Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

Sometimes, I wonder how I got to this place. This job, this city, this moment. This family. This house. These clothes, these friends, these neighbors and these beliefs. When did I start becoming offended by certain words? Was I not always offended by them? When did I grow up? Am I grown up now? It’s […]

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  • JT Walters - How did any of us end up here? Brilliant metaphysical topic to talk about. My answer is we are the survivors and chosen ones who lead and follow your lead.

    I believe you quit your job 4 seconds after having Tucker. Your nose is growing you lasted four minutes.

    Is it the most amazing thing in the world how our children bring out the very best in us? We want to be better people, pro society and so selfless because that is the world we want our children to live in. Our hearts dance in our child’s laughter and our hearts die in their pain. We see the umbilical cord cut when they are born but it never really is. Once a Mom always a Mom.

    I have become a stranger to myself in Motherhood. Having a child with two rare disorders will do that to you. I know biochemistry like the back of my hand. To have become so specialized in rare diseases that I am correcting biochemical analysis for doctors so they help my son is totally not what I expected in life.

    To love someone so much, I only buy for him or, if it comes to it, I will skip meals so he eats healthy is also to be a Mom. I did this as a child when we were short on groceries so my younger siblings could eat. Joke in our house was you never had a sandwich without a bite out of it. By the time the little ones got the the sandwich it was gone so I’d skip a bite so they could eat.

    We are here as parents/caregivers of children with special needs. Thirty doesn’t matter nor does any other age but what we contribute to society. This website is a tremendous contribution to our community of really awesome special folks of every kind. Our stories are unique but we find solace and solidarity in the sharing of our experiences…sometimes through tears of grief and sadness and other times through joy and happiness.

    In a hundred years when they find the great internet dig (it will be archeological by then), they will come across as his website and read about how all these brave courageous champions of children who were not cookie cutter children ( a little different) and how their care provider/parent struggled for the playing field to be leveled and these children, arguably they last minority to be accepted, families came together to help every child around the world in need of it.

    We are here and we will never surrender!!!May 26, 2016 – 10:40 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerry - This is amazing stuff Kristi. I like your dream catcher substitute.
    This particular prompt is going to take a lot of consideration, as I don’t want to repeat things I’ve written for FTSF in the past. Hmm.
    Life never turns out how we imagine. Isn’t that great?
    😉May 26, 2016 – 11:46 pmReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - Aw, what a perfect note to end your night on with Tucker and btw I constantly wonder how I got here and the years just keep flying by, as well. But I am thankful for all I do have and guess that is all that does indeed matter. Hugs <3May 27, 2016 – 1:58 amReplyCancel

  • Deborah Lovel Bryner - I love the idea that the bottle of gold flecks contained both of your six year old selves…<3! Makes me think of Jim Croce's "Time in a Bottle"...<3May 27, 2016 – 2:37 amReplyCancel

  • Deirdre Conran - Wonderful posr! So a lawyer! My mom wanted me to be a lawyer but I can honestly say I could never see myself in that role! Love the ending by the way!May 27, 2016 – 4:40 amReplyCancel

I wish I could remember the sentence I heard that night. I woke smiling even before the alarm went off. “He spoke! Oh, he spoke.” My baby was three years and three months old and I’d known the incessant chatter of other kids his age for years. I was one of the last in my […]

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  • Deborah Lovel Bryner - <3 <3 <3 ... all the things you said and THEN SOME...I can remember the dreams in which my daughter was just like other silly little girls, wanting to play dollies and one day dreaming of love and marriage and babies and carriages...and then I woke up and someone told me she would probably never do any of those things...Often I stay home from weddings because they serve as stabbing reminders of how my daughter has been robbed of all the fun and silly and emotional and wonderful things other girls take for granted....May 20, 2016 – 3:58 amReplyCancel

  • JT Walters - I too dream of hearing Alex talk but that will never be a reality for us. He may learn to communicate through augmentative communication and I pretty much know what he wants but I want to hear about his dreams. He has managed to work his way back into my bed over a mattress cooling topper.

    There is something so magical about those moments before all children drift off to sleep. It is when they are most receptive whether we are reading to them or listening to them

    It is amazing Mom’s have super immunity (not really) to their kids everything. When my son gets a sinus infection or sick he is clingy. He will sneeze and so much snot will fly out, I will look like I am a slimed ghost buster. It is no wonder why we get sick together.

    The magic is in the bond and unconditional love a parent has for a child and a child has for their parent. You are the cool Mom I know but Tucker would love you the same either way.

    Psycholinguistics is everyone’s first language or the human race would have ended a long time ago.

    I am so glad your prayers have been answered. You’ll have new ones for your son but I am glad that one was answered.May 20, 2016 – 4:04 amReplyCancel

  • Allie - You have dreams like Rich – he usually dies in a plane crash. Y’all are crazy. I usually have happy dreams, about rock starts:)> And sweet little Tucker can’t wait to see you both.May 20, 2016 – 11:48 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - LOL to the whole “Yall are crazy.” I guess we are. I think I didn’t know you yet when I wrote this, but Rich may relate (and omg am I really posting a link to an old post in a comment – for nobody but you sweets).
      Boom. the catastrophes.

      I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOUMay 20, 2016 – 10:45 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - I might be enamored with a minor part of this post, but I do love the floppy arm test…the best. 🙂 And, I too had dreams of my son talking before he actually did…May 20, 2016 – 11:55 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw, yeah, that floppy arm test gutted me too. I mean, I didn’t even know he was processing as awake, and even awake that he was processing. These boys of ours OMG.May 20, 2016 – 10:46 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @TheGoldenSpoons - Aw! Sweet, sweet boy! He’s mad such amazing progress just since I’ve known you and read this blog. I think we all dream of our kids being happy & successful – whatever that means for each one of them.May 20, 2016 – 12:13 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - He really has made such an amazing amount of progress, Lisa! Thank you!!! And yes, here’s to our kids being happy and successful – whatever that means for them. I love that because it’s so easy to feel like things are about ourselves, you know?May 21, 2016 – 8:23 pmReplyCancel

  • Josh - Any time you can wear a birthday hat while writing about dreams is a good time and a good day.May 20, 2016 – 12:24 pmReplyCancel

  • Kelly McKenzie - This sentence prompt was perfect for you and I was excited to read your post. You didn’t let me down. The bit about T picking up your arm to see if it would flop? Tissue worthy.
    We never now how much they’re taking in, do we? I’d say it’s fairly safe to assume that it’s pretty much all.
    Sorry your lad is suffering so much this allergy season. Hope he’s better very soon.May 20, 2016 – 1:54 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - Ohh! That story about the bear hit me so hard in the heart. “I’m here.” “Better than.”
    I used to dream about things before they happened, but oddly. Like months before my wedding? Weddings in Iceland. Weddings where I was wearing no makeup. Weddings I missed. Weddings, weddings, weddings.
    Before the babies, I had dreams they were born with teeth. Guess what, though?? In real life, my friend’s son was born with two teeth.
    That’s weird.
    And not even a dream.May 20, 2016 – 8:55 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Tamara, yeah, the bear… and I remember dreaming about things before they happened too… wow to weddings weddings. That is weird that your friend’s son was born with teeth after your dreams. lol.May 21, 2016 – 8:26 pmReplyCancel

  • Echo - I can only imagine how having a non-verbal child would feel. My son has always been extremely verbal and maybe, without trying to sound like an asshole, over verbal!

    When I was younger, my dreams never included children and now, my children run rampant in my dreams!May 21, 2016 – 12:13 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - LOL to overly verbal. And to be clear, I’m not sure Tucker would be considered non-verbal because he babbled but again, water was “ah” and helicopter was “hah” while tapping on his chest so… but he talks now!!!
      Aw to your kids running rampant in your dreams today!!May 21, 2016 – 8:43 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Tucker picking up your arm to see if it would flop was so sweet. Sometimes on the weekends I go to bed before Christopher and he comes in to kiss me goodnight the same way I do him.

    Ewww to collecting boogers but been there, done that! I probably won’t be okay with it again until grandchildren.May 21, 2016 – 7:05 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw!! I love that Christopher comes to kiss you goodnight if you go to bed before him!!! EEEP!! LOL to the boogers and your grandchildren. May the grandkids be plentiful and the boogers less than.May 21, 2016 – 9:20 pmReplyCancel

  • Corinne Rodrigues - What a lovely bond you both share! Giving you the hat to wear while you work – that clutched at my heart and made me smile simultaneously.May 22, 2016 – 9:40 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Me too Corinne! I couldn’t not include it even though when I did not initially practice self compassion when I saw the photo. Sigh. xoMay 22, 2016 – 7:09 pmReplyCancel

  • yvonne Spence - This is so sweet. (Well apart from the booger part.) I’m so glad Tucker to see how well Tucker is doing.May 22, 2016 – 10:18 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw thanks, Yvonne. He’s doing pretty well. Some challenges of course… sigh.. but yeah. And lol to the boogers.May 22, 2016 – 10:44 pmReplyCancel

  • My Inner Chick - *****“I feel something,” he says.

    “That’s the magic,” I said.*****

    I just love you. Whooooooo are you?! xxxMay 23, 2016 – 10:05 pmReplyCancel

  • Josie Two Shoes - Time and again your posts take my breath away. Your stories of life – a mother’s life and her heart within, are the stories of so many mothers. The dream, to hear your child’s voice, and to now realize that dream, verifies that our dreams can become real and the things that we hold close can also become real. What touched me most? Your friend telling you that he was now better than ok. I don’t think you dreamed that, I think he wanted you to know. xoxoMay 24, 2016 – 9:45 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Oh Josie, thank you! What a wonderfully kind and sweet comment. I appreciate it more than I know how to say. And you know what? I think he wanted me to know he’s okay too… xoxoMay 25, 2016 – 9:40 pmReplyCancel

When I think about the day I was born, I feel sad for then-me and for the woman who gave birth to me. She must have been afraid and worried about who would raise me. She’d agreed, after all, to the loving of me, the carrying of me, and to the giving away of me. […]

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  • Dana - I like the way you look at being reborn – just something that happens as we wake up each day and do new things. Take risks. Look at things differently. It’s such a hopeful approach to life, I think.May 12, 2016 – 10:19 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I don’t always remember to have a hopeful approach but thanks, Dana! Here’s to taking risks and looking at everything differently.May 13, 2016 – 8:47 pmReplyCancel

  • Marcia @Menopausalmom - I love the idea of being reborn through the big things AND the little moments in life. Beautiful post as always, Kristi!May 12, 2016 – 11:20 pmReplyCancel

  • deirdre - I was adopted too. I’ve tossed around the idea of finding my birth mother so many times the last few years. I have so many questions and I want to thank her. I love the idea of being reborn throughout our lives. I’m reborn daily I think. I love this post so much. I think being adopted makes us even more similar than ever. We seem to have such similar views on things! It always cracks me up!May 13, 2016 – 12:43 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Deirdre, I commented on your post too but I did actually find my birth mom and am so glad that I did. Please feel free to IM me if you’d like to talk about it (I should so write a post about it!!!). We do have way similar views on things and I love it!May 13, 2016 – 9:20 pmReplyCancel

  • Corinne Rodrigues - Hugs, Kristi. Life is full of ‘what-if’ moments, but there’s so many things about childhood over which we have no control. What we do have control over is how we transform that pain – and allow ourselves to be reborn over and again.
    I so enjoyed hosting this week’s #FTSF with you. Thanks for the opportunity.May 13, 2016 – 1:35 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I’m so glad that you co-hosted with me this week, Corinne, and thank you for your insightful and amazing sentence. I didn’t know where I was going with this and wrote it at the last minute, but I’m glad it made me think about the fact that we’re reborn so so often. Hourly, at times.May 13, 2016 – 9:23 pmReplyCancel

  • Joshua - Life is a series of moments punctuated by those where we realize we have just been reborn or so it seems to me.May 13, 2016 – 1:36 amReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - Aw, all sorts of feels here and am now remembering both my girls and the early baby years. I was most definitely reborn after both of them, but can’t believe how long ago that truly was. Still each day with my girls brings new adventures and ways to feel reborn I suppose.May 13, 2016 – 2:08 amReplyCancel

  • Dana Dominey Campbell - Oh, I love this SO much! Especially about the part where your son is playing with friends in your home. When THAT happens, isn’t it just the best?!? For me, when Christian didn’t talk until nearly 4, I thought he would never have true friends, go to prom, have a roommate, get married… Now he has three girls texting him – that he didn’t initiate. It’s all totally tame… they text about Minecraft, Rick Rordan books (“Lightning Thief,” author), super hero movies and the like. I told him he can’t date until he is 21 and I get to choose his wife and he is getting sarcastic and saying…”yeah, right.” No worries about where his interests will lay later on. I do miss the days of having him on my hip holding on. But, today the days are so much sweeter knowing that I can totally breathe and now that he’s not only going to be ok, but is thriving… staring in community theater and doing Improv of all things… (Remember he didn’t speak until nearly 4yrs old!) So, who knew! I love your writing SO, so much. It was great to write back and forth with you about two months ago about your son’s progress. You are the best Mom to him. Never forget that! Love, Dana in Oregon.May 13, 2016 – 2:20 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You are the best comment leaver EVER DANA!! Thank you. I replied on FB but I so very hope that you know how much your stories and memories have inspired me to know that what Tucker achieves is so unknown still. I love love love that he plays with friends now. It wasn’t always the case, for sure. I so appreciate you sharing your son’s progress and WOW that he’s in theater and improv (improv takes some quick talking!!!!!). YOU are amazing and I have no doubt that so much of your sons progress is because he has the best Mom to HIM!! And thank you. Truly. <3May 13, 2016 – 9:29 pmReplyCancel

      • Dana Dominey Campbell - Thank you… I love to write, so really need to jump on into this, “Finish the sentence Friday,” thang… I finally have some free time (imagine that!) Hope to meet you somewhere day if you come to the west coast! – DanaMay 15, 2016 – 3:16 amReplyCancel

        • Kristi Campbell - Oh please do jump on this!!! Do you blog now because I think you don’t based on what we said before BUT I’d love to read what you write (and if you do and I already know this, please know my brain is cheese and I never remember in real life names with blog names!!!). So hope to meet you too!May 16, 2016 – 12:02 amReplyCancel

          • Dana Dominey Campbell - I have contemplated writing an autobiography… narcissist, self-involved parents, alcoholic dad, country-Club, loving, rated tennis playing, social climber mom. I survived being un-diagnosed bi-polar until my 30s, three fiances, got married… worked at Enron prior to getting pregnant, horrendous go-round being a Mary Kay Cosmetics team leader, bankruptcy, relocation, autism… son who did not speak until nearly 4, created an official Autism non-profit, ran it single-handedly for 4yrs… it musjhroomed, and I had to shut it down or probably lose my marriage…death of my mom at 42 (thank gawd), step Dad turned a-hole… son finding success, me becoming stable and breathing, hmm what else…. 😉May 16, 2016 – 2:37 am

        • Kristi Campbell - Dana, WOW, woman. You have great material. I really hope you will write an autobiography – I promise that I’ll read it (and share it here as well). Wow. xoxoMay 16, 2016 – 5:19 pmReplyCancel

          • Dana Dominey Campbell - Ready to get started in the next couple off months.May 16, 2016 – 5:52 pm

  • JT Walters - Kristi, all straight males are trying to find their way back into the womb. It is their mission in life.

    Rebirths…parents divorce, first job, graduations, pregnancy, several hurricanes, birth, NICU, first rare disease diagnosis, Mother’s end stage cancer care and then dropping dead in front of the Christmas tree I front of Alex and the hen my family refusing to allow us to attend the funeral b caus it was embarrassing to have an autistic family member, helping Alex through his grief of losing his Nana and entire family, every fight over school work, the first time I took Alex flying, the day we (you and I) met, and through every trial…I am reborn. In all the darkness and adversity Alex faces, every time I find the light and negotiate the adversity, I am born again because I am assured there always is light.

    Your blog is a beacon in those dark times.

    You my friend are the light we all seek..a catalyst for rebirth. Thank you for writing.May 13, 2016 – 2:44 amReplyCancel

  • Frances Best Stanfield - As usual, another heartfelt, beautiful post. I never thought about it but you are exactly right. We are reborn at every step of our children’s life from birth to, for me, age 29 and counting. Thanks yet again for the pouring out of love and truth!!!

    FrancesMay 13, 2016 – 4:19 amReplyCancel

  • Clare Hylin - I love the thought of being reborn over and over. That’s so true. I’m being reborn everyday. It’s what keeps me young-ish! I was adopted too. I think of those days in between and how she must have felt. I think about whether she was able to hold me or not. I think she was about 18 too. I have wanted to find her but then I don’t. It’s strange. Lately, I think I do again.May 13, 2016 – 4:36 amReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - I love this story. Your writing always takes me so many places. He was such a cute baldy too! I love the examples. We are indeed reborn for each mommy milestone and the times we have to roar at school when we didn’t know we had it in us.May 13, 2016 – 6:38 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - That I can roar at school is something I’d never have known I could do. I was so so shy (and still am when it comes to meeting moms and stuff) but man, at school? I’m like “ok let’s talk about this” all tough and stuff. That I cry thinking about other stuff doesn’t count 😉May 13, 2016 – 9:31 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @TheGoldenSpoons - Love this idea of us being reborn – so true, so hopeful. I get the wondering about the space between your adoption and your birth. My husband was adopted at 6 weeks old – I have wondered about those 6 weeks & I know he has, too.May 13, 2016 – 9:12 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Oh wow, Lisa. I didn’t realize your husband was adopted too, or, if I did, I’d forgotten. You know what’s funny? I never really thought much about those 8 days until once my dad was dating this lady who did this weird age regression thing with like muscle weakness??? It was a long time ago. Anyway, she said something bad happened to me during those 8 days (as if a baby alone with no boobies isn’t bad enough) and while it’s probably mumbo jumbo, I still wonder.May 13, 2016 – 9:33 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - I think it’s true – we’re reborn every day. Maybe every minute, really.
    Des was watching a baby video of himself yesterday. Usually he knows himself in photos but seemed confused by this. I wonder how many times he’s been reborn since that video!May 13, 2016 – 10:28 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw! Aw to Des watching a baby video of himself. Tucker loves watching those and has been reborn over and over.May 13, 2016 – 9:34 pmReplyCancel

  • Deb - Oh you with the making me cry every time!! XoxoMay 13, 2016 – 10:35 amReplyCancel

  • Kerry - Wow Kristi. You reveal so much about yourself in these posts. That is most of what keeps me coming back since I first discovered them. I had no idea you were adopted. Well, of course, why would I have?
    We are reborn in so many ways. I have my ability to write again and I can’t wait to get to writing my own rebirth story for this week’s link up. Beautiful words you’ve written here.May 13, 2016 – 12:29 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Hey Kerry, thank you. I feel doubly honored that you said that in this one because I had to write it so quickly and felt like I left it unfinished… and yeah, I was adopted. I should write a post about it. And please do write about your own rebirth and link it up. I’d love to read it.May 13, 2016 – 10:03 pmReplyCancel

  • Christine Carter - Ah… you pulled me in, like you always do- with you beautiful reflections, my friend. I never looked at it this way, this rebirth over and over again. You’re right. Each moment we are given in this life, is much like rebirth in awareness and miracles before us. SO many moments designed and delivered into our world as moms, as women, and human beings- all the complexities that create the masterpiece we call life.

    Thank you for this. It was truly beautiful and inspiring and thought provoking as always. <3May 13, 2016 – 1:43 pmReplyCancel

  • Allie - This broke my heart Kristi. What did happen in those eight days? Where were you, and why did it take so long? You don’t have to answer now…well chat in two weeks!!!!May 13, 2016 – 6:47 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Hey Sweets. I have no idea what happened in those 8 days, and I guess it didn’t really take that long considering the times. The only reason I think about it is because my dad dated a woman once who did age regression and said that something bad happened during that time which may be true or maybe not??? But still, I wonder!!! Can’t wait to see you!May 15, 2016 – 11:09 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - It’s so true that we can be reborn for so many different things. Turning points I suppose. I think the depth in how you think about yourself during the time before you were physically in the arms of your parents eight days after you were born is so powerful. I think that takes courage to even go there. Thank you once again for sharing such brave thoughts. xoMay 14, 2016 – 6:04 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - They are turning points, I think. In fact, I looked back at a post I did called just that for ideas!!! Thank you so so much for your support and sweet wonderful comments. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate them and you.May 15, 2016 – 11:10 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - How did I not know this about you and your birth/forever family??? Wow.
    Beautiful post – especially that last line. My favorite.May 15, 2016 – 2:21 amReplyCancel

  • Louise - This is so beautiful. We ARE reborn so many times in our lives – thank you for putting your story and words behind that sentiment to really explain it.

    I agree we’re reborn in our children – and, like you say, in a million other ways as we grow and change and experience life.May 15, 2016 – 10:19 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Louise, thank YOU. We are so reborn over and over… here’s to knowing when it matters and thank you again.May 15, 2016 – 11:12 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana Dominey Campbell - Blogdom… here I come! I’ll keep you posted. 😉May 16, 2016 – 2:40 amReplyCancel

  • linda Atwell - Out One Ear - Yep. I think we have many, many rebirths over our years. Every time we have a new interest. Sometimes I think of them as the different seasons of our life, how in one season something is super important and then the next season arrives and what was important in the last season doesn’t seem quite so important now. Sometimes I wonder, how can that be? How can I be so entranced with something and think it is the one and only or all. Then time passes and another passion takes its place. So I know this is related to kids, our kids, but I think rebirths happen with them and with us in so many ways. I love rebirths. They are exciting and keep us feeling alive. I think. Anyway.May 18, 2016 – 7:19 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I think you’re right about having many rebirths, and also yes, to being completely entranced with something and then later bing like OMG really??? Here’s to alive. Feeling it over and over.May 19, 2016 – 10:45 pmReplyCancel

A long long time ago, back in the 80’s… (and 70’s), kids ran feral all day until their parents rang a cowbell at dusk from the front porch signaling supper-time. For pee-breaks and snacks, they popped in at whoever’s house was closest. The older kids looked out for the little ones between giving important life […]

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  • Lydia - Lookit me with a real name! I don’t even know how that happened. Oh well. I too grew up in the same era. Everyone in our neighborhood would come out to play kick ball or Kick the Can. it was maybe a crew of about 18 or 20 kids all at once because we lived in the projects and everything was situated around a circular sort of driveway parking area. But the rule was you had to be home when the street lights came on.May 5, 2016 – 10:06 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Well look at you fancy weeniebutt with a real name that links to nothing so kinda fake for all that aren’t in Your Inner Circle Of Trust and Love but YAY to real names and lol to not even knowing how it happened. I miss those days and sometimes think our kids are missing out. When Tucker says “I want to go scootering” my first reaction is like groan but then, I’m like OUTSIDE YES, and of course have to look for cars coming in a way that didn’t seem to happen back then. Less people, maybe.May 5, 2016 – 10:16 pmReplyCancel

  • JT Walters - There once was a time when at midnight the television showed the flag, played the anthem and was off for the evening.

    There was always to top 40 music hits on Sunday that I would listen too.

    If kids beat the crap out of each other parents were okay with it. It was considered training for adulthood. So was eating dirt.

    I did know disabled people as a child. They were segregated and I wished that they had been in my class.

    When I was sent to New York for a month I missed my Mom and Dad and was told to grow up. After all I was in the big Apple living in an apartment off central park.

    Once upon a time children could live their dreams and be shown the path to achieving them and not all the barriers that stood in their way.

    Also we always had games at night. Our parents would have dinner with us and if everyone behaved we played games after dinner. Everything from Scrabble to backgammon to Bridge.

    Once upon a time there was an emphasis on family and values and I miss that most of all because people think we are strange because of this emphasis.May 5, 2016 – 10:38 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - We used to play games after dinner too. That was such fun and LOL to eating dirt because so so true!!!May 6, 2016 – 5:31 pmReplyCancel

  • Echo - Sometimes, I long for the simpler times. The late 80’s and even the early 90’s seemed so much more carefree! I remember us riding our bikes EVERYWHERE and the streetlights were our curfew enforcers!May 5, 2016 – 10:55 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - They did seem more carefree Echo and I have to wonder why…. too much technology? I don’t know. When it’s not raining, I try to take my son out on his scooter every day so he knows what it’s like to play outside until dinnertime (he’s not so good on a bike yet). xoMay 6, 2016 – 5:40 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - Ahhh…I LOVE the nostalgia of this post! And of course your picture at the end made me laugh out loud!May 5, 2016 – 11:08 pmReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - Yup you just totally brought me back and still can’t believe how far we have come and yet it feels like yesterday still at times that I am back there though!May 6, 2016 – 2:03 amReplyCancel

  • Kelly McKenzie - Pssst. I remember when my family got … wait for it … a coloUr tv! Yes! Huge excitement in our house as the day approached. Then we had to simply talk our parents into getting cablevision … We managed it. Took a few years but we managed it.May 6, 2016 – 2:11 amReplyCancel

  • Ruchira Khanna - Gee…you brought back my childhood, Kristi 🙂

    I have a similar take on this!May 6, 2016 – 2:35 amReplyCancel

  • Tamara - We did, didn’t we?
    I wonder if our parents were worried or excited. I wonder if they thought about Donald Trump starting a world war, and Lyme Disease killing moose, and global warming get worse and worse.
    Or maybe one day we realize – to the kids – it’s playing and rainbow sprinkles and pancakes.
    Sorry, I’m cranky today – not sure where that went!May 6, 2016 – 11:17 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I think our parents were worried. About everything. Russia, Lyme Disease… but when you’re a kid, you’re right – it’s playing and rainbow sprinkles and pancakes.May 6, 2016 – 6:14 pmReplyCancel

  • Christine - I could NOT love this more… oh my GOSH THIS IS THE BEST POST EVER!!

    You brought me back, girl. Just such a brilliant piece with those vivid descriptions- written in your own unique way. Ah…

    You are SUCH a gift.May 6, 2016 – 12:03 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw thank you Chris! I love that it brought you back (me too!). And you. You are a gift. A huge amazing gorgeous one.May 6, 2016 – 6:14 pmReplyCancel

  • Julie Martinka Severson - Moonboots!!!! Ok, this post swirled up so many memories and IDEAS FOR BLOG POSTS! The waiting for days for snail mail replys, the riding our bike holding a big, flat, square cardboard package with a big round record in it that has 10 songs on it, of which we only like one as you said!! That image cracked me up! So true! I loved this blast to “the olden days.” I gotta start brainstorming things I remember from that era. These are priceless.May 6, 2016 – 12:37 pmReplyCancel

  • Jena - You had me at feral and cowbell, waaaaaaaaaaay back in the 80s. I loved this.May 6, 2016 – 1:18 pmReplyCancel

  • Lana Lindgren - Yeah, we did have everything, didn’t we? Honestly, I’ve wished so many of these things for my boys. Adults have made growing up so much more complicated now. Sigh. Although selfishly, I’m glad I’ll be able to text my son whenever I want when he goes off to college in the fall. I don’t know how my mom did it back in 1985 when she couldn’t check in on me!May 6, 2016 – 3:07 pmReplyCancel

  • Frances Best Stanfield - OMG…. *tear* at the nostaglia that this brings back for me. Great job on this. I played hide n seek; went to vacation bible school; loved my grandmother to the moon and back; walked to town cuz we didn’t have a car; smoked fake cigs; listened to Casey Cason; was a military brat in Germany; ate bad good and now or laters; wore black patant leather shoes and said my Easter speech. OMG..

    Thanks so much for taking me back there when life was simple.

    FrancesMay 6, 2016 – 3:38 pmReplyCancel

  • Susan Zutautas - I grew up in the 60’s and we thought we had everything too 🙂 Enjoyed reading about time in the 80’s!May 6, 2016 – 4:23 pmReplyCancel

  • Paul D. Brads - Spot on!! Great times, but I wouldn’t want to go back.May 6, 2016 – 11:54 pmReplyCancel

  • Micky Crawford - Once again – you nailed it! awesome you ARE. Love from Mombo!May 7, 2016 – 2:18 amReplyCancel

  • yvonne - You do have such a lovely way of writing Kristi – lyrical as well as fun.
    I grew up even earlier than you, and way in the back of beyond and we had only one television channel and only black and white! I smiled at: ” “Five channels and PBS,” we said? “But what more can there be to watch?”” We thought that when we had 4 channels, and I’m sure my mum even said it about one!

    One funny thing – you didn’t get phonecalls after 6, but that’s when we got most calls, because in the UK, it was much cheaper then than during the day.May 7, 2016 – 6:25 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thank you Yvonne! That means so much to me coming from you! 😀
      What a huge difference our few channels were compared to live streaming on Netflix today of just about anything in the world you want to watch. It makes me nostalgic for the old days to think about having to get up to change the channel and what a family activity that watching TV was.May 7, 2016 – 7:29 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - I just wrote a post last night about things my kids’ generation will never know, and it echoes many things you touch on. Our heads are in the same place! Some things they won’t know make me sad, but there are so many good things now that didn’t exist then. Medical advances. Human rights advances. We still have work to do, I hope we will get there.May 8, 2016 – 8:46 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Here’s to great minds (or like minds anyway). You’re right – the medical advances and human rights have come a long long way…May 8, 2016 – 7:56 pmReplyCancel

  • Cynthia - I was riveted as I read. I think about where we are now: kids don’t really play outside anymore; they hardly get recess at school.
    When I was a kid and fell off my bike, I had to figure out how to doctor myself. I didn’t even usually tell my parents for fear they’d scold me for not being careful. lol.
    What a wonderful nostalgic post. I hope you’re well!May 8, 2016 – 10:45 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - That’s funny that you didn’t tell your parents when you got hurt! Even scrapes back then were less of a big deal. Thanks so much for your kind words – I’m doing pretty well and love seeing you here. Hope everything’s going really great for you!May 8, 2016 – 8:18 pmReplyCancel

  • Scott Hansen - Those were the days, weren’t they?May 8, 2016 – 12:40 pmReplyCancel

  • April Grant - the world has changed os much in the last 20-30 years than any time on the planet it seems. We’ve gone from paid long-distance calls to people in the next town to people around the world for free. I have no idea what is coming next.May 9, 2016 – 12:08 amReplyCancel

  • Corinne Rodrigues - Oh yes! Life seemed so much simpler then, didn’t it? Since we were in India, we didn’t get movies or music as fast as you did – we listened to the radio, read about the movies and hoped that they’d come to a theatre near us soon.May 9, 2016 – 3:01 amReplyCancel

  • Allie - Oh Kristi! What a perfect post. Makes me long for the “good ole days.” Btw, I know have a phone, with a super long cord, tethered to my kitchen wall. It is way cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!May 9, 2016 – 9:32 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You for real have a phone on your wall with a long cord? ? Does it work? I long for them, too…May 9, 2016 – 10:51 pmReplyCancel

  • Monique Raymond - Love this!May 9, 2016 – 7:25 pmReplyCancel

  • Lizzi Lewis - Beautiful, memories. Thank you for sharing them.

    Selling 2c paper fans sounds awesome. You’re still rich though 🙂May 9, 2016 – 9:15 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Oh I loved going back in time with your for this post. I remember everything (except for the scrubbing and snow references). There are Land of the Lost videos on Youtube and they are hilarious!!! But yep I’d be up all by myself on Saturday morning. Mom had poured milk for me in a Tupperware cup that had a lid and left the cereal and a bowl out on the kitchen table. I know I had to be really little because my brother wasn’t born yet and we are seven years apart. I mostly bought 45’s and of course there was only the one song that was good. The B side never had a song that was played on the radio. I’m recalling a 45 by Lakeside that I think I liked both songs. My record player could stack several 45s to play back to back so that was pretty cool. There is no fun in going for music on iTunes like it was to go to the music store which was also a family affair. Those were truly the good ole days. It’s so crazy to think about leaving my phone at home to enjoy the freedom of being out without it. And then I thought, “But I’d have so much to catch up on when I got home.” Wow huh!?May 10, 2016 – 8:36 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - No scrubbing in NC? I think that’s a good thing and I sure hope it no longer exists today. It felt fun then but looking at it now, it also felt scary and weird and today would be probably bullying-ish???
      Aw to little you with your bowl and your mom pouring the milk for you before-hand (DING DING that could work here). OOOOH the 45’s. DId you have those little yellow things to hold them steady? I wish I’d have saved more of my old albums. I have some but… And yeah, wow, to the catching up and leaving phone at home… ditto. Also phone is how I survived baseball practice tonight. Or, not. Maybe I’d have liked it more???May 12, 2016 – 8:03 pmReplyCancel

      • Kenya G. Johnson - I do remember those yellow things but I don’t think I knew that is what they were for. LOL!

        I ended up staying at basketball camp for almost the whole time on Wednesday because I left my purse at home. Ugh – that goodness for my phone. THAT I would have gone back for.

        As for the sort of getting breakfast ready for the next day, I can’t tell you how many times I did that and Christopher wasn’t hungry until I got up. It did make him stay in his room though because there was nothing else to need from me but he didn’t want to “make” his own breakfast.May 13, 2016 – 1:34 pmReplyCancel

  • Sara - Great memories! Great post! ….Was reminded the other day of how we used to use jelly jars as glasses. Do you remember doing that? Hadn’t thought of that in years. Now it seems so quaint and faraway. …Last weekend I started the enormous task of going through Dad’s LPs b/c I want to sell them. Wow was THAT a stroll down Memory Lane…
    Huge hugs!May 13, 2016 – 2:18 amReplyCancel

  • Linda Atwell - Out One Ear - We did have everything. It was like living in Mayberry. And when the teenage boy told my teenage self that we were going to the lake to watch the submarine races, it took me a long time to figure that one out too. 🙂 You remember so much good stuff.May 18, 2016 – 7:25 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Living in Mayberry. THAT. I wish I could trust this town like that one and I still don’t know what the submarine race thing is… is it something else??May 19, 2016 – 10:47 pmReplyCancel

“Oh, so…you’re talking about one of your blog friends then?” Blog, drawn out to sound more like “blaaagh.” “Well, yeah, but I know her really well,” I said. “We’re for-real friends.” I refrain from saying that we’ve been through a lot together because we’ve never been through anything together in person, and I don’t want […]

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  • Nicki - Me too.
    <3April 28, 2016 – 10:20 pmReplyCancel

  • It Walters - I think it is an artist thing not limited to writers. I think artists are in so much pain and art is the way they let it out.

    All of us reveal more than we would like.April 28, 2016 – 10:30 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Maybe you’re right JT. Although I hate to think all artists are in pain…April 29, 2016 – 8:58 pmReplyCancel

      • JT Walters - I think there can not be growth without pain? I could be wrong but I think we learn more from failure than success. Pain teaches us but the artist understands this and channels it through their art making them better able to endure more pain hence growing even more?

        I could be totally wrong. Creating Art is comforting unless you are under a dead line or are forced to do it.

        I know painting changed the way I saw the world and helped me endure and cope through my Mother’s end stage cancer when I couldn’t speak. Art is how one heals from pain, IMO!April 29, 2016 – 10:56 pmReplyCancel

  • Josie Two Shoes - For me, the “me too” experience is what fueled my initial blogging efforts and brought me into a world-wide family of “my people” that I never new or dreamed existed when I once felt so very isolated and alone. I can be anywhere, sitting in a closet, on a lake shore, or in my pajamas in front of the TV, and still I can share my thoughts and feelings and a bit about life where I’m at inside and out, and inevitably someone will show up to say “me to”. Those who don’t blog will never truly understand how we could say bloggers are our “real” friends, but oh yes, my dear, they are far more real than those I encounter every day might ever be, because with them I can truly be all me.April 28, 2016 – 10:51 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Oh wow, I’m so glad that you found your “me too” people when you once felt isolated and alone… So much. And yes, we are so real, because it’s not like talking about the weather when we are wondering whether we’re going through menopause or something!! That stuff can only be shared in writing. Or, on a wine night with friends which is harder to organize for sure.April 29, 2016 – 9:52 pmReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - You summed this up perfectly and you are so right as it is honestly about the “Me too” here, as well and still always nice to know I am most definitely not alone. So thank you for that and so much more always, KristiApril 29, 2016 – 2:22 amReplyCancel

  • A Morning Grouch - LOVE this. (Me too!!)April 29, 2016 – 2:41 amReplyCancel

  • Dana Dominey Campbell - Loved typing with you the other day and we’ve certainly never met. We can give each other hope, empathy, and share joy!April 29, 2016 – 4:48 amReplyCancel

  • Deirdre Conran - So loving this. Man, I wish I’d written some of this stuff too. I went in a totally different direction this week, but you nailed it, as always! Thank you and hey, “me too”! We do share so much because we just have to. Thank you for being awesome.April 29, 2016 – 6:07 amReplyCancel

  • Allie - It is such a funny phenomena, bogging friendships. I was explaining to Rich how I switchef our hotel, so it would be (hopefully) easier for you to come visit. And he’s was all, have you even met this person before? Yes, dear;). Non-bloggers just don’t get it, we are a special tribe.April 29, 2016 – 9:41 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - OMG YOU Switched your hotel? I’d come to you anyway you know, but yeah, I get that… love the “yes dear.” 🙂 My husband doesn’t even ask any longer!April 29, 2016 – 10:30 pmReplyCancel

  • Sandra - Well my youngest is almost 13 (GAH! )so I’m well past the playground years, but I’m definitely a “me too”….and I smile, chuckle, lol, and nod. And where can I get some cheddar bunnies?April 29, 2016 – 11:45 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Dude, Cheddar Bunnies are the bomb. They’re like the organic version (and better tasting more cheddar) of goldfish? Whole Foods or Harris Teeter. Do you have those???April 29, 2016 – 11:13 pmReplyCancel

  • Christine Carter - Oh Kristi! I love this SO much. I have had THOSE SAME conversations with my ‘real life’ friends here. I actually got into an intense argument with my sister recently over her questioning the authenticity of my online friends. Let’s just say I won. lol

    I was JUST thinking about this very thing late last night, when I realized that there are more chunks of my life valued online than in real life these days. And I’m absolutely okay with that. I still *have* a life outside the web, but there is a growing love for my online friends that often supersedes it.

    Your playdate with your friends- PERFECT description. I remember those days, and all the busy kid-watching, juggling, and connecting with other moms that can occur. I’m so glad you were able to do it.April 29, 2016 – 12:18 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - haha, I got caught up looking at my own thumbnail. I was like, “Oooh, pretty picture. Who took it?”
    Um.. yeah. Me.
    Moving on, that was my oversharing for you. I impressed myself for once.
    You nailed this, though. Blogging friendships fascinate the heck out of me.April 29, 2016 – 1:45 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - LOL to you staring at a pic of your nail? Did I get that right? LOL and you impress me all the time, which is another part of blogging – that we can say that when it would be hard in person. Thanks, you.April 29, 2016 – 11:15 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Dang I wanted to say “you nailed it” but I see Tamara just said that. It’s also amazing how we all can be so different and relate so well.

    The beginning of this post made me laugh. Each time a person questions your relationship with a blogger it’s like you shrink a little inside. They don’t get it yet we are the ones that have to defend it.

    And please by all means get drawing! They are fun and funny, not stupid at all.April 29, 2016 – 2:25 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Kenya, and yeah, I want to get back to the drawing, so much, and had one for this maybe but time… and life, and the why, but yes. And thank you HUGE for saying I nailed it. I deleted 1,000 words before publishing and the thing about being the host is that I have to at 10pm, which I think I need, really. If that makes sense.April 29, 2016 – 11:24 pmReplyCancel

  • Jack - Writers overshare and undershare. It’s how we’re wired. We write about the innermost and the scariest most. We have to write it, to process it. We want to get it out.

    That is perfection.April 29, 2016 – 4:35 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - So often I read and think, “Me too!” Sometimes I read and think, “I didn’t know it was like that for her.” And because of sharing online, now I do. I know so much more about the world and the unique people in it, because of bloggers who share.April 29, 2016 – 6:37 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I think the “I didn’t know it was like that for her” is almost better or as much so as “me too,” because yeah, writers know so much more about each other than is possible on a playground, or at a school function…April 29, 2016 – 11:27 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - I’ve taken several online memoir-writing workshops and the teacher pointed out that the online format works well, especially for people writing memoirs, who are often sharing very personal, soul-baring stories. Without the face-to-face intimidation of an in-person writing class, the online class seems to allow and even encourage more honesty and openness. And through that class, I came to know several writers via their stories and many of us are still in touch online, long after our class ended…So, I think blogging offers a similar advantage and helps you create your own community. I think I didn’t really add new thoughts to anything you just wrote about, but I guess I just wanted to say, “yes, I get it!”April 30, 2016 – 9:40 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You know, that makes sense actually about being more anonymous. Because it’s definitely true that I can type things in my little office that I’d NEVER be able to say on a playground (unless I was drinking or something). YAY for getting it. Yay for knowing you.April 30, 2016 – 7:54 pmReplyCancel

  • Mardra Sikora - I feel very lucky to have found so many wonderful people via blogging. I’ve only recently had the chance to meet some of these folks “in real life” and everytime it’s like we are old friends, kicking in. I am very happy ot have met you and all of your clan, too!April 30, 2016 – 5:38 pmReplyCancel

  • My Inner Chick - The bloggers/writers I gravitate towards are those who
    are honest & authentic & raw.

    I don’t know if they overshare,
    but if they are writing something I identify with, I typically love them.

    I’m like, “YEAH, I get it! I’m not crazy after all!”

    I like that.

    xxxMay 1, 2016 – 6:38 pmReplyCancel

  • Diane Hite Weidenbenner - There’s something about the blogging community that allows a safe space to share, and learn that others are struggling with similar things. I think bloggers have awesome hearts. I’ve enjoyed your blogs and hope to participate in the Finish the Sentence Friday group. Just finished the A to Z Challenge and hope to continue the momentum. I blog at http://www.dianeweidenbenner.comMay 1, 2016 – 8:44 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - Sigh. Writing is so much better than playground paydays – most of the time, anyway.May 2, 2016 – 8:32 pmReplyCancel

  • Rabia @TheLiebers - I’ve found so much camaraderie online. My husband’s work doesn’t allow much time for me to go out and do friend things. I’ve gotten used to working around his non-traditional schedule and thankfully found a few local friends in the same boat, but online is where I can really find like-minded people. Those to whom I can say, “Your kid does that too?”May 3, 2016 – 1:32 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - I love the “your kid does that too!” moments because wow, sometimes its just plain old isolating. And I’m glad you’ve got such an amazing community online and that you’re part of mine!!May 5, 2016 – 6:41 pmReplyCancel

  • Roshni AaMom - Not to mention that it’s sometimes easier to ‘talk’ without feeling someone’s eyes on you, judging or pitying. And,somehow you know that bloggers being writers will just get you better than any IRL friend who’s not!May 11, 2016 – 4:19 amReplyCancel

I ask myself for forgiveness for the night that I wanted to give my life to somebody else. I talk to stars and to God and to innermost me. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know,” I say. *** On the night I sat on my bathroom floor hoping to gift a dying mother with my […]

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  • Allie - Oh momma, this was soul crushing. It’s one of my biggest fears too and I just cannot even go there. And the other stuff about the job – damn. I don’t even know what to say!April 21, 2016 – 10:05 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - UGH I can barely go there either and yet look at me – going there. WHY??? UGH!!! xoxo xApril 22, 2016 – 8:13 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - This was a “wow” post for many reasons, but most of all so very brave to share these thoughts with us. I know all parents have that fear of leaving their kids too soon, but, you and I know that some parents have that fear magnified because our worry of how they will carry on without us is more intense. But, I think part of it is caused by the fact that we’ve been worrying about them for a long time already and it’s hard to let that worry muscle relax…I’m trying though!April 21, 2016 – 10:26 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Emily and yeah, I think our fear is magnified. I mean I look at what some of the reactions have been to Tucker’s delays (even from family) and think OMG he NEEDS me. The worry muscle relaxes? I am SO happy to read that.April 22, 2016 – 8:14 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - I wrote so much about tornados and lions, but the real one would be dying early and leaving two children. Which in a way, is the only life I know – as one of those left children from a young parent.
    That said, I think we’re all going to live forever and meet at beach houses along the way.April 21, 2016 – 10:42 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I loved your tornados and lions and pics and yeah, I know you get it first-hand and yes please let’s all live forever and meet at beach houses!April 22, 2016 – 8:15 pmReplyCancel

  • JT Walters - I think you hit the nail right on the head. We all fear not being able to be here for our children. We also fear their love changes for us…teenagers especially.

    But most of all, as a parent with a child with two rare disease, I fear out surviving my son. Burying a child, especially your own, is the most unnatural horrific thing any human being can live through. I’d gladly pass before my son as long as I knew he had a good life.

    I never knew I could love anyone as much as I love my son.April 22, 2016 – 12:41 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I know what you mean JT. I never knew I could love anybody as much as I love my son too and cannot imagine burying a child. EVER. SOB.April 22, 2016 – 8:16 pmReplyCancel

  • Ruchira Khanna - Jeez! I can totally understand your sentiments esp coming from a mother. I too pray and thank when we all meet under the roof each night and ask for guidance when we all leave out in different directions when dawn embarks…

    Lovely sentiments there, Kristi and I join in to say Amen to the above
    xoxoApril 22, 2016 – 3:08 amReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - Aw, Kristi I think this is totally up there as far as my fears go and most definitely want to live a long and healthy life to be here to see my girls grow up and than some. Hugs and trust me you truly aren’t alone.April 22, 2016 – 3:57 amReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - Wow! That was powerful, Kristi! I think that is one of the biggest fears of most parents – leaving our children too soon. (And one of our children dying too soon – Can’t even imagine!). There are days when I get overwhelmed and think I don’t want this “mom life” anymore – no suicidal, just wishing for something different. Then, I go away for a couple days, and feel so awful for all the little things I missed. I don’t want to miss any of it. Or all of it. Ever.April 22, 2016 – 8:56 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Lisa. I feel like I should stop writing about it but I guess it’s been on my mind a lot recently and omg one of our children?? I don’t think for real that I could even (not going to finish this sentence). I know what you mean about wanting something different and then missing the little things so so much. xooApril 22, 2016 – 8:18 pmReplyCancel

  • Debi - This is so touching, Kristin. I’m glad your deal with the universe that night fell through.April 22, 2016 – 9:12 amReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - I have this fear too. We don’t live close to family and even if we did, Christopher is the “only” everywhere. His first cousins are a decade older, and second cousins a decade younger. My wish is for him to marry into a big family who all lives in the same town and they have lots of kids so he will never be lonely. Before and after my first miscarriage I told God never mind. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be for me after all. I am so glad he didn’t listen to me. It’s going to workout. That’s all we can hope for.April 22, 2016 – 9:29 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - We don’t live close to family either 🙁 and OMG just all of the thoughts. Anyway, I’m so glad that God didn’t listen to either one of us.April 22, 2016 – 10:35 pmReplyCancel

  • A.J. Goode - I had my last baby later in life, too, and I worry about not being here for him, so I understand exactly what you mean. I was 42 when he was born, and it scares the heck out of me to realize that I’ll be 60 when he graduates from high school! I just hope I’m still here to embarrass him by being the oldest mommy there . . .April 22, 2016 – 9:42 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - LOL AJ. And yeah, my husband is five years older than I am and we both worry so much about being here for our little boy, and even if we are, how old we’ll be! YIKES!April 22, 2016 – 10:36 pmReplyCancel

  • Lizzi Lewis - Fortunately God rarely takes up on that kind of bargain. But it makes total sense that you thought it, and total sense that now it’s the furthest thing from your mind. I’m glad you came through it all, that you picked up insight and wisdom along the way, that you’re happy to share the aforementioned, and that you’re who and how you are RightNow.

    (and I’m glad the faces in the bathroom had no cause to comment) 22, 2016 – 10:37 pmReplyCancel

  • Scott Hansen - I’m glad everything worked out for you, even if it all happened a bit later than you intended.April 23, 2016 – 12:20 amReplyCancel

  • Frances - WOW! This has been the most profound piece I’ve read in a long while. I’m glad you shared this with us. It definitely gives me the inspiration to take more risks with my writing.

    FrancesApril 23, 2016 – 10:12 amReplyCancel

  • Yvonne - You name a fear I’m sure many mothers have. I was about to say especially those of us who had kids late. (I’m one too.) But I my sister was still in her 20s when she had her first daughter and she had the same fear. And then, yes the fear JT Walters expresses is one I’ve had often too, particularly when my second daughter was young and so fragile.

    Also, I really like the literary feel to this – I love your imagery of the moon.April 23, 2016 – 2:36 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Maybe it’s a universal parent fear although I suspect that it’s worse for mothers than for fathers. My husband has a more “well what can I do anyway?” attitude about it whereas I actually lie awake worrying about it, which of course doesn’t help. Thank you for your sweet words and I’m glad you liked the moon imagery. You’re the only one to have commented about that part and I really liked it too.April 23, 2016 – 7:49 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - Even the title is crushing, Kristi – such a huge fear that it rarely is spoken aloud. And I get it about the control – how can something so big be out of our control? So many things are. As always, a piece so many of us can relate to, even if our personal circumstances are different.

    Your writing has a way of uniting all of us, my friend.April 23, 2016 – 4:33 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw Dana, yes, such a huge fear…Hate the lack of control and thank you again.April 23, 2016 – 9:50 pmReplyCancel

  • Josie Two Shoes - Our children are indeed our reason for living and for wanting to live. There was a time in my life that the only think keeping me alive was that knowledge that I wanted to be there for my children, to raise them, and to make sure they were able to navigate through life on their own, God willing. I couldn’t just leave them to a man that I knew wasn’t up to the task. If it wasn’t for that, I wouldn’t be here now, and I am ever so glad that I am. God willing, you will also remain in your son’s life for as long as he needs you, until his is ready and able for a chapter of his own. Another honest and inspiring post, I loved it!
    from Josie’s JournalApril 23, 2016 – 11:46 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks Josie! I so very hope that I’ll be here for a long long time for him! And that each of us are!April 24, 2016 – 12:06 pmReplyCancel

  • Michelle Grewe - I am so ready for death in many ways that I often feel like I’m just waiting for it, but at the same time, I don’t want to leave my children too early. Where would they go? And worse. Everyone who would take my children at my death are authoritative parents and won’t be too forgiving of the special needs in this family. It’s so weird because I want my children to listen to me and be quiet sometimes, and do as I say, but the idea that they don’t, that they are determined to get what they want, that they don’t take no for an answer, that gives me peace in the case they have someone else raising them. But I find myself praying to God, “I know you can feel my heart is ready to join you, but don’t listen to it. I need more time here.” I wish I could say something to make this fear easier to cope with as it does consume us sometimes in our quest for perfect parenting, but I don’t know what to say to it. I lost my father when I was 20, and I was too young for it then. I wasn’t ready. All I can do with my kids is think of all the things I needed to hear my father say to me, and say those things as much as possible. “I’m so proud of you,” that’s a big one. So reading what you said about the scooter, I can vouch you are doing it so right.April 24, 2016 – 7:35 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw thanks, Michelle, for your comment about the scooter. I know none of us always get it right but saying “I’m so proud of you” is huge and will hopefully be what they remember. I know what you mean about wanting your children to listen to you but also being proud of them when they don’t because of the reassurance they’re their own people making decisions. Here’s to us having more time here.April 24, 2016 – 12:09 pmReplyCancel

  • Astrid - I cannot relate to having a specal needs child, but I can relate to sometimes wishing my life away and at other times fearing death. Please remember that despair does strange things to our minds, sch as letting it think death is the better option.April 24, 2016 – 2:13 pmReplyCancel

  • Rabia @TheLiebers - So poignant, Kristi. My kids are typically developing and I worry about the same things. I’ve told them over and over again that they have to take care of each other someday. When my husband and I are gone, they’ll hopefully still have each other. I hope that day is a long way away!April 25, 2016 – 12:34 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks Rabia! Maybe all of us worry about it – I actually wish my son had a sibling for the reason you mention. I’m close with my brothers but don’t see them often as we’re all in different states.April 25, 2016 – 5:03 pmReplyCancel

  • Nichol Wilson - Beautiful!April 25, 2016 – 8:49 pmReplyCancel

  • A Morning Grouch - Oh man. THIS. For so many reasons this fear comes to my mind. <3 So well written.April 29, 2016 – 1:15 amReplyCancel

  • Kerry - Beautiful Kristi. I love the moon and I don’t quite know why. I’ve never seen the stars, but the moon I’ve been able to see, and I guess I consider myself lucky. I guess I am in awe how it’s the same moon looking Down on all of us and the lives we’re living separately but as one.April 29, 2016 – 9:52 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks Kerry! I’m glad that you’ve been able to see the moon. It really is something to think about how the same one looks down on us all – I like how you put that we’re living separately but as one.April 30, 2016 – 4:53 pmReplyCancel

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