Is it possible to let go of being sad or upset about a big something, a little something, one of those I’m-sure-I-got-screwed-in-there-somehow something? Asking for a friend, and for all of humanity, and yes, I’m asking for myself, too.
I’m sad and tired and upset, maybe more than ever. No, that’s not really true. I’ve been more sad and more tired and more upset countless times.
Most of the times I’ve been upset have been personal.
Early Intervention and doctors evaluations. Hearing “I’ll say it now… this is not just a speech delay.”
The phone call on a Sunday afternoon to hear of a failed or successful suicide. That sometimes, for some people, suicide seems like the only choice left.
A kid being mean to your sweet, shy son on the bus, or at school.
A dried booger on the bathroom wall.
A failed relationship that once meant everything.
Not being able to stop it when somebody you used to love no longer knows you, or you them. When there’s nothing to do to fix it.
The very best of the good moments are personal, too.
Hearing “I love you,” from somebody other than family because family “has to” but other people saying it means they see us, know us, and love us anyway.
Hearing an unborn baby’s heartbeat. More vast than the ocean.
Seeing his unborn baby face.
Holding a newborn baby for the very first time.
Holding your newborn baby for the very first time.
Smelling his bald babyhead that’s like no other smell in the world.
Seeing his baby features in his face today, seven and a half years later.
Hearing him say “guess what?” when once, you wondered whether he’d ever speak.
Seeing yourself, already and finally.
Friends who have known us more than half of our lives.
Unexpected life paths that end up being just right.
Being seen, and being okay with that, even though being seen makes us uncomfortable.
Making fun of ourselves for crappy self care that maybe just isn’t so crappy after all.
The liminal moments, when the world stands still and is quiet, even the tick-tick of the clock.
When we forget that we don’t enjoy playing and play.
The best good moments are greater than the worst. At least, they are for me.
These days, checking Facebook makes me feel like we’re all always upset. We say “It hasn’t even been a month!” and wonder how this is ever going to get better. How we’re ever going to get better with the type of people in charge who are supposed to lead us and protect us and instead endanger us. Threaten our children’s educations.
Threaten what this country was built upon.
We have Facebook, though, and just like that, we’re no longer upset all alone.
We’re upset, together. And that gives us the strength to resist. To march. To make phone calls even when we don’t like talking on the phone, especially to strangers.
We remember that it was people who were upset that gave women the right to vote. It was upset people who made owning other humans illegal. Sad and angry people reminded the rest of humanity that love is love, and that God loves gay people. It was upset people who made sure kids with special needs have the least-restrictive environment. Can attend school with their typical peers.
Upset people change the world, over and over again.
So maybe, letting go of being sad or upset about a big something, a little something, one of those I’m-sure-I-got-screwed-in-there-somehow something isn’t necessary. Maybe, holding onto it and doing something about it matters more.
This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post. This week’s sentence is “When I’m upset, I…”
(or “I get really upset by…”)