Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

When I Was Young, I Knew Everything

Years ago, when I was still young enough to know pretty much everything but physics and chemistry because hello totally boring school subjects that were clearly meant for Other People, I was convinced that women my age were whiners. I remember a couple of nice women at work who would sit at our communal lunch table and talk about calories, coupons, and trying to fit a walk in between dinner, homework, and kids’ bedtimes.

In other words, they talked about stuff that didn’t have anything to do with early-20’s me.

I remember thinking how dumb they were when it came to the walk and calorie talk. I had it all figured out.

When I was young, I knew everything.

I used to know everything about exercising and everything else (like parenting).  Basically, on Thursday, to lose five pounds by Monday, one simply needed to skip dinner each night, go for a longer bike ride, and boom. Done. Once, when I had the guts to say to them that I had perfected the method for weight loss, and that maybe they should simply try not eating after 4pm, they shared a look between themselves, and mostly-gently told me that I’d understand when I was older.

They said things like “metabolism changes as you age.” And “one day, you’ll understand.” I rolled my eyes and continued to stuff my face with a burrito that I’d asked for extra sour cream on because well, everybody knows sour cream is the key to toning down the spice of the extra pork-green chili I’d also ordered.


Back then, I rode my bike to and from work each day because I didn’t yet have a car. Granted, if there was more than an inch or two of snow on the ground, I’d grudgingly ride the bus, but that was never ideal. It actually took longer to travel the route on the bus than it did on my bike. I also got hit by a car a couple of times, but that’s not the point of this particular story. I never really thought about riding my bike 30-ish miles each day as a form of exercise. I just did it. Sometimes, I went for extra-long bike rides on the weekends, too, just because it was fun.

Anyway, fast forward to now-me. Turns out, those bitches were right about metabolism slowing down when we age. They were right about the five pounds (or ten) being way more difficult to lose than skipping a few dinner meals was. While I concede that I no longer ride my bike to work, and that most of my exercising comes from playing chase with my four-year-old son, kegels, and bopping to music in the car, not eating past 4pm does nothing these days. Hardly eating anything at all does nothing these days, either.

These days, I can’t simply skimp on a few dinners beginning Thursday and lose five pounds by Monday. Nothing happens. Nothing. In fact, I tried it a few weeks back to look better for the Listen to Your Mother Show and gained ½ pound. It’s like my middle-aged body is getting back at me for being such an asshole to it all these years.

Now, in order to lose weight, I actually have to exercise, exercise. Not just kegels. Or butt crunches. I have to stuff my ginormous bouncing boobies into a straightjacket, slap on some ankle supports, and use the elliptical machines at the gym in the totally unfun way (as in, when your eyeballs are going around and around too fast to effectively read a magazine while ellipticalling).

When I actually do make it to the gym, I don’t mind the weight machines. Mostly because I can sit on one for 12 to 15 minutes before anybody realizes I’m not “resting between reps.” In other words, I really need to get my fatass back to the gym.

Sadly, my favorite form of exercise is to toss and turn, hoping to fall back asleep each morning before my son comes in to “sing me” his Wake-Up Song. Hopefully, I’ll be able to get re-motivated before BlogHer. Or, not.

What about you? What’s your favorite form of exercise?

This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday Post. Today’s sentence has been brought to you by the most excellent Allison Carter, of Go Dansker Mom. Please show her some extra love.

Your hosts:
Janine: Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic
Kate: Can I get another bottle of whine?
Stephanie: Mommy, for Real
Me (Kristi): 
Finding Ninee

  • Janine Huldie - I totally do remember those days and I really didn’t think my metabolism would change with age, but sadly it did and now just like you I have to work out in order to lose weight any weight and skipping meals definitely doesn’t do the trick anymore either.May 29, 2014 – 10:03 pmReplyCancel

  • Kelly L McKenzie - I don’t really have time to comment tonight. I’m off to the gym and then going for a bike ride followed by a swim which is topped off by a hike. In the dark. Up Grouse Mountain to the 3,200 foot level. I need to lose 10 lbs by Saturday. Wait. What? I’m not 20 anymore? Ouch.May 29, 2014 – 10:07 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Well, Kelly, all I’ve got to say to that is better you than me. But wait – does that work to lose 10 lbs by Saturday? Because I might be down with that.May 30, 2014 – 4:00 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - I just left you a rambling note on FB, so I’ll keep it brief. I think the key is Spanx and dim lighting. The end.May 29, 2014 – 10:07 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Spanx is HOT though. I only tried it once and decided I’d rather be lumpy and buldgy than fat and hot.May 30, 2014 – 4:02 pmReplyCancel

  • allison - I actually think most of my life problems are solved with more sour cream! & oh so impressed that you have the strength to skip meals. I talk a big game then snarf down potato chips at 10pm.
    Great post, as always!May 29, 2014 – 10:12 pmReplyCancel

  • Anna Fitfunner - Wait? What? You mean that I can’t lose weight by thinking about exercising? I actually HAVE to exercise? A LOT? And I have to exercise MORE as I get older? This is fundamentally unfair. I demand that something be done about this!!!!

    (Kristi: funny as always! I wish my post was as humorous; but it’s about Best Buddies…)May 29, 2014 – 10:20 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Anna,
      Sucks, right? And so not fair. Sigh.
      Also, Best Buddies sounds AWESOME. I can’t wait for Tucker to peddle correctly so we can do it!May 30, 2014 – 4:05 pmReplyCancel

  • Allie - You are preaching to the choir. The mystery of aging metabolism will drive me insane until my very last day!May 29, 2014 – 10:20 pmReplyCancel

  • Echo - Well, this metabolism thing has never worked right for me, so I have always been fat. My favorite form of exercise? Chewing and parenting.May 29, 2014 – 10:46 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Here’s to chewing and parenting. Actually, the parenting part really is good exercise. Unless you’re sitting on the couch eating gummy bears while your kid has a snack like I’m maybe doing right now…May 30, 2014 – 5:03 pmReplyCancel

  • Lizzi Rogers - What’s a Kegel?

    …what’s a metabolism?

    Nah. I assume I have one, somewhere. I’m LOVING pilates though. I am learning just how much I’m strong around the edges and jelly in the middle (yay!). And running, I do NOT love, though I love what it used to do for me, back when I could do it without my knee turning into screaming agony. And netball with friends is awesome.

    Eating less is working out as a …maintenance thing. Mostly because in between not eating, I eat cookies and cake *facepalm*May 30, 2014 – 6:14 amReplyCancel

  • karen - I think my metabolism stopped working when I graduated high school…seriously, it’s been a battle ever since. I used to hate exercising, but I always did cardio…now doing strength training, I LOVE IT…want to get stronger, not skinny.May 30, 2014 – 8:12 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Here’s to getting stronger rather than skinny, Karen! Such a healthier thing!May 30, 2014 – 5:03 pmReplyCancel

  • christine - Wow, you were an ass. 😉
    There’s just no time! Driving children hither and yon takes all of the time. And clearly I can’t play with them anymore without causing serious injury to myself. When they are all old enough to be in school, I’m heading to the gym! No, really. I’m going to. Probably.May 30, 2014 – 8:14 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - HAHA! I guess I was an ass. I didn’t mean to be one though, so I have that going for me, I guess. Your poor knee. Crutches are good exercise though right? And hey, I broke my hand in three places falling from a cot that was as tall as my Ugg boot, so um, yeah.
      We keep our gym membership with the best of intentions. Sigh.May 30, 2014 – 5:05 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - Middle Age metabolism sucks!!! For me it’s the opposite, though – I can kill myself working out and lose hardly anything. I have to REALLY watch what I eat to lose any weight – like eat nothing but air for a week and I might lose 2 pounds. This is tough because I love to eat and I have no willpower. I also worry A LOT about what I am doing in front of my daughters – I don’t want to constantly be saying “Mommy’s on a diet” or “Mommy’s trying to lose weight” because I don’t want them to grow up thinking they have to be skinny to be pretty or acceptable. All I can say is God Bless Spanx and sorry for this rant!May 30, 2014 – 8:53 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I think it’s great that you’re so mindful about what you say in front of your daughters. I know of a five year old girl who has asked her mom if she’s fat, and that’s just sad (she’s not fat at all). I only wore spanx once and found them to be so HOT that I just let it all hang out. Sigh.May 30, 2014 – 5:11 pmReplyCancel

  • Sarah - You speak the truth. But at least you have boobs. Mine are gone, and I have a tummy so I’m basically shapeless. And need to lose five pounds.May 30, 2014 – 9:19 amReplyCancel

  • Kerri - Damn turning 40!!! How can I be flat chested yet now sag? How come having popcorn for dinner is now enough to gain me a pouch? It is so unfair that life bites us in the ass. When we are finally old enough to appreciate our bodies they abandon us!May 30, 2014 – 9:42 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Sigh to sagging and being flat chested, Kerri. My boobs are too big. You’re so right – finally old enough to appreciate them and boom. They make it harder.May 30, 2014 – 5:27 pmReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth - Metabolism. Menopause. Wham! What I used to do Does. Not. Work. Anymore.

    I do WW points (kind of slidey, though, probably could tighten that up a bit).

    I do Pilates 3 days a week for muscles. I am getting lovely muscles everywhere!

    Unfortunately, the muscles are hidden under a layer of fat that WILL NOT BUDGE. :-/

    Starting June 1 I am doing a personally-inflicted 30 days of cardio challenge.

    I am going to do 30 minutes of cardio – any kind – every day. Walk, ride a bike, go the gym, whatever as long as I get 30 minutes in.

    Fat beware …May 30, 2014 – 1:22 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Elizabeth, the 30-minute 30-day cardio challenge sounds awesome! What a great idea! It’s just plain sad that it’s so much harder to lose fat than it used to be. Sigh.May 30, 2014 – 5:28 pmReplyCancel

  • Wendy Besel Hahn - We must be twins separated at birth. Damn, karma’s a bitch! (or poetic justice or whatever you want to call it) Pilates is where it’s at though. I’ve never done an exercise that involves contorting to a hobby horse and rolling on my back until now. May 30, 2014 – 1:26 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - My favorite form of exercise (besides ice-cream eating, which I hate to brag but I’m very good at) is playing tennis. I love the sport and even compete on a team, but guess what? So far this season, I’ve lost both my matches to women who were likely 10-15 years younger than me. All I know is when we got off the court, I was sweating profusely and my hair looked like I stuck my finger in a socket. I’m not sure these women even broke a sweat at all. Then I was told by one of the tennis pros watching me play that maybe I had to work on my stamina. I told him to f-off. 🙂May 30, 2014 – 1:36 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - A skill such as being very good at ice cream eating should totally be bragged about Emily! That’s a bummer those young whippersnappers (is there a word I could use that would make me seem even older? I don’t think so) beat you at tennis. Good for you for telling that fool of a coach to f-off!May 30, 2014 – 8:11 pmReplyCancel

  • Joy Christi - My favorite form of exercise? 12 oz curls, wherein I LIFT a beer can to my fat mouth, slowly let it down, and repeat. It’s awesome! After enough of those curls, I don’t give a damn about how I look in a bathing suit!May 30, 2014 – 1:47 pmReplyCancel

  • Drun Kenman - My favorite form of exercise is 12oz curls. May 30, 2014 – 2:16 pmReplyCancel

  • JenKehl - My Skewed View - LOL! You are so totally right it SUCKS! Man, I am on a hardcore diet, really hardcore. Before I got married, even met my husband, I did it to be more healthy, I lost 20 pounds and looked awesome.
    Same diet 16 years later, I have lost 18 pounds and have 20 to go! I can’t even tell I lost the weight, my bra is still too tight, people aren’t sure if I’m pregnant or not, and that thing that hangs under my chin begging to become a waddle, isn’t going anywhere. Ah….middleage, how I loathe you!May 30, 2014 – 2:44 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Dude! That’s awesome you’ve lost 18 pounds though! That’s a TON!! And yeah, I am loathing middle age as well. Sigh.May 30, 2014 – 8:13 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - Just walking in the woods or dog park for me.
    I have to tell you that I think that way. I was thinking that exact thought yesterday – that losing weight is so easy right now and will it always be this way?
    My father was a bean pole until his death and he could eat anything. He died at 36, though. It’s possible the metabolism would have slowed. His father was always a bean pole too, though.
    Who knows?
    Ask me again in a few years.May 30, 2014 – 4:34 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Well of course, gorgeous. Figured as much. 😉
      I hope you’re always a bean pole. Because it’s harder to be one and then not be one and then be one and then not and then try to and get it and then try to and not be able to get beyond fat bug body. Promise.May 31, 2014 – 11:20 pmReplyCancel

  • Bianca @ Rant Rave Crave - this totally reminds me of my sister. She’s ALWAYS been a skinny minny & would brag about how she could eat a dozen cupcakes & nothing would happen to her. She told me that a lot of girls would tell her “One day your fat is gonna catch up with you” and she just told them to shut up. They were right!
    I really don’t like schlepping to the gym either unless it’s for yoga or Zumba where I feel like I’m not working out when I really am if that makes sense.May 30, 2014 – 4:51 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - It’s really sick of me to be happy that her fat caught up with her, right??? OOOPS I mean, that sucks.May 31, 2014 – 11:22 pmReplyCancel

      • Bianca @ Rant Rave Crave - LOL! Not at all! 😉June 1, 2014 – 12:34 amReplyCancel

  • Marcia @ Menopausal Mother - Oh yes….now you’re speaking the language of my people. Exercise, diet, GAIN a pound. WTF is that all about? Just today I was thinking how much rounder my face is getting…but then I told myself it’s a good thing because plump faces hide wrinkles,,,,amiright?May 30, 2014 – 10:17 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - EXACTLY WTF Marcia??? It’s just RUDE really that this is how it is. But totally plump faces hide wrinkles. I think I’m going to go hit the chips and salsa (my healthy snack compared to Doritos and cheese). .May 31, 2014 – 11:54 pmReplyCancel

  • Uplifting Families - I remember riding my bike a ton when I was a teenager. Of course, that was before I turned 16 and had a car. I could ride for miles just because it was fun and got me from point a to b. Now I couldn’t ride a bike to save my life.May 30, 2014 – 10:48 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I had to ride a bike even when I was early 20’s because no car but I know what you mean. It sounds fun now, but it’s not…May 31, 2014 – 11:57 pmReplyCancel

  • Yvonne - I loved your description of yourself when you were younger. So funny, and so vivid. I could really imagine it. And wow to you cycling 30 miles a day. I thought I had it tough for a while when I did about 16 or so.
    I am pretty much the opposite of you regarding weight though. When I was in my teens I was obsessed with my weight and convinced I was overweight. (I wasn’t.) I was constantly trying to diet. I did get plump for a couple of years, and then I went away to college where I lived in student accommodation with meals provided – and no vending machines full of snacks. Not sure why, maybe it was not wanting to look like a pig in front of other students, but I lost weight. So I concluded that this was my “natural weight” and figured that everyone had a natural weight they would revert to with a reasonable diet. Not saying this is true, but it certainly helped me then!
    Maybe I’m just lucky, but I am post-menopause and have not seen any slowing down of my metabolism. I walk every day, but it’s like your cycling – it’s just fitted into the day. Mostly it’s thinking time!May 31, 2014 – 5:53 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Isn’t it funny how weight is so obsessive at different ages? I find that my givingashit about it comes and goes…and, as I age and it’s harder to control, that I care less, sigh.June 1, 2014 – 12:29 amReplyCancel

  • Rea - I’m 25 and married with one kid. People always tell me I’m lucky because no matter what I eat, I don’t get big or fat at all. And I do eat a lot although that doesn’t mean I don’t skip meals too. Haha. I work at night and it’s just easier to forgo food than sleep. I’d rather sleep to be awake at night for work. Now since you mentioned that you’ve proven metabolism does change as we age, I ought to listen to you! And start exercising now. 🙂May 31, 2014 – 8:28 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Nah, do what you do and just be nice to yourself when you’re my age if doing what you do now no longer works. It very well might and likely will!June 1, 2014 – 12:30 amReplyCancel

  • Mytwicebakedpotato - I remember thinking it was weird and gross that my mother’s thighs touched- not rub- just touch. I remember eating Weight Watchers frozen desserts and going to meetings and all the time she kept saying “someday” when I have her any smack talk.
    Well hello Someday! Ugh!!!June 1, 2014 – 12:53 amReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Yep! I had group of ladies I used to work with who would say “Just wait” to me. I was like – whatever. I could eat a whole sleeve of girl scout cookies at my desk and then go out to lunch and stuff myself. Sigh. I remember one time I borrowed a ball gown from someone. It was a little hard to zip up in the back and a little snug in the hips. All I had to do was cut back for a week. Like bring my own lunch and no whole sleeves of anything. I didn’t even exercise back then, and I got in that dress. It wasn’t even something I stressed about – like having a plan B. I knew I’d be able to wear it.

    If I had to pick a favorite form of exercise it would be walking, but looking at the same neighborhood over and over again gets old. AND you really have to walk a million miles a day to make any difference.

    Yeah I hate exercising.June 1, 2014 – 1:16 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kenya, regarding the dress – I know- it was SO much easier to lose weight back then! UGH. I thought a month ago that surely I’d be at least five pounds down by now. Nope. I’m not. Sigh.June 1, 2014 – 6:26 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa C Cadigan - I like running and yoga. But I don’t do enough of either. And too much of anything becomes work, and I am more into fun than work, because life is far to short to spend working more than I want to. So, in short, I do not have an answer for you – I can only commiserate and continue to buy larger bras and pants.June 1, 2014 – 2:21 pmReplyCancel

  • April - Considering I do it every night, I wish tossing and turning was an exercise. I always know when I got really good sleep when my covers were left where I put them, and that hasn’t happened for a while! wish our metabolism didn’t change, but I really wonder if it’s our lack of desire at 30 to ride our bike across town, and not our metabolism? Granted, I’m still not riding my bike, it’s just a thought.June 1, 2014 – 6:12 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Hm… maybe you’re onto something about no longer finding it fun to ride a bike across town. Hadn’t thought about it like that!June 1, 2014 – 6:28 pmReplyCancel

  • Deb @ Urban Moo Cow - Remember when I wrote that post “Fast Forward Twenty Years” about exercising in front of 20 somethings at the gym where I work? Yeah. That. And this. Sigh. love you. xoxoJune 3, 2014 – 9:11 amReplyCancel

  • Michelle AKA Crumpets and Bollocks - My body is a rebel apparently. When I was in high school, I couldn’t lose weight at all. Then I went to college and took a fitness swimming class and did cheerleading, and I lost all kinds of weight. I slowly kept losing weight from that, like it bumped my metabolism to keep losing even though I stopped working out. Then I gained muscle weight in the military (I weighed 170 wearing a size 4). Then I had kids, and that messed up the metabolism. After having kid 2, I started taking Hydroxycut with Hoodia for energy, and I slowly lost the weight, got pregnant again, repeat. Then I got too skinny thanks to stress/sleep deprivation and migraines, and I couldn’t gain weight if my life depended on it. A year later I was finally back up to a size 3/5, my happy place, and then I went to the hospital. In one week I gained 20 pounds and that kick started the metabolism to gain weight. I can’t flip it back now because I’m assuming I’m just old. And they stopped selling Hydroxycut with Hoodia. So basically, I have lots of clothes I can’t wear and have been stealing from the husband’s wardrobe. I’m still losing weight easier than I did in high school, so it makes no sense to me.June 4, 2014 – 11:46 amReplyCancel

  • Misty - lol. my absolute favorite form of exercise is changing the tv channel via the uber handy remote control! i do think you can loose weight by switching to caffeine free sprite, never eating anything with sugar or snack friendly foods, and having four peanut butter and crackers for lunch every day instead of chips and little debbies. oh! and you must switch to satisfries at burger king, they rock!June 6, 2014 – 12:25 pmReplyCancel

  • Nina - Word to this. I have finally started walking again after accepting that all the barre and yoga classes in the world might be relaxing, toning, and even fun . . . but I had to be doing some cardio. Blech.June 8, 2014 – 9:11 amReplyCancel

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