Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

“I Just Wanted Some Action,” she said. A Response to the Lenient Verdict of Rapist Brock Allen Turner

I found a boy behind a dumpster. He was drunk, floppy and adorable. He looked like a stuffed animal sitting there alone.  I went to him. I’d always wanted to know what it felt like to have a boy inside of me and thought that because we’d danced and kissed earlier, that maybe this was my chance. My mom said that most of the boys at school probably liked me but were too shy to say.

I hadn’t had much luck at the party, but had danced with him and kissed him. We had a connection, I knew it. One of my friends grabbed his butt while he danced and he laughed. I knew he liked that and this was my chance, away from her and the other annoying girls mugging on him.

After all, I just wanted some action. I was in college, a prized tennis star with Olympic hopes. I was hot – a lucky catch – with a promising future in front of me. College girls just wanna have fun, right?

I quieted my inner “Why don’t the boys like me,” remembering that this one had flirted with me earlier and now he was behind a dumpster alone. Obviously, a sign. He wanted me. Things were looking up. 

I sat next to him, put my arm around him. “Hi,” I said, and licked his neck. He tipped over into my lap and I knew that meant that he wanted more and so I lay him down. “Shhhh, never mind the dirt, you’re okay. Let me take care of you,” I said.

His head lolled to the left. I looked around, drunk myself thanking my lucky stars for this incredible opportunity.

“You want me Baby?” I asked. He moaned in pleasure so I took his pants down, pulled his shirt up, ripped off his boxers the way they did in sexy movies and I rolled him onto his stomach.

I pushed on his backside, rubbing him up and down the way I’d seen people have sex in porno movies do. I mean, sure, he wasn’t in a bed or on a couch like they were but we had privacy and he liked it. He was moaning. I rubbed his penis and chest in the dirt so that he’d get excited and be ready for me.

I massaged his back and he moaned again. I guess he was ready. 

I rolled him over to check, and he had an erection. I think he might have already come but he was still hard and into it.

Obviously, he wanted me. His penis was hard and he said yes with his arms. They reached up and so I lay down on him, making it easier for him to hold me. I held him back. He was drunk, and I was drunk.  I’m sure he said yes. 

Later, because he was a whiney dickhead who couldn’t keep our business to himself, we wound up in court with me answering ludicrous questions about that night. As if I could remember. I’d been playing tennis and going to class and whatever, it was just one drunken college night. No big deal. I didn’t even know his name.

“Did I ask?”

“Well of course I asked. I asked if I could turn him over and stimulate him with dirt and he said yes.”

“I’m not a monster,” I said. “I’m an Olympic Hopeful. Ask anybody about my tennis stats.” “Names weren’t exactly our priority,” I said. Chuckles from the jury and judge.

Girls will be girls, after all.

“Plus, we were dancing and kissing earlier in the evening. Ask anybody at the party. They saw us.”

The coach and my teachers confirmed that I was a good student, that I have huge promise. Students who had been at the party testified that they’d seen us dancing and kissing. My parents were involved in the school, it’s not like I was some loser scumbag. We’re a prominent family.

Also “look at how he was dressed,” my lawyer pointed out. The snickers in the courtroom were audible. He was dressed like a slut. Everybody knew he was asking for it.

“What’s the big deal, anyway?” I asked. “He was drunk, dressed way too cute to not mean business. I’m a tennis star. Don’t you know who I am? If he didn’t want some, he’d never have dressed that way, or danced with me or kissed me at the party. He was asking for it. Slut!”

They laughed, agreed that I was right, and my mom came to court to talk about how unfair it’d be if I were punished for “20 minutes of action” when I had such a bright future. I was an Olympic hopeful, after all and he was just some drunken frat boy with a guilty conscious.

Because people are paranoid and stupid, we did end up having to “talk about it further” because the boys in our society are stupid and dumbasses and they dress oh-so-cute and they flirt-oh-so-much. The boy came to court saying he didn’t consent, and I knew that he was embarrassed because I’d made the first move rather than him.

“Did you know his name?” they asked me. I laughed, because who cares? He didn’t know my name either and he obviously wanted it.

I told them I’m really having a hard time with all of this right now. It’s affected my tennis game so much I might have to quit and never go to the Olympics and I can’t sleep. I can’t believe what this boy is doing to my life. To my future and my family. He’s wrecking everything.

“Of course I wouldn’t have left you on the ground. We had something special. Quit being such a victim.” I said.

His dad came to court and talked about having to see photos of his son in a hospital gurney with his pants around his ankles and abrasions and dirt on his penis. My lawyer explained. “You can’t really pinpoint down the timing, the photos are after the fact and we can dismiss them.”

Assault? Are you kidding me? What girl assaults a boy? A bunch of redneck boys get behind one of their own and talk about the girl shouldn’t have worn such a cute dress that made it so easy to take off her panties. Well, quid pro quo, guys.

“But his penis had abrasions,” they said.

“He liked it,” I replied. 

“Do you have any parting words for the court?” they said.

I thought about it. About how drinking had messed up my night. “I guess I’ve learned the evils of alcohol,” I said. “I’ll have to be more careful about alcohol in the future.”

what if it was a drunk boy behind the dumpster

***

I do not normally write about news topics on this website. But tonight, as I lay in bed with my six-year-old son, I saw the details in this article about the rape case and lenient sentence that Brock Allen Turner received and I felt sick to my stomach. The above was written hoping to show the absurdity of college boys getting lenient sentences because a girl was drunk. I got lucky. In college, I was drunk more than once and did not wake on a gurney in a hospital wondering what happened to me. My mom never had to look at photos of me without my underpants on. Too many girls find themselves in similar situations and it’s time to MAKE IT STOP.

I realize that many boys are victims of sexual assault and promise I’m not trying to dismiss their experiences in any way. I do, however, believe that too often, crimes against women and girls around the world are blamed on the woman and the girls. I also believe that there’s a fundamental change that needs to happen in the mindset of cases like Brock Allen Turner – where some “inconvenient girl” is threatening his future when he likely has almost ruined hers. I think it’s the continuing message of athlete entitlement is one of the things about this case that most sickens me. It also sickens me that the rapist has only admitted to things like “I had too much to drink,” and has not expressed any remorse about the fact that he left a girl’s vagina with dirt and abrasions. THAT is the wrong part. Sure, drinking too much makes people stupid. But blaming rape on alcohol? NO. target

I promise to teach my son about No and about women and about respect. No means no.

If somebody’s unable to say no because he or she is too drunk, too tired, too whatever to say no, that means no, too.

Whether the above story comes from a college girl’s or a college boy’s perspective, it’s wrong and we all know so in our hearts.

I’m linking this up with Finish the Sentence Friday because I’m going to BlogU tomorrow and because the sentence is “When it comes to the news…”

Host: Me (Kristi) from Finding Ninee.

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  • Out One Ear - Yes we do. Absolutely! And I think that is where it starts. We MUST teach our boys that no means no. (And girls too.) Both genders need to respect the other. Boys must be reminded that this could happen to their sister or mother or aunt or friend and it should not be tolerated when their guy friends get out of line. Learn to be a stand up guy, and a stand up gal. Realize that 20 minutes of “supposed” fun can ruin a lot of lives. In this case, it was not fun. It was rape. Society needs to quit making excuses for these types of crimes.June 7, 2016 – 7:10 amReplyCancel

  • Dana - The whole thing makes me sick. The only positive thing to come from this is the opportunity to discuss it with our kids, and each other.June 7, 2016 – 7:27 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - The whole thing makes me sick too. I’m actually sort of shocked I published this but the victim’s statement to the court was heart wrenching.June 7, 2016 – 9:23 amReplyCancel

  • Ivy Walker - Boy, i dont even know what to write here except maybe ,well done , yes you’re right and thanks for writing this.June 7, 2016 – 7:45 amReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Woooo, that was hard to read over coffee & an English muffin. So many things to talk to our kids about….June 7, 2016 – 8:56 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kenya, I should have warned you and told you to read one of the last two posts instead.June 7, 2016 – 9:24 amReplyCancel

  • Emily - I thought this post was brilliant. I constantly talk to my boys about respecting women and girls and I pray the message is ingrained in their heads because I so agree – this must stop.June 7, 2016 – 9:17 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks Emily. I’m a little bit shocked I actually published this.June 7, 2016 – 9:24 amReplyCancel

      • Emily - I think it’s great that you did…sometimes we need to write about the things that matter, even if those topics don’t “fit” into our regular blogs or posts.June 7, 2016 – 9:27 amReplyCancel

        • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Emily. You’re right. We do need to write about what matters, even when it’s hard… thanks for the support and the reminder. <3June 7, 2016 – 9:44 amReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - Wow, Kristi. You have a set, woman. I’m pretty sure I was doing what you were doing last night at about the same time – reading all of this crap and just sitting here, mouth hanging open, thinking “what the hell is wrong with people?” It made me physically ill, really, and I had to turn off the computer and go to bed.
    I pray every day that when the time comes, my daughter finds herself in the company of men who were taught the things you talk about here. I pray that she makes choices that won’t put her in a place where she can’t say yes or no – think about the impulsivity factor of ADHD and the terror this parent has about the future where that is concerned. Why? Because been there done that. Maybe once again me having what she has is such a very good thing.
    I have some thoughts on this and I wasn’t going to hit publish on them, but I just might after seeing that you did. You inspire me more often than you know, my friend.June 7, 2016 – 9:47 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw thank you thank you thank you Lisa! It made me physically ill too which I guess is why I wrote this even though it’s not something I usually would publish here. But if not here, where? I hope you end up publishing your thoughts – I just read that there’s a petition to have the judge removed from the bench for this so it’s not just you and I who are outraged and disgusted. I know what you mean about your girl – I worry about the same for Tucker which is I guess what made me think about the whole thing from the other perspective. xoxoJune 7, 2016 – 10:08 amReplyCancel

  • Jena - I’m glad you’re Tucker’s mama.June 7, 2016 – 9:48 amReplyCancel

  • Julie - You captured the feel of entitlement really well with the twist of it being the girl who won’t have her future ruined because of action at a party. Bravo.June 7, 2016 – 10:23 amReplyCancel

  • Don - This is brilliant, my friend!

    The whole case is sad, but people need to wake up to what’s going on, especially on college campuses. I can’t even imagine the number of young women who NEVER say anything because they’re embarrassed or fear they will be humiliated by coming forward. The problem is that they’re right! They will be.

    It takes a really strong woman to go through with what this woman has. I really applaud her and wish I could give her a “great job” hug. I’d give you one too.June 7, 2016 – 10:43 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw shucks. I know women who have never said anything and you’re right they might be humiliated if they do and that SUCKS. Thanks for giving me a hug too.June 7, 2016 – 4:58 pmReplyCancel

  • Sara - Right on, Kristi. It sickens me too. I read her statement Sunday morning and it changed the tenor of the day. And then the father’s statement? Ugh. It makes me so angry. It’s not just about teaching no means no (which is a good thing to teach), but also that yes means yes. Ask for consent. Before every step, ask for consent.

    Hugs and write on!June 7, 2016 – 10:45 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I didn’t read her statement until I was putting Tucker to bed last night waiting for him to fall asleep and felt like the floor dropped out. And yes, ask for consent. Good good point and hugs back.June 7, 2016 – 5:03 pmReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - Kristi, all I can say is wow and love how you flipped and turned this around. Definitely would be interesting if the shoe were on the other foot so to speak. But still I know in my heart of hearts, you are an amazing mama that is teaching and will continue to teach your own son how to be nothing short of an amazing man someday. Hugs and definitely left me with more food for thought than you know.June 7, 2016 – 11:03 amReplyCancel

  • Nicki - Bravo, bravo Kristi!
    Thank you for your brave response to this horrific story. So so grateful to you and proud to call you my friend xoxoJune 7, 2016 – 11:41 amReplyCancel

  • Christine Carter - WHOA. Another powerful perspective on this horrific case. Kristi Rieger Campbell, this was as hard to read as many of the posts out there- but necessary. SO necessary.

    (I tried to post this to fb but it wouldn’t let me..?)June 7, 2016 – 11:42 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thank you Chris. I don’t know why it wouldn’t let you post it on FB. Maybe if you share from where I posted it? And thank you for wanting to post it on FB!!! I appreciate that!June 7, 2016 – 5:05 pmReplyCancel

  • Roshni AaMom - Thank you! If not anything else the role reversal just shows these people how ludicrous their thoughts are! The whole story and the number of adults enabling this young man is just sickening!June 7, 2016 – 10:55 pmReplyCancel

  • Abigail Zebrowski - Incredible, Kristi. I applaud you and your ‘rant’ which was SPOT ON!!! Thank you for this.June 8, 2016 – 12:37 amReplyCancel

  • Scott Hansen - Spot on.June 8, 2016 – 2:50 amReplyCancel

  • JT Walters - Do you know what happens to rapists in jail? He will be raped a thousand times bymurders who have Mothers, Sistersand Daughters. I finally read everything and you know I avoid news. He is out of the Ivy League. I will be surprised if he survives prison.June 8, 2016 – 3:42 amReplyCancel

  • Michelle Kantor Nahom - There are no excuses here. Drunk does not mean you can take advantage of the situation. I hope this makes people think…really and truly think. Just because someone has a bright future doesn’t mean that you excuse the behavior. But I feel like we excuse too many things in society today, in general, big and little. And when you excuse the little things, guess what follows? There is no accountability anymore. It makes me very sad.June 8, 2016 – 10:08 amReplyCancel

  • Layne - My daughter, never having spoken in the backseat of the car did one day. Many have found hope seeing the story. Feel free to share as you think.


    June 8, 2016 – 10:34 amReplyCancel

  • Tamara - What can I even say, other than MAKE IT STOP?
    And don’t ever MAKE IT STOP – now I’m talking about your writing.June 8, 2016 – 11:34 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, you… I know. Make it stop. For all of us. Sons, daughters, humans. xoJune 8, 2016 – 8:51 pmReplyCancel

  • Lizzi Lewis - 1) WOW! Awesomely, horrifically, wonderfully written.
    2) YES! We need all of EVERYONE to stop buying into a culture which encourages objectification rather than supporting the truth, that each person is a unique, feeling, worthwhile-because-human, BEING, who at least should be given dignity and respect until they forfeit the right to it through poor behaviour.
    3) Here’s to changing the world, one opened eye at a time.
    4) BRA-FUCKIN-VO!June 8, 2016 – 10:23 pmReplyCancel

  • Christine Carter - Here’s a new twist. Leave it to Kristi Rieger Campbell to create this very interesting perspective…June 10, 2016 – 3:46 amReplyCancel

  • Kerry - Wow Kristi. This was a take on the subject that I definitely wasn’t expecting, but well done for making your point and making us all think.
    I am speechless on this story. That shouldn’t happen, as a writer, but it has.
    🙁
    Actually, that’s not really true. I want to say something and then I think, meh, what’s the point. I feel blocked by my outrage. I feel trapped and drowning by frustration and in our environment of selfishness and arrogance. So many are so so kind and want to do the right thing, but then there are those (like the punk in this case) who feel so utterly entitled that they hurt people and can’t even see it.
    After all, if a man who is this close to becoming President refuses to take any accountability, why would some privileged, college athlete take any?
    I am just glad, if I can’t manage to put my messed up thoughts down in any sort of coherent manner, there are pieces of writing like this, like yours.June 10, 2016 – 9:28 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kerry,
      THANK YOU. I saw your comment while I was at a blogging conference and stepped to a private place to read yours and reply but then got sidetracked. This story disgusts me on so many levels. I understand feeling blocked by your outrage. I think many do and the ONLY reason I wrote about it was I was laying in bed next to Tucker while his breathing deepened, and I thought about how vulnerable HE is, and about this girl.. and it just came. Was a 10 minute rant post and yes, ugh you’re so right. Also you put your thoughts down really well.June 12, 2016 – 8:58 pmReplyCancel

  • My Inner Chick - Wonderfully written.
    No. More. Excuses.
    …for the abusers, murderers, & rapists.
    No. More.
    No F*ing More.

    xxxJune 13, 2016 – 7:54 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - NO MORE. You’re doing it. You’re educating. Helping. NO MORE. Love. Love wins.June 14, 2016 – 11:03 pmReplyCancel

  • yvonne Spence - Sorry that it’s taken me forever to comment on this post. I read it (as you know cos I tweeted it and added my link) and then I’ve had to deal with some family issues and other stuff, so didn’t get round to commenting.

    It is, as everyone has already said, such an impactful post. Turning it around this way does make the point so strongly.

    I absolutely agree with you that there needs to be a mindset change in people like Brock Turner, and I think what you say about educating boys is so important. I’m sure you will make a wonderful job of guiding Tucker to be sensitive and aware.June 14, 2016 – 5:51 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Yvonne, please never feel the need to apologize for the time it takes. I was at a Blog conference this weekend and have been focusing on IRL since the horrid news.. I think turning it around helps fuel the argument of how ridiculous his defense was. Because it was ridiculous. Here’s to educating boys… and the saddest part is that I’m years and years away from my boy even beginning to understand this type of lesson. He’s inviting his entire class to his birthday party because “he wants to make them happy.”June 14, 2016 – 11:06 pmReplyCancel

      • Yvonne - Kristi, it sounds to me that Tucker doesn’t need any lessons in respecting others and kindness. We could all learn from him instead. <3June 15, 2016 – 5:56 pmReplyCancel

  • Allie - I felt physically ill reading this. I was away when this news broke and hadn’t heard all the details. Where the hell is the Justice? What a sad, sad world.June 15, 2016 – 8:24 amReplyCancel

  • [email protected] - Incredible, Kristi. This shouldn’t sound any more absurd than the news story, and yet …

    I focus on the behavior not only of the boy, but of the boy’s dad. What in the world? That’s where the problem lies. Men and boys who see things this way. I still see it in my contemporaries, men that see things in such a twisted way that I don’t want to share a gender with them, or rather have a sub-gender.

    And the boys who found them, and chased this boy down. Those are the men we need more of. I wish they’d gotten there earlier, as a dad of three girls, yes, and also just a man in this world. The first boy should have helped her home. End of story.June 15, 2016 – 1:41 pmReplyCancel

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