Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

My Proudest Moments and Pssst – We Have Wings

Late at night, when all I hear is the humming of my house and the silent moon in the window, it would be easy to think about the things that I regret. Not saving more money when I could have, buying this house in a seller’s market, procrastinating the scheduling of doctors and dentists and cleaning and clearing. The pile of papers on the side of my desk that I’m tempted to toss without looking through because whatever is in there hasn’t been needed for months and probably never will be. Unless it is, and so the pile stays.

It would be easy to think of the not doing enough and the not being enough. About not taking better care of my things and of myself.

About the broken bowl from Sweden that is just a broken bowl even though it feels like proof that I laughed and wandered there.

It would be easy to find worry and regret in the shadows and the silence. So easy to cry over the fact that it’s supposed to snow tomorrow, when I thought we were done with winter and an entryway cluttered with puffy jackets and dirty mittens.

But tonight, instead of doing easy and thinking about all of those things, I will remember the moments in my past that I am most proud of.

The moments in which I’ve felt that I have wings.Rather than worry, I will know that I have wings. FindingNinee.com

The day that I said yes to moving 1700 miles away from the life I’d built to make a new home with my dog and a promotion.

The day when I went back to college after running out of money, leaving, and deciding that I didn’t need it anyway. The day that I got my diploma, later than the ones my friends received, and it meaning so much more because of it.

The time when I walked steadily away from a relationship that made me afraid of the barely recognizable girl in the mirror.

That 3:00am conversation in the dark when, with tears and hope, I said “This isn’t going to work if you don’t want to have a baby.” That he said yes.

My baby was so much better than my dream. FindingNinee.com

The second that my newborn son was handed to me and I held him, skin to skin against my chest. The tears in my husband’s eyes and our future in my little boy’s.

My dreams of sharing words with my baby boy. That I rebuilt them and learned to embrace the irony that words will likely be a lifelong challenge for him. That it’s okay that they remain a lifeline for me.

The IEP meeting when I didn’t cry, or get upset, and instead called upon the grace and the wisdom from other special needs parents I’d met and hadn’t met but had been where I was then. That I released my little boy into mainstream kindergarten, knowing that he just might fly. Knowing that if he fell, it would not be the end of the world and we’d have another meeting and readjust. Being okay with that. I’m proud of that.

Wings, that carry me to the always and to the next, and to the knowing that while I feel like I’m falling and flapping, that I’m gliding.

Wings, that will take me from gliding, and soar me up once again, even when I feel like nesting.

Wings, that will carry my son to his own next.

Wings, that will carry me to know that his own next, without me, is okay.

Wings. Pssst. We have them.

We will fly. We are flying.

***

This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post, where writers and bloggers link up their words to a weekly prompt. This week’s is “My proudest moment was…”
I am your happy host (Kristi from findingninee.com) and proud that this week’s cohosts are Tarana Khan (this week’s sentence thinker upper) from sandinmytoes.tk and Kerri Ames of undiagnosedbutokay.com.

ALSO – The idea for this post was born from a writing practices group that I’ve been participating in for the past couple of weeks. I learned about it from Dana, who learned about it from Nicki, and I love it. The group’s mastermind is Jena Schwartz and I do not have the words to tell you how powerful it’s been to be a part of a secret small group that sets a timer for 10 minutes and writes. Seriously, it’s been empowering and amazing. For more information, or to join one of Jena’s groups, click here.

 

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  • Kelly L McKenzie - Yes. Here’s to endless, endless pairs of wings. And soaring.March 19, 2015 – 10:07 pmReplyCancel

  • Allie - Wow girl, this was amazing. Beautiful! Inspirational. May we all have wings so that we can fly. And I’m intrigued by the writing group you mentioned.March 19, 2015 – 10:08 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Allie, may we always always have wings to fly. And check out Jena’s group. I’ve signed up again for May um something. End of May. I’d LOVE for you to be in that same group. It’s really empowering and amazing and I can’t even really say why. Maybe the privacy of it? That you can just write for 10 minutes and post it there and the trolls and the haters are not there and that it’s 100% support… I dunno. Call me tomorrow and we’ll talk about it.March 19, 2015 – 10:33 pmReplyCancel

  • don - You have much to be proud of, Kristi! You didn’t even include what I’m sure is a lovely rack for goodness’ sake. Lol. What??

    Anyway, you probably pulled this from your ass last minute, and it’s thoughtful and wonderful, as always. Great job.March 19, 2015 – 10:08 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I knew I was leaving something out! I’m proud of my rack! What.
      xo and thanks, Sweets.March 20, 2015 – 1:41 pmReplyCancel

  • Christine Organ - So beautiful. Sometimes it’s hard to remind ourselves of how strong and brave we really are when we get caught in the minutiae of the day, but it’s so wonderful when we can take a minute to remember all the times we really did fly.March 19, 2015 – 10:10 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - It’s SO hard to remember how strong and brave we are. Until we get a whiff of it, and do. Thanks, Christine.March 20, 2015 – 11:09 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - I love your analogy of feeling proud to having wings…it makes sense! Sometimes it’s so hard to feel proud of ourselves, especially when faced with parenting challenges, work challenges, and life challenges, but if you can continually remember that you have wings that give you strength and the ability to feel like you can fly then yes, that is a proud moment indeed!March 19, 2015 – 10:21 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks huge for getting it, Emily. Sometimes, when I post these more obscure things, I wonder if I’m just being ridiculous. So thank you.March 20, 2015 – 11:10 pmReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - Love the ending more of Han you know and truly agree we all do have wings for when we need them and least expect to need or use them.March 20, 2015 – 2:09 amReplyCancel

  • Dana - I am so glad that you are loving the writing group! I got chills reading this today – good chills. It was this:

    “My dreams of sharing words with my baby boy. That I rebuilt them and learned to embrace the irony that words will likely be a lifelong challenge for him. That it’s okay that they remain a lifeline for me.”

    I wonder how many people refuse to rebuild their dreams, and how much happiness eludes them because of that.March 20, 2015 – 8:07 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I am so loving the writing group, Dana. Thank you for writing about it so that I could find it and join. It’s been inspiring and amazing. A lot of what I’ve written, I’ll never post but I think that’s part of the power of it. And some of what I’ve written has given me ideas like Wings for this post. Good point about wondering how many people don’t rebuild their dreams… xoMarch 21, 2015 – 2:42 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - This is beautiful, Kristi! (I want to do that writing group – I WILL do that writing group – but right now I am so overwhelmed with life that I simply cannot add one more thing. )

    I’m sure you are probably not a fan of country music, but your post reminded me of this song. I think it’s lovely and the lat line of the chorus is “You can learn to fly on your way down.”

    https://youtu.be/KfDr_7LN-EwMarch 20, 2015 – 1:08 pmReplyCancel

    • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - Holy crap, that’s big!! Feel free to delete if it too much. I had no idea it would show up that way. March 20, 2015 – 1:09 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Lisa, I’m really glad you shared this song. I like it. I used to not be a fan of country music at all but my husband likes it and there are some songs I now love. I’m going to load this one on my phone so that I can listen to it in the car – truly, thanks for sharing. And you’ll love the writing group when you decide to do it. It’s awesome.March 21, 2015 – 2:45 pmReplyCancel

  • Denise G. - Beautiful! 🙂March 20, 2015 – 2:32 pmReplyCancel

  • Anna Fitfunner - Interesting pivot: you have plenty of negatives in your past, but choose (in this post, at least) to dwell on the positives. That’s a powerful choice that you’ve made. I can understand why that choice makes you feel like you have wings.March 20, 2015 – 2:51 pmReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth - You make me think of Rosemary Clooney and Bing Crosby! 🙂March 20, 2015 – 3:24 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - That’s so so kind Elizabeth! Your comment made me smile HUGE. Thank you.March 21, 2015 – 4:23 pmReplyCancel

  • Considerer - “The second that my newborn son was handed to me and I held him, skin to skin against my chest. The tears in my husband’s eyes and our future in my little boy’s.”

    That’s everything. No wonder you fly 🙂March 20, 2015 – 6:01 pmReplyCancel

  • Nicki - Oh those wings. And the silent moon. Flying… on your words of inspiration and strength. <3March 20, 2015 – 6:50 pmReplyCancel

  • Ruchira Khanna - I agree with you Kristi. Life sure has ways to make us filled with gratitude esp with the choices we made, thus making us proud of how we are today.

    Your latter part about wings gave me goose bumps
    xoxoMarch 20, 2015 – 8:44 pmReplyCancel

  • Echo - Tears…
    Streaming down…
    Seriously, this was beautiful, Kristi!March 20, 2015 – 11:11 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - You are just gorgeous. All of this is gorgeous and those are some pretty darn proud-worthy moments. My post looks a lot like this, funny enough, because I can’t pick a favorite anything ever. 😀
    And this sentence: The pile of papers on the side of my desk that I’m tempted to toss without looking through because whatever is in there hasn’t been needed for months and probably never will be. Unless it is, and so the pile stays.
    That is exactly why my desk in the office is covered in crap and not where I’m sitting now to type.March 20, 2015 – 11:51 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I loved your post Lisa and thought it was so cool that ours are so similar! Awesome proud moments. I’m glad that you can relate to the pile of papers on the side of the desk, too. Sigh.March 21, 2015 – 4:25 pmReplyCancel

  • Marcia @ Menopausal Mother - Absolutely perfect, beautifully written post. The last sentence gave me goose bumps.March 21, 2015 – 12:14 amReplyCancel

  • Valerie Newman - The more thankful we are, the higher our wings can take us. Namaste.March 21, 2015 – 1:56 amReplyCancel

  • Lisa Moskowitz Sadikman - This is gorgeous Kristi. You DO have so much to be proud of and so much more is coming, I know it! I love the image of Tucker with wings that will carry him to his own “next.” And that we can all fly? Well, that’s just plain magic.March 21, 2015 – 4:29 amReplyCancel

  • Out One Ear - You definitely have wings. And you definitely fly. High. I’m so glad you do.March 21, 2015 – 5:01 amReplyCancel

  • Scott - Love this one, Kristi. Keep on flying. Your wings just keep getting stronger.March 21, 2015 – 10:25 amReplyCancel

  • Chris Carter - Oh this is just so beautiful… you always have a way of pulling me in with your words, and then lifting me up. You have such a gift in doing just that.

    Here’s to the things that we celebrate in our lives… THOSE are the moments that matter most. I love yours, by the way. <3March 21, 2015 – 12:50 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thank you so much Chris! And I agree – here’s to celebrating the moments in our lives that matter!March 21, 2015 – 10:43 pmReplyCancel

  • Tarana Khan - Thank you for sharing these beautiful moments! We clearly have wings, else how would we get through the times we need so much strength to go through?March 21, 2015 – 3:19 pmReplyCancel

  • Sandy - I’m going to remember this post the next time I am lying awake swaddled in woulda, shoulda, coulda. Those are the worst moments. I like the idea of remembering the priceless and wonderful moments and imagining the great things still to come. Thank you, Kristi. This is such a beautiful reminder!March 21, 2015 – 9:24 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Argh to the lying awake in the woulda, coulda, shoulda… YAY to being reminded that we are doing it. We are, ya know?March 21, 2015 – 11:15 pmReplyCancel

  • Galit Breen - This is just so lovely and so important. I adore your approach and your mantra hereabout choosing to focus on the times you had wings? Well that’s just pure perfection. LOVE this.March 22, 2015 – 8:43 amReplyCancel

  • Meredith - I love this. I tend to think of all the negative things at night as I lie in bed, and this was just beautiful.March 22, 2015 – 10:41 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Ugh to the negative thinking while in bed at night. What is that, anyway? And thank you so much!March 22, 2015 – 11:13 amReplyCancel

  • Sarah - So beautiful! You are stronger then you think!March 23, 2015 – 11:47 amReplyCancel

  • Tamara - I totally left a video in a comment on my own blog and it was huge, but enjoyable!
    My favorite song ever is “Learning to Fly” but he says we don’t have wings, and I think we do. I really do.
    For everything you listed and everything I’m mentally listing. And more.March 23, 2015 – 5:42 pmReplyCancel

  • My Inner Chick - —–Kristi,
    when I click here, read your sweet words, insights, & wisdom….

    ….my wings flutter & fluff up.

    xxxxMarch 24, 2015 – 6:26 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerri - Oh my friend, you fly so high on those wings!!!March 25, 2015 – 10:25 amReplyCancel

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