Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

Why f*cktard ain’t cool anymore…(not that “ain’t” has been cool, like ever)

I had a very different post planned for tonight.  So different, in fact, that I’m not even sure I’ll finish the crappy drawings by tomorrow.  Here’s the thing.

The word “retard” is bad.  For a lot of reasons.  I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve used its funnier brothers “fucktard” and “fuckwit.”  Because, well, they seemed funny.  But not anymore.  Any word that has any “retard” connotations just isn’t funny anymore.

You guys have heard me spew the amazingness of two of my special needs mommy blogger friends a lot, here, because they are two that I found early on.  Ones that made me feel less alone.  They have amazing voices.

They both posted about the r-word yesterday.  Jillsmo at Yeah. Good Times. said “I am not asking anybody to change; I am asking you to think. If, after reading this, you will still go about your life calling your friends retards, well, that’s your choice, of course. But you’re an asshole for it.”  She’s right.  Read her post.

And Ellen, at Love that Max, posted a test about its usage yesterday and wrote an amazing article on Babble today.  She wrote “…in hopes of helping lots of people get it, I asked parents of kids with special needs to speak their minds—and their hearts—about why the word “retard” is so, so offensive.  These are the reasons they can’t stand the word. Read. Absorb. Understand.  Thank you.”

I know.  Goosebumps, right?  She was kind enough to include a brief quote from me and a photo of Tucker and me.

Thank both of them for being smarter and wiser than the rest of us.  And THINK about the next time you use the r-word.  Kids like mine might someday be gutted by it.

Please.  Think about it.

And tomorrow, I promise crappy drawings.  Maybe even later tonight.


  • Jen - First of all you used that word in a reply to my blog and got permanently censored. Now I have to check my spam constantly to see if it’s you. AND there was an awesome post about that in yeahwrite this week. It made me cry, fer real. http://purplepatch.org/retardation-loneliness-isolation/ Dude. We’re bad. Can’t wait for the crappy drawings though!March 7, 2013 – 11:59 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - OUCH. I suck. I so suck.March 8, 2013 – 12:22 amReplyCancel

  • Stephanie @ Mommy, for real. - So, my mom was a special ed teacher and was rabid about my brother and I not using the R word. With my work as a music therapist, I obviously have more sensitivity and awareness of people with special needs than the average person. And yet, I am still sometimes guilty of blurting it out. Thanks for the reminder that it is NOT cool.March 8, 2013 – 9:53 amReplyCancel

    • admin - Aw, thanks, Stephanie. I need reminders, too…March 8, 2013 – 6:24 pmReplyCancel

  • Joy - This is a really good campaign. It is shocking how loosely this term is thrown around on the media in the US, even by politicians. I am glad this is not the case here with our respective word for it, although it is annoying that a lot of teens or young adults use it, too.March 8, 2013 – 12:42 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Joy, so true. It is thrown around much too often. I’m glad that it’s not the same there!March 8, 2013 – 6:25 pmReplyCancel

  • Ellen S. - Thanks for the props, flattered to be included in the company of kick-ass moms like you and Jill! And glad to have your voice in that roundup. OK, off to kick more ass. This time, my own.March 8, 2013 – 5:40 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Ellen! I’m so psyched you commented here! You ROCK!March 8, 2013 – 6:25 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - Well, as you already know, I couldn’t agree more. Loved your quote (and photo!). Also, I think my neighbor (also a blogger at The Culture Mom) is a friend of Ellen’s. She told me to follow her blog a while back….It’s a small, bloggy world.March 8, 2013 – 8:45 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Wow, really? Ellen’s awesome. She’s like sort of famous and stuff. That is a really small world! Wow…March 8, 2013 – 8:54 pmReplyCancel

  • Mama Meerkat - I never really liked when people used that word but did use it occasionally as a teenager, but now it makes me really uncomfortable. The post you linked are excellent.March 9, 2013 – 8:10 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Thanks, Mama! They are excellent.March 9, 2013 – 8:14 pmReplyCancel

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