Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

One of the most embarrassing things I ever did was…

One of the most embarrassing things I ever did was…”

Sadly, I really had to think about this because the amount of times I’ve managed to embarrass myself is, well, many.

I wondered about sharing the time in seventh grade when I held in a fart for so long that I’d forgotten about it and while bending sideways to retrieve a fallen notebook, let it loose, really loudly.  It reverberated against that seventh-grade plastic chair like nobody’s business.  The best part?  I was sitting right next to the crush of my life and then wasn’t quick-witted enough to blame it on the weird kid in front of me.

I thought about writing about the time I was supposed to give a moving speech at my dad’s 70th birthday celebration.  When it was my turn, I completely lost my train of thought and in a really lame attempt to explain how cool my dad is shared that when I was weighing then-boyfriend pros and cons my dad asked me how the sex was.  What I didn’t mention that he was merely stating that it is an issue in every relationship and should be on either the pro or the con list.  So instead, it came across like my dad and I have really weird and really inappropriate talks about our sex lives.  I’m sure he was proud of me that night.

I considered writing about the time that I met with a potential vendor at work and about five minutes into his presentation, I sneezed.  The kind of huge sneeze that requires HAZMAT cleanup.  I wiped down my hands, blew my nose and told him to continue.  It wasn’t until he left and I pondered why he so actively avoided shaking my hand that I looked down and realized there was snot all over my shirt.  I’m not talking about a little stray booger.  I’m talking that it looked like somebody threw snot-colored cooked spaghetti on me.  Needless to say, vendor dude never did call me.

I also thought about telling you about the Halloween when I had too much to drink and while being carried up the stairs by my brother’s friend, I threw up all over his back.  But I decided we’ve all done that, or close enough, so it’s really not that embarrassing.  (He later became Husband Number One, so he must have not been THAT bothered!)

There’s no way I’m writing about some of the totally embarrassing shit I did on company trips while sleep deprived, stressed out and really buzzed, because some of my old co-workers read this.  If they didn’t witness it or hear about it back then, I’m not about to let them know about it now.

I’m also not writing about the time that I gave my date a bloody nose and a fat lip because he was leaning in for a kiss though the car window and I opened the door.  On his face.

In the end, I decided that the event that continues to make me want to smack myself in the head happened at a wedding.  The saving grace is that it wasn’t MY wedding.  I was at a wedding sporting this really amazing new dress.  I was especially proud as I’d recently lost a few pounds and it fit really well.  I’m normally not a hose-wearing gal and can pretty much always find an excuse to not wear them, no matter the occasion.  But for this particular wedding, and this particular dress, I made an exception.

Fun was being had by all and at some point, I excused myself to use the restroom.  I finished my business and manipulated those tricky hose back up and went to wash up.  I then met my date, drank champagne and we danced.  It wasn’t until about an hour later (nope, not exaggerating it was seriously that long) that one of my date’s friend’s girlfriends was kind enough to point out that the back of my dress was tucked ALL THE WAY into my flesh-ish shimmery hose.  And.  I wasn’t wearing panties.  No wonder that one creepy drunk dude kept flirting with me.

My date claimed to have not noticed as he was looking at “my beautiful face” but I’m pretty sure he was lying.  I never went on another date with that guy again.

Because I do not have any photographic evidence of this event (OMG I just realized that other people probably DO), I’ve drawn you a picture.  The thing is, I looked in the bathroom mirror at my reflection.  My front reflection.  Note to future self:  ALWAYS check out your own ass in the bathroom mirror.  It might be virtually naked.

EmbarassingDress

This post is a part of Finish The Sentence Friday, where our supercool hosts think of a sentence and then we get to finish it.  The awesome hosts:

Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic (TwitterFacebook)
Mommy, for Real (TwitterFacebook)
JenJen’s Soapbox of Parodies (TwitterFacebook)
Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine with My Morning Quiet Time (TwitterFacebook)

This week’s sentence was obviously “One of the most embarrassing things I ever did was…”

Next week’s sentence to finish: “The last time I went on vacation, I…

And now you’re all like “OMG!  Kristi posted twice in one day!  Awesomesauce!”  Right?

Oh and if you’re wondering about how today’s earlier events turned out, click here.  I’ve given you a handy little update.  ‘Cause I’m nice like that.

PS – I was just proofreading this and chuckling just a little bit.  The hubs: “What’s so funny?”  Me: “Me.”  Which then made me actually laugh.  Something might be wrong with me.

Finish the Sentence Friday


  • Janine Huldie - Kristi, first off, thank you so very much for linking up and sharing one the most embarrassing thing that happened to you. I can tell you I somehow by the grace of god have never done that with pantyhose and my dress, but that is not to say that I wouldn’t be capable, because lord knows I am a klutz from way back. That said, I absolutely loved the drawing you did, seriously that was just awesome 🙂 🙂 Thanks again and hope to see you linked up again next week!!!January 11, 2013 – 7:14 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Thanks, Janine! I plan to! I tried to give you a shout-out of thanks for hosting on Twitter, but can’t find you…but THANK YOU for hosting! 🙂 I loved this one!January 11, 2013 – 7:17 pmReplyCancel

  • Rachel Harper - This quite possibly is the greatest post ever. This made my day.January 11, 2013 – 7:34 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Awww, thanks, Rachel! Your comment made MY day! 😀January 11, 2013 – 7:44 pmReplyCancel

  • Stephanie @Mommy, for real. - This is definitely one of my favorites today! I love your opening stories almost as much as the big story. And that picture was f-ing perfect! Also, I didn’t know you had a Husband One. Just one more thing we have in common! 😉January 11, 2013 – 9:06 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Really? You had Hub1, too? I like to think of it as a space program thing…Hub 1, Final Hub, you know…
      Thanks for the awesome comment. 🙂 And thanks for hosting 🙂January 12, 2013 – 12:11 amReplyCancel

      • Stephanie @ Mommy, for real. - Snort….Space Program. That’s what I’ll tell people from now on…January 14, 2013 – 4:20 pmReplyCancel

        • admin - I told you – we are totally important. We have classified secrets. And it’s fine.January 15, 2013 – 12:25 amReplyCancel

  • Jennifer - That is too funny! I think that is every woman’s fear when wearing a dress or skirt. This is why a woman should always look at her butt in the mirror. When I was little, I did that once at my grandparents’ church.and walked all the way through church to my seat. Everyone was looking at me funny. At least I had underwear on…ol.January 11, 2013 – 9:12 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Love that you did the same thing in church! At least you were little, though…
      Thanks for the awesome comment! <3January 12, 2013 – 12:11 amReplyCancel

  • Julie DeNeen - OMG! I’m loving all these embarrassing posts. You had me in fits. Hysterical!January 11, 2013 – 9:13 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Julie, thank you thank you so much for the awesome comment!January 12, 2013 – 12:06 amReplyCancel

  • Kate Hall - Oh my gosh! I thought the first paragraph with the farting was bad, but all of them are hysterical! You need to pin that picture on Pinterest. That should get some action. Thanks so much for going the extra mile and writing this second post today. I couldn’t have done it. Awesome stuff!January 11, 2013 – 9:40 pmReplyCancel

    • Kate Hall - I posted this on my FB page. Awesome!January 11, 2013 – 9:44 pmReplyCancel

      • admin - You did? I LOVE YOUJanuary 11, 2013 – 11:21 pmReplyCancel

  • Sara - Ha! Love it! The picture is so perfect. (You were so young! 😉 ) My mom did that once in a crowded restaurant where the bathroom was upstairs so she had to walk through a crowded dining room upstairs, down the all-eyes-on-you stairs and across the crowded downstairs before a caring friend could tell her what went wrong. Stupid panty hose. Always be the caring friend who lets a woman know, that’s what I say. Great post!January 12, 2013 – 9:12 amReplyCancel

    • admin - I do look quite young there, don’t I? I wasn’t actually young. I’m just drawn that way. This happened about 6 years ago, a month or so before I met Robert.January 12, 2013 – 9:29 amReplyCancel

  • Terrye - OMG. Yeah, that would be embarrassing and what a jerk for not telling you. Good thing you dumped his sorry butt! 🙂January 12, 2013 – 12:02 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - I know, right?!?January 12, 2013 – 12:27 pmReplyCancel

  • Rachel - I always LOVE the pictures that you put with your posts. They just make your writing sing. And I love that you were brave enough to include more than one embarrassing moment. You are my hero!January 12, 2013 – 12:53 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Rachel, I have many embarrassing moments. Story of my life. Thanks HUGE for the superawesomeamazing comment. <3January 12, 2013 – 1:17 pmReplyCancel

  • Joy - This is the BEST POST EVER!! Hahaha! I simply love it!!

    Sadly, I wanted to join the blog hop too, but my week was crazily busy! :-/ Maybe next week.January 13, 2013 – 4:16 amReplyCancel

    • admin - Thanks, Joy! I hope this week is less crazy for you!January 14, 2013 – 10:14 amReplyCancel

  • Michelle Pond - There is nothing wrong with you, Kristi. You are very funny! TALUJanuary 22, 2013 – 1:55 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Thanks Michelle! 🙂 That’s so sweet!January 22, 2013 – 2:54 pmReplyCancel

  • Jenn @ Something Clever 2.0 - Oh, noooooooooo! Yeah, that definitely wins Most Embarrassing Moment Ever. I’m so grateful for TALU!January 22, 2013 – 1:56 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Thanks, Jenn! Loved your TALU post, too. Just mushed love all over it, in fact. So true and so funny!January 22, 2013 – 2:55 pmReplyCancel

  • Jeannine Bergers Everett - I backed into my father-in-law’s car. I sent an email to my two closest friends. One emailed back to tell me how it happens to everyone and I shouldn’t be embarrassed and it would all be okay. The other called, but couldn’t say much because she was laughing too hard. I only knew it was her because I have caller I.D.January 22, 2013 – 3:22 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Oh no! That’s really funny that you could only recognize your friend by caller ID. I’d probably have been laughing like crazy too!January 22, 2013 – 6:22 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - HILARIOUS. I don’t know what was funny of all of them. If you had been able to illustrate the fart in the chair, I might have laughed so hard to let one go myself.January 22, 2013 – 6:10 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Good point, I totally should have drawn my seventh grade self bending over! Thanks for visiting!January 22, 2013 – 6:21 pmReplyCancel

  • Anne Kimball - Love it love it love it.
    Nuff said.
    Nope.
    Needs one more.
    Love it!

    There now.
    Thanks for linking this awesomeness up with TALU!January 22, 2013 – 10:04 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - OMG Love YOU love you love YOU! thank you! 🙂January 22, 2013 – 11:32 pmReplyCancel

  • Debbie McCormick - nooooooooooo, LOL Oh my word. Love the illustration. Thanks for the giggles ans for linking up to TALU this week.January 23, 2013 – 12:37 amReplyCancel

    • admin - Thanks for hosting TALU! And thanks for the comment. 🙂January 23, 2013 – 9:47 amReplyCancel

  • MJM - I freaking love this blog…one of my all-time favs. You are my freaking blog idol…I hope to one day be just as good…and funny…as you.April 23, 2013 – 11:50 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi - I freaking love you for loving this blog and I had no clue that sharing it on FB would bring new comments. I was just trying to get in TT’s paper and stuff. Doh.April 24, 2013 – 12:28 amReplyCancel

  • [email protected] on Deranged - I give you mad props for fessing up to these things. When something embarrassing happens to me, I try to 1) block it from my memory, 2) scare all witnesses into never revealing what happened, and 3) pretend like it never did happen. Except the birth of my first child. I don’t think I can erase the embarrassment of apologizing to the doctor and nurses for being so much trouble. sigh…April 24, 2013 – 12:24 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Melissa! Would it help to know I peed on my doctor???? And I’m old. You’ll get there. Eventually, you’ll realize that life is just embarrassing. Not that I don’t still hid my secret blunders. It’s more that I know now that it’s too hard to even try.April 24, 2013 – 12:29 amReplyCancel

  • MJM - This really is a masterpiece…one of, if not the , best blogs I have ever read. I freaking love your sense of humor.April 24, 2013 – 12:31 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi - MJM
      You. Are. Awesome. For real. And sense of humor vs. stupid shit that really happened to me that I’m willing to talk about? Fine line my friend. Fine line.April 24, 2013 – 12:34 amReplyCancel

  • Rebecca Clark - You are fricken hilarious!! I have mental images that can never be erased !! LmaoApril 24, 2013 – 5:01 amReplyCancel

  • Michelle Liew - LOL! That first cartoon was a hilarious faux pas! Your cartoons should be turned into a series like the Simpsons!April 24, 2013 – 5:15 amReplyCancel

  • Muses from the deep - What a hilarious faux pas! Love that cartoon…you should start a tv series of them!April 24, 2013 – 5:18 amReplyCancel

  • Ms. Adventures - The Jerk! Epically-LOL. You’re a fabulous illustrator.April 24, 2013 – 5:19 amReplyCancel

  • The Sadder But Wiser Girl - Hee hee. They saw your butt. Now if you had been at Wal-mart. Now if only I had left this comment on the right post the first time. Stephanie and Janine are probably going “Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Who saw whose butt????”April 24, 2013 – 8:22 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi - OOH now I wish I’d been at Wallmart! And hahah that Stephanie and Janine are wondering what the hell is going on with butts! 😀April 24, 2013 – 10:23 amReplyCancel

  • Dysfunction junction - Too funny! I think you and I are living the same life just in two separate bodies in two separate places! 🙂
    Katie
    Dysfunction Junction.April 24, 2013 – 7:48 pmReplyCancel

  • Alicia D - I am laughing so hard right now – I’m totally bookmarking this and whenever I feel low, I am reading it! sorry, its at your expense and all… hey at least you have a great sense of humor about all of lifes embarrassing moments.

    still cracking up.

    I did the skirt jacked up in the back thing once too… though not tucked into pantyhose and I WAS thankfully wearing panties. It got caught on my pocket book so I walked down the public street for a few blocks with my butt hanging out. I was wonderin’ why those construction guys were staring….April 24, 2013 – 11:21 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Alicia,
      Laugh at my expense anytime you need to. That’s funny about walking down the street with your skirt stuck in your pocket book. I’m sure you made those construction guys’ days!April 25, 2013 – 8:05 amReplyCancel

  • Kerry Isaac-Rossow - OMG! I thought I was queen of embarrassing moments! These are fantastic!April 25, 2013 – 3:00 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - So glad you linked this one up on the Mom Lit party, since I hadn’t found you yet when this was originally posted. Oh, Kristi – I love that you have so many embarrassing stories and are not afraid to tell them!June 2, 2013 – 1:13 pmReplyCancel

  • Jen - Lady, this one takes the cake. Really really really. It couldn’t have happened to a funnier girl. At least you had something right on the money to write about!June 2, 2013 – 2:04 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - Dana,
    While I’m not sure that I love that I have so many embarrassing stories, but heck, why not share them!June 2, 2013 – 4:16 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - Jen,
    Sigh. The life I live so that others can laugh at me, huh?June 2, 2013 – 4:17 pmReplyCancel

  • The Shitastrophy - OMG! That is hysterical! If it makes you feel better I walked down my college campus with my skirt tucked into my tights – I got a lot of looks and didn’t notice until I saw my reflection in a window. But honestly loved all of the other ones you didn’t want to discuss either. You my friend are the owner of lots of Shitastrophy’s!June 2, 2013 – 11:28 pmReplyCancel

  • Katia - I am laughing out loud! This is hysterical. It happened to me. As in the dress thing. As in at work. As in until a male colleague pointed it out to me. Yup. You and I are so much a like. I’m that person who gets into embarrassing shit like that all the time and I’m never ever quick witted enough to think of something appropriate to say to cover up my shame (no pun intended). I loved the bit about your dad. I would have totally done the same thing!June 3, 2013 – 7:43 amReplyCancel

  • Diane Tolley - Bwahahahaha! (I’m laughing WITH you…)June 3, 2013 – 1:35 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - Katia! That this same thing happened to you at WORK makes me love you even more than I do. Freaking awesome that I am not alone. Oh and I didn’t say anything by the way. I just pulled my dress out of those annoying hose and carried on. With a lot more champagne. Or vodka.June 3, 2013 – 9:52 pmReplyCancel

  • Charm AndGlam - I remember Rachel from F.R.I.E.N.D.S = that one episode where she went to Barry and Mindy’s wedding. The same thing happened. 😀August 31, 2013 – 2:50 pmReplyCancel

  • Don - You have a really nice ass! Well, back then at least.November 14, 2013 – 5:52 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - Don,
    Sorry you missed out on the skank days.November 16, 2013 – 1:01 amReplyCancel

  • Jennifer Hall - So I was here reading your thankful post which pointed me to Tao of Poop which pointed me back here! DIDN’T YOU FEEL A DRAFT?? Oh my goodness!November 17, 2013 – 8:16 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - Jennifer,
    HAHA I did feel a draft! Thought it was my empty brain!!November 23, 2013 – 3:19 pmReplyCancel

  • Sarah @Thank You Honey - OMG! I always worry about that! OMG!October 2, 2014 – 7:51 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Well Sarah, let this be a reminder to check your butt when wearing hose! 😉October 4, 2014 – 1:08 pmReplyCancel

  • Chris Carter - Okay- I am in my SILENT house laughing so hard it is echoing through the entire house!! I can’t stop!!! Ohmygosh I can’t STOP!!!!!!!!!

    Still!!!

    Freaking HILARIOUS!!!!

    Still laughing.

    Can’t stop.

    Still.October 2, 2014 – 11:42 amReplyCancel

  • Meredith - Hilarious, and seriously? An hour?? That’s crazy, and all those people at that wedding are rude for not telling you! I totally would have.October 2, 2014 – 4:20 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I know! An hour! So mean of all those jerks. Thanks for saying you’d tell me!October 4, 2014 – 1:10 pmReplyCancel

  • Denise Scott Geelhart - OMG!!!! I’m dying over here! I’ve never done that, but feel for you. Wow.October 2, 2014 – 6:27 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi Rieger Campbell - Thank you so much!!April 24, 2013 – 12:03 pmReplyCancel

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