Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

The time I was abducted by aliens and could change my past

Last night, I was abducted by aliens while I slept.  One minute, I was peacefully slumbering in bed, and the next, I was standing outside, on the sidewalk, looking at two creatures that I knew were from outer space.

Whether it was the glass of wine I’d had before bed or that they’d done some fancy mind trick on me, I was strangely calm. Not scared at all, nor worried about being violated.

They told me (and I’m not sure whether they spoke, or if I heard them in my head) that I was allowed to go back in time, and change one thing. It had to be something in my direct life.

Oh. I also got the distinct feeling that they were disappointed that more of my time had not been dedicated to the sciences, but they were nice about that.

Aliens ask if you want to go back in time

Obviously, this was an amazing opportunity! I was excited!  I started thinking about the one thing that I’d like to go back in time and change.

All of the witty comebacks that I’d not thought of until it was too late filled my head. I thought about the skank in high school who stole my boyfriend right before prom.

I thought about the time when that slimebucket of a CEO in Golden told me I’d have a job in spite of upcoming layoffs, let me go the next week along with the rest of the marketing department, and then asked me if I wanted to write the company a check for $8,000 to buy out my stock options (I didn’t write the check, thank goodness, being as they declared bankruptcy like a month later and probably knew they were going to when they asked for my money).

To go back in time and change something is pretty exciting. What would I fix?

I obviously thought about it. A lot.

What to wish for revenge witty comebacks or youth

I’ve heard some people wear nightgowns.

Ultimately, I decided that I’d like for my husband and me to be 10 years younger, while keeping everything else exactly the same, because I want my son Tucker to be Tucker, and I want him to be him, 4 1/2 years old, and I want to have all the experiences that I have had.

I shared my idea with my new alien friends.

But everything else is the same

At first, I thought they were confused, or were translating my language or something. They just kept looking at me.

Looking at me like I was a moron.

The aliens looked at me like I was a moron

Honestly, it got a bit uncomfortable, so I started wondering what I’d said. While trying to decide whether I’d offended them and whether I should offer them some Doritos or something from inside the house, I began to fantasize about being 10 years younger but having everything else stay exactly the same.

women at playground would suck it

I started thinking some more about how my new alien friends might pull this off.

Originally, I assumed they’d just condense Robert’s and my life experiences and make them happen at a more rapid speed, so that everything else – but our age – could remain the same.

And then I started thinking about that. How they’d condense the moments, and whether them being more brief might affect the outcomes and the lessons.

How would this work exactly2

I started to get nervous.

And the smaller of the two aliens told me how it would work.

It cant work

More precisely, that it can’t work.

And I realized, with the help of a couple of aliens in the middle of the night, that it is our experiences that make us who we are. That changing a single one creates a ripple throughout time and space, and that, in the end, it’s simply much too risky to change anything.

I woke up the next morning in bed. I gave thanks for my life, for its ups and downs, and realized that if there’s something I want to change, that I need to look at the tomorrows rather than the yesterdays.

I was extremely refreshed, although a tiny bit violated-feeling. Also? All of the Doritos and beer was missing.

This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post. Today’s sentence is “If I could go back in time… ” and has been brought to you by the hilarious Jennifer Schario Hicks of Real Life Parenting!

Your hosts: Janine: Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic
Kate: Can I get another bottle of whine?
Stephanie: Mommy, for Real
Me (Kristi): Finding Ninee

 


  • Janine Huldie - Love how you ended this and think you are right about just being thankful for the here and now, but also have to share I had my ex in high school stolen by my skanky ex-bff right before our senior prom. So, was totally shaking my head on that experience!!April 10, 2014 – 10:06 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Janine. I can’t believe your high school ex was stolen by your skanky ex-bff right before prom!! Ugh.April 12, 2014 – 9:40 amReplyCancel

  • Dana - Only you could make green alien men profound and heartwarming at the same time. I completely agree with you, Kristi – I wouldn’t change my yesterdays. Except for the one I wrote about for FTSF.April 10, 2014 – 10:14 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - HAHA to except the one you wrote for FTST Dana but come on – I’m actually jealous of your front door marker! Too funny!April 12, 2014 – 9:41 amReplyCancel

  • Chris at Hye Thyme Cafe - OK, I’ve set out cookies for Santa and carrots for the Easter Bunny – now I’ve gotta keep beer and Doritos on hand for the little green guys?!? Ummm, just in case … what flavor Doritos was it that they took???April 10, 2014 – 10:40 pmReplyCancel

  • Angel The Alien - Aliens are so smart, aren’t they? Did you tell them I said Hello? 😉April 10, 2014 – 10:59 pmReplyCancel

  • Don - Is it wrong that I was reading this and hoping that there’d be some probing? Yes? Okay then, that didn’t happen then, probably.

    Lol. How cool would it be to be our same selves only younger? Awesome is how!!!April 11, 2014 – 12:19 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Yes, it’s wrong that you were hoping for some probing, although not exactly surprising. It would be awesome to be our same selves but younger, yes. Very cool. Probingly cool. Ok that didn’t really work as well as it did in my head.April 12, 2014 – 9:50 amReplyCancel

  • Linda Atwell - Out One Ear - sweet! I was with you all the way. Sorry about the missing Doritos and Beer. 🙂April 11, 2014 – 1:31 amReplyCancel

  • Michelle - That was awesome! Love the drawings! If I could turn back time, I’d probably tell my junior high and high school self that things get better and I’d probably not have worked so ridiculously hard for companies that I didn’t own and in the end, didn’t care how much I put into my job. Then again, I probably would, because that’s just how I roll. I care too much sometimes.April 11, 2014 – 2:46 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I know what you mean, Michelle, about working. Before having Tucker, I used to work 70+ hours a week. And I liked it. What’s up with that?? And yeah, telling our junior high and high school selves that things get better would be a great one.April 12, 2014 – 10:00 amReplyCancel

  • Misty - hillarious as always! i’d so love to be your neighbor!April 11, 2014 – 5:53 amReplyCancel

  • Real Life Parenting - Those skanky, boyfriend-stealing bitches are everywhere! lol Funny, I actually started my post (but then completely changed it) with funny stuff I wish I could go back and say or do to past boyfriends. …. You and I had a similar wave-length on this one 🙂

    Loved your little green aliens! And that nosy neighbor? Pretty sure I lived down the street from her as a kid!April 11, 2014 – 7:44 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - How funny that you started with what you’d go back and say or do to ex boyfriends!! HAHA to the nosy neighbor! They’re everywhere!April 12, 2014 – 10:06 amReplyCancel

  • karen - LOVE the creativity babe! you are right, everything is as it shoudl be, one change could effect it all and life could be so terribly different.

    terrible aliens for taking your beer.April 11, 2014 – 8:04 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I know Karen. They suck for taking our beer. However, they were quite wise with their advice so maybe some beer and Doritos was a small price to pay.April 12, 2014 – 10:07 amReplyCancel

  • Jennifer Steck - There are some profound quotes in your post that really resonated with me, Kristi. “If there’s something I want to change, I need to look at the tomorrows instead of the yesterdays”. It was so much fun, but filled with incredible insights that I love. I am who I am because of what I’ve gone through. So are you. 🙂April 11, 2014 – 8:08 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Exactly, Jennifer! We are who we are because of what we’ve been through – the good and the not-so-good…April 12, 2014 – 10:08 amReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ The Golden Spoons - Aliens, humor, life lessons, and love all wrapped in to one post – only you, my friend!! I love what you did with this and totally agree – we need to focus on tomorrows, not yesterdays. I have my moments, but, in the end, wouldn’t want anything to change my right now.April 11, 2014 – 8:36 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Lisa! And here’s to focusing on the tomorrows and on deep breaths through the moments 😉April 12, 2014 – 10:08 amReplyCancel

  • Kat - You make a very good point. I’ve been through some shitty things in life but I’ve also had a lot of great things happen too. Getting rid of the crap might mean that the good might go to. Our experiences make us who we are and, for the most part, I pretty much like who I am.

    ps. Any aliens who like Doritos and beer are okay in my book 🙂April 11, 2014 – 9:05 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Exactly, Kat – it’s too scary to get rid of the crap because the good is in there too. Hehe to aliens who like Doritos and beer. At least they have great taste!!April 12, 2014 – 10:10 amReplyCancel

  • Echo - This was so much fun to read and I love the illustrations! I probably would have offered them Doritos too!April 11, 2014 – 9:08 amReplyCancel

  • Twindaddy - I’d love to be 10 years younger too!April 11, 2014 – 9:33 amReplyCancel

  • Tarana - We really are who we are because of every little moment in our lives. Those aliens were right! Even if we were to change the slightest thing about our past, we might turn into completely different people.April 11, 2014 – 9:43 amReplyCancel

  • Tamara - I like your take on it! I like your Metallica shirt.
    I’d like to come to the playground with you, wearing clean clothes, and being oddly buff, and ignore other moms. Can I?April 11, 2014 – 10:57 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Tamara, I’d LOVE to have you come to the playground with me anytime. Even if you’re not wearing clean clothes 😉April 12, 2014 – 10:26 amReplyCancel

  • Deb @ Urban Moo Cow - I really loved the sentiment here. It’s something I think about often. There are a couple of things I would definitely change but like you I wonder where that would leave me. Thanks for the profound thoughts and funny drawings today!April 11, 2014 – 11:52 amReplyCancel

  • Chris Carter - Okay- so did you really have this dream? Or are you that creative and witty and brilliant to come up with this one? SO adorable, funny and as always powerful.

    I can’t stop laughing at your neighbor with the binoculars!!! “Harold!!”- Omygosh HILARIOUS!!!!!

    I love this message- ultimately, every single piece of who we are and how our lives unfold is critical and worthy of keeping.

    Oh yes indeed.April 11, 2014 – 12:03 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Chris, I did not actually have this dream – but I like that you think it was creative and brilliant even. I was just trying to figure out a way to make the concept of going back in time more fun. And haha to the neighbor. xo and thanks so much, my lovely friend!April 12, 2014 – 10:29 amReplyCancel

  • Kelly L McKenzie - I’m loving how so far most of the FSTF posts are coming up with the same conclusion – we are today the sum total of our past experiences. So very true. At the same time I am stunned at your revelation about the stock options buyout offer. How could they think anyone would leap at that? Stunning.April 11, 2014 – 12:10 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kelly – I really like how so many of us decided that we wouldn’t change anything either! And yeah, the stock options thing – sadly, I know people at other companies who did choose to buy theirs and lost their money. Of course, there were always the stories out there about the one guy who invested $5K and made $100K to make us all at least think about it. Glad I didn’t though, I’d still be bitter!April 12, 2014 – 10:35 amReplyCancel

  • Nicole @ Work in Sweats Mama - There are definitely things I look back on and wish I’d had the wisdom and experience to know then what I know now. But, I’ve come to the same conclusion as you. I don’t think I’d really change a damn thing because every moment, mistake, and decision has led me to where I am today. And I wouldn’t trade my husband, my daughters, my family, or my friends for the world.April 11, 2014 – 12:28 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Nicole, I’m so with you on not trading anyone in my life for the world – and all of our experiences helped to make us who we are today. Good and bad and in between.April 12, 2014 – 11:12 amReplyCancel

  • Barb Taub - This was so funny. And touching. And is it weird that I identify with the aliens? It reminds me of the way that I know — really know– what’s best for my kids. And we all agree that I know. Only difference is that they don’t come to see my wisdom (as you did with the aliens) and so they go off and do their own thing anyway. And they’re usually right. I guess that makes me the neighbor instead of the aliens.

    Well, crap.April 11, 2014 – 12:57 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Barb, it’s not weird at all (ok maybe just a little bit but I’m okay with weird) that you identify with the aliens. Was it the Doritos or the beer that helped? 😉
      HAHA to being the neighbor instead of the aliens. I vote that you get to be the aliens instead of the neighbor!April 12, 2014 – 11:14 amReplyCancel

  • Rachel - Well, you know I would love to be 10 years younger. It’s fun to think about (George and I were JUST talking about this last night) but you are right. We are exactly where we are supposed to be. As always, beautiful takeaway and kick-ass drawings, Kristi!April 11, 2014 – 1:14 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - How weird that you guys were just talking about this, Rachel! And yeah, I do believe we are where we are supposed to be. Exactly where. Old and all.April 12, 2014 – 11:15 amReplyCancel

  • That girl ryan - AH! teach me how to draw like this? I love it, especially the aliens, i want to take them home.

    This story could honestly be written in a child’s book. It’s full of morals and good teachings…almost bible like. You could call it, “Ninee’s New Testament”.

    You could probably even take your stock options and use it for publishing. And of course I will be your manager and book you on the Oprah show.

    Yes, this is a great idea, call me when your ready.

    All giggles aside, loved this. The pictures just made it too lol.April 11, 2014 – 2:10 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Girl Ryan, I’d LOVE to teach you!! And I like the aliens too. I wish they were real, I like them so much. I’d even buy extra beer and Doritos. And I freaking LOVE “Ninee’s New Testament” and thanks for getting me on Oprah. That’ll be awesome fun. Don will be so jealous because we’ll be famous. I’ll get to work on it!April 12, 2014 – 11:17 amReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Love it when you have illustrations! For a moment I took ten years off my life to be here just as it is but then I realized the last ten years have really been so much more of a learning experience than the first 33! Wow huh? Oh and I would have been so pissed to date the same boy for all of senior year securing him for the prom just to have a skank steal him. So did you get another date?April 11, 2014 – 2:15 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Kenya! And it’s true that we learn more during the “older” years, isn’t it? What’s up with that? And yeah, that dumb boy sucked for dumping me right before prom. For a skanky freshman too! I didn’t get another date, and missed it out of spite which, in hindsight was sortof dumb…sigh.April 12, 2014 – 3:37 pmReplyCancel

  • Jodi Flaherty - Well Since I just visit Don of All Trades, I think he may have your beer & doritos…..

    Kidding, aside this is an awesome #FTSF Loved your illustrations!April 11, 2014 – 3:10 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Hey you’re right! I’ll bet sneaky Don took the beer and Doritos. I knew I heard something when I was outside talking to the aliens. And thanks!April 12, 2014 – 3:43 pmReplyCancel

  • clark - “…it is our experiences that make us who we are. That changing a single one creates a ripple throughout time and space, and that, in the end, it’s simply much too risky to change anything.

    way to Time Travel buzzkill, yo

    lol, but I agree with you (yeah, how like is that?)April 11, 2014 – 3:18 pmReplyCancel

  • Sarah Shaw Almond - Hee hee Kristi-you make this thought-provoking, cute and heartwarming all at the same time! Love the alien guys, and I love the message of this post. 🙂April 11, 2014 – 3:39 pmReplyCancel

  • Lizzi Rogers - BWAHAHAH I LOVE the little drawings. The small alien is wise. And also, are your neighbours Abner and Gladys Cravitz? Yow!

    SO much to like about this post. But sorry your beer and doritos got ‘gone’dApril 11, 2014 – 4:30 pmReplyCancel

  • Sarah Wilson - How fun is this post?! I love it and the comics to go along with it. Made my morning! Do you live in the Denver area?April 11, 2014 – 5:13 pmReplyCancel

  • Bianca @ Rant Rave Crave - Those are some cute aliens! I know changing the past would affect the future & makes us who we are today. However, I do have to agree with you when you were thinking the playground mamas could suck it. 😉April 11, 2014 – 5:55 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Love that you get how sucky some of those playground mamas can be. Although, bummer.April 12, 2014 – 3:50 pmReplyCancel

  • Stephanie Smith Sprenger - Bwahaha! I I needed a funny drawing fix. And I SO wish I could go back and use all my amazingly clever comebacks. I lay awake at night having confrontational fantasies- is that weird? 😉April 11, 2014 – 6:29 pmReplyCancel

  • Lizzy - Muddle-Headed Mamma - Loving those aliens, Kristi, and Harold’s mum too! You’re such a great artist. Fantastic post – a very good reminder that our tomorrows are more important than our yesterdays 🙂 I’m lucky in that none of the mothers in the playground near where I live are particularly buff or glowing or clean clothed (self included!) xxxApril 11, 2014 – 9:05 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw, thanks, Lizzy! “Artist” is probably a stretch but they’re fun to do. Glad to hear that the mothers at your playground are normal and messy!! 😀April 12, 2014 – 3:54 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa C Cadigan - Love this, Kristi 🙂April 12, 2014 – 12:15 pmReplyCancel

  • Sandy Ramsey - It is fun to toss the idea around a little…the thought of changing something in the past? But there’s that whole time/space continuum thing that would change everything else, including the really, really good stuff! I love this and I really love the fact that drawing Kristi is wearing a Metallica tee! XXApril 12, 2014 – 7:11 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Sandy, it IS fun to toss the idea around about changing the past, being younger, and all of that. But you’re right, in the end, it’s just way too scary to change anything. Also? I love that drawing Kristi is wearing Metallica, too 😀April 12, 2014 – 11:51 pmReplyCancel

  • Times Squared Humour Blog - Hilarious yet profound. Love it!
    I’m with you on looking to the future instead of the past. To be truthful, I have no interest in going back to high school days, working like a madwoman days, and marriage breakdown days. I can honestly say I’m happy with what I have today, and that’s all I need.April 12, 2014 – 8:53 pmReplyCancel

  • Kimberly - You know that game “Draw Something/This”? I should not be allowed to play that game. But you? You’d nail it.
    I completely agree with you in that our experiences shaped us. I do however wish that I could go back in time and call in sick the day that stupid asshole kid who thought it wasn’t cool to use his inhaler at school so he had a massive asthma attack and he stopped breathing and then I picked his fat ass up and then fucked my back up.
    Yup, someone else could be the hero. Not even lying about that.April 13, 2014 – 11:33 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kim, I used to be completely addicted to Draw Something! I used to take screen shots on my phone of my favorites and save them. I think I got bored with it or something though as I stopped playing like a year ago. Maybe time to get re-addicted because it’s much healthier than that stupid bastard Candy Crush.
      Ugh, I didn’t know that’s how you fucked up your back – I don’t blame you at all for wanting to change that one!April 13, 2014 – 4:57 pmReplyCancel

  • Jessica Rapisarda - There’s actually something pretty poignant at the heart of this post. I, too, sometimes wish that I were a younger version of myself, a younger mom. But you’re right, you can’t go back and you can’t change just one thing. And I’m not sure I’d trade my snack chips for youth anyway. April 13, 2014 – 1:08 pmReplyCancel

  • Jessica Rapisarda - There’s actually something pretty poignant at the heart of this post. I, too, sometimes wish that I were a younger version of myself, a younger mom. But you’re right, you can’t go back and you can’t change just one thing. And I’m not sure I’d trade my snack chips for youth anyway (I really love my chips). April 13, 2014 – 1:08 pmReplyCancel

  • Michelle AKA Dribbles and Grits - I feel the same way. There’s a lot of things in my past I didn’t like and things in my present I don’t like that I could change going back in time, but I’d be afraid I’d mess things up even more. I’m better off being back in time already for the future if that makes sense. If not, try more wine. If that doesn’t work, it probably doesn’t make sense.April 13, 2014 – 5:55 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Yes, it totally makes sense to go back in time already for the future! Mmm wine. Yummy yummy wine.April 14, 2014 – 3:45 pmReplyCancel

  • Mytwicebakedpotato - I wish that I could go back and tell my younger self…
    – you aren’t pretty when you drink too much and throw up by train tracks
    – not everyone will like you and that’s okay
    – it’s okay to be different

    Thank you for this 😉April 13, 2014 – 10:34 pmReplyCancel

  • Lana - Hi Kristi- I’m so glad I found your site. My sister has a 15 year old on the autism spectrum – I will be forwarding this on to her. I just started blogging and I’m having so much fun finding other moms in blogland. This post made me laugh AND think, which means it was great! Have a great week!April 14, 2014 – 1:35 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Hi Lana,
      Thanks so much for finding it and for passing it along to your sister. I’m so glad you’re enjoying finding people in blogland – it’s really an amazing thing. I have made so many great friends and really look forward to getting to know you, too! Thanks again!April 14, 2014 – 4:11 pmReplyCancel

  • Jean Baldridge Yates - came over to say hi and LOVED this!!! You are profound, and funny! jeanApril 15, 2014 – 12:07 pmReplyCancel

  • Kate Hall - I love the ending of this. Great post! I love how you explained why you didn’t think the past should change rather than just saying – I wouldn’t change anything. Love the old lady neighbor too!April 15, 2014 – 10:54 pmReplyCancel

  • Meredith - This is so awesome. I love the drawings too!! It’s so true that our life experiences are such an intricate part of who we ultimately are. You probably couldn’t have been the mom to Tucker that you are now if you didn’t have those extra 10 years under your belt either. Although, having a younger body than the other moms at the playground sounds SUPER awesome.September 10, 2014 – 3:39 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks so much sweets! Yeah, the younger body sounds amazing… but also? To go back means giving up experiences right? 🙂September 11, 2014 – 1:14 amReplyCancel

  • Linda Roy - Wow – this is so great Kristi. Poignant and funny as hell. I love the expressions on the aliens. “Whatchu talkin’ ’bout, Lady?” hahaSeptember 11, 2014 – 1:54 pmReplyCancel

  • Roshni AaMom - LOL!! I haven’t read this before!! How awesome you are at humor posts too!!September 11, 2014 – 4:34 pmReplyCancel

  • Jana - “If there’s something I want to change, that I need to look at the tomorrows rather than the yesterdays.” SO true! I need to start doing that myself (although I wouldn’t mind being ten years younger!)September 11, 2014 – 10:54 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I so would not mind being 10 years younger either, Jana!!! But yeah, sadly, we have to look at the tomorrows and not the yesterdays…October 23, 2014 – 11:20 pmReplyCancel

  • Harshita Jani - The drawing is funny and attractive. Thanks for the share.
    http://onlinesoftreviews.com/February 6, 2016 – 7:12 amReplyCancel

  • Upasna Sethi - Loved your drawings…Seriously 🙂March 21, 2016 – 10:40 amReplyCancel

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