013 – 3:01 pmReplyCancel

    • Out One Ear - Your list is awesome, Kristi (as usual). My bucket list (sorry to say) is all about travel. After reading your moving piece, I need to add something unselfish to my list. I’ll work on it. :-)August 5, 2013 – 9:55 pmReplyCancel

    • Joy - This is great! I wish to be old and telling stories to anyone who will listen, whether my children chose to have grandkids or raise lamas or whatever! I would love to write a book, it’s hard to picture in my crazy, busy, can’t-finish-a-thought life right now, but that WOULD be awesome. Great post!August 6, 2013 – 1:20 pmReplyCancel

    • Kimberly Choquette Pugliano - All with “Enter Sandman” playing in the background. I want that all too. I want it for my sister, with her genetically compromised son. I want it for me, with my confused child. I want it for everyone who has a child who struggles for reasons out of anyone’s control.August 7, 2013 – 2:49 pmReplyCancel

    • A Morning Grouch - This made me teary! I don’t have a bucket list of sorts. I should make one though – or at least think about what the hell i want to do with my life before i’m gone. I hope to feel like I made a difference, I guess. Maybe I’m too afraid to say them out loud at this point. Fear of failure and all that. I also hope to be a grandma and enjoy some little grandbabies though – heehe – so far off it’s hard to even imagine now though.October 2, 2013 – 8:56 pmReplyCancel

    • Sandra Sallin - I sincerely hope your dreams and wishes come true. Beautiful reading this. So heartfelt.December 29, 2013 – 2:14 pmReplyCancel

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