Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

Caillou: He’s just a kid who sucks

I know that I am not the first to say that Caillou sucks. Tucker’s been watching the show again and I noticed something last night that was mildly disturbing to say the least.

Caillou and his sister Rosy were in the tub together. Obviously, two little kids taking a bath together is totally not disturbing and probably even fun. What was disturbing was that Caillou had no nipples. None. And I’m positive that he DID actually have nipples in another episode I have seen. Creepy.  Because where did they go?

Caillou Tweet no nipples

Also. He’s four. And bald. Why is he bald? He’s whiny and annoying.

Therefore, I made you a little song. Be warned. I am the worst singer on the planet. Well. Scratch that. Caillou’s voice is way more annoying than mine and also more annoying than fingernails on a chalkboard.

Presenting (drum roll) (ear plugs) the original, never-before seen video of newly released music created and sung by yours truly:
Caillou: He’s just a kid who sucks!
Note: It’s quite possible that there are less-than family friendly words in the video.


What? Jen (the mastermind behind this Twisted Mixed Tape Tuesday thang) said this week was a “Dealer’s Choice.” I chose to deal out some crappy singing and diss on Caillou and his missing nipples. Plus, there’s totally a song here. Well, almost, anyway. Happy Tuesday!

Here are the bloopers. I tried to do this last night but spent like 2 hours trying to upload a video from my phone to youtube before I realized that you can record directly. Doh. Also, Robert totally messed a couple of them up. He should have been locked in another room…

P.S. I pretty much can’t believe that I’m actually hitting “Publish”

  • don - Best mix tape Tuesday offering ever!!!

    While I think I would recognize his face, our kids have never gotten into Caillou or whatever his name is. I guess G$ could technically still turn to the dark side, but I’ll do my best now to steer him towards Scooby Doo like his older siblings.

    Oh, and whatever you drank or smoked to do this?? Please??November 5, 2013 – 12:23 pmReplyCancel

  • Dream - I’m so glad my son is past the Caillou (and Barney, and The Wiggles) stage. Now if I could just get him over the Spongebob Squarepants phase…November 5, 2013 – 12:24 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerri - What is more creepy than your singing is that you not only noticed that he had no nipples you are pretty sure he had nipples in another episode.

    You need a Calliou (what the hell kind of name is that!) intervention: go to the fridge, take out the bottle of wine, pour a glass and drink. Repeat 6 times and the image of his nipple-less body will be scrubbed from your mind.

    Now if only your singing…..November 5, 2013 – 12:46 pmReplyCancel

  • Considerer - *laughing too hard to comment*November 5, 2013 – 1:04 pmReplyCancel

  • Laura - OMG, that was absolutely priceless!!!November 5, 2013 – 1:09 pmReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - No words and just made me that much more happy that my girls have never been into Caillou, but huge props on your video. Seriously classic!! 🙂November 5, 2013 – 1:28 pmReplyCancel

  • Deb @ Urban Moo Cow - I’m obsessed with this post mainly because I got to see you sort of in person!!!!!!!November 5, 2013 – 2:20 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - I am cracking up and I haven’t even clicked the video. You didn’t say what your singing was rated and Christopher just got home so I have to wait. LOL!!! Seriously you just made my evening more exciting.November 5, 2013 – 2:35 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - Total, utter perfection. I started giggling way before you started. I think this needs to go viral. Yesterday.November 5, 2013 – 2:44 pmReplyCancel

  • Lori Lavender Luz - Now I miss you even more.

    And? When you visit?

    KARAOKE!!November 5, 2013 – 2:48 pmReplyCancel

  • Jean - I’m so happy to see YOU! Also, this was such a creative idea for a song offering. And of course I agree with you.November 5, 2013 – 3:25 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - Your theme song is soooo much better than the original! Calliou is creepy, that’s all there is to it.November 5, 2013 – 3:29 pmReplyCancel

  • clark - (old Wayne and Garth)

    “I am not worthy! I am not worthy” damn! not sure if I am more impressed by the libretto or the captivating performance… I would insert some smiling and laughing icons here, but I do not have the internetal skills.

    may I repeat damn (and a lol).November 5, 2013 – 6:05 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Coughing/laughing nowNovember 5, 2013 – 6:11 pmReplyCancel

  • JenKehl - My Skewed View - And the Grammy for best Original Screw You Song goes tooo……. KRISTI CAMPBELL!!!!
    Holy Crap do I love you for this! How long have you been singing that in your head?! I am so glad Isaiah’s Caillou stage lasted 5 minutes, because I COMPLETELY agree!!!! I hope this post goes viral! MWAH! TTTx10 plus infinity!November 5, 2013 – 7:07 pmReplyCancel

  • Rachel - Will you PLEASE sing this song to me in person?November 5, 2013 – 8:20 pmReplyCancel

  • Georgie Lee - I can’t stand Caillou. His voice makes me want to rip my ears off.November 5, 2013 – 8:59 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - I have several things to say about this post, so bear with me:
    First, I’m so happy I got to hear your voice and oddly enough, it’s exactly how I imagined it would sound. (If you want to imagine mine, just think Long Island drawl, not quite as bad as Fran Drescher in The Nanny, but it’s pretty bad…sorry if you thought I sounded British although for some reason my mom sounded British!)
    Second, you are one brave mama, singing in a video. Good for you. MUCH braver than me. Did you drink beforehand? I’d have to be at least two wine glasses in before singing on camera.
    And third, I am thankful that my kids stopped watching little kid TV a few years ago so that I was able to miss the Caillou craze. However, I was subjected to Teletubbies and well, I’ve said this before, but whoever made Teletubbies was definitely stoned. No question about it. I will take your word for it that Caillou is a kid who sucks, because I totally trust your opinion on many things…:)November 5, 2013 – 9:14 pmReplyCancel

  • christine - I am so glad you hit “Publish”. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’m on the fence about my excitement to hear your voice. On one hand, I love to hear the voices of my blog friends, but on the other…well…your singing… 🙂

    Kidding! You sound great!November 5, 2013 – 9:31 pmReplyCancel

  • Stephanie @ Mommy, for Real. - Bwahaha!!! He is TOTALLY a douche and a twit. That was the biggest smile of my day. Brilliant idea. We should totally record that. 🙂 Oh, and I love seeing you on a vlog! Do it again! You are so charming!November 5, 2013 – 10:17 pmReplyCancel

  • Rich Rumple - Okay, so I posted in the wrong spot! lol Check it out above!November 5, 2013 – 11:05 pmReplyCancel

  • Sarah Almond - BAHAHA! I love you Kristi!!!!November 6, 2013 – 12:18 amReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth @ Rocks, No Salt Mommy - Quite possibly my favorite thing ever. Can’t stop laughing. My husband will love this. He HATES Caillou. What is it about that kid?? He really gets on everyone’s nerves. And what the hell is he bald?? It’s so weird. Distinct possibility this could turn up on the Humor page of Margarita Mommies tomorrow…November 6, 2013 – 12:39 amReplyCancel

  • Considerer - OMG! I thought this couldn’t get better, and then you made it ABILLION times better. You total legend. LOVE it 😀November 6, 2013 – 1:48 amReplyCancel

  • Richard Rumple - Kristi – What in the hell have you been smoking, sister?????? lol That’s hilarious, especially when hubby makes his comments! I’m not even going to go into details about the song, but it is funny how it’s so much easier for you to type F**k than to say it! You got balls, sis! You got balls! 🙂November 6, 2013 – 4:04 amReplyCancel

  • Rebecca Wood - Awesome! I love it! 🙂 🙂
    November 6, 2013 – 5:09 amReplyCancel

  • Joy @ i can say mama - I LOVE to see you “in person” (aka on video) and I love your little song! xoxo

    Oh, and your outtakes are even better than the song!! Hahaha!November 6, 2013 – 7:16 amReplyCancel

  • Katia - I love seeing you in person too, that’s fantastic! Also you’re a badass! In the best possible way! Love it! And the nipple part, HA!!! That’s brilliant. Where DID they go?November 6, 2013 – 9:09 amReplyCancel

  • Kelly @ Dysfunctionally Functional - I laughed so hard, but what (literally) made me pee my pants was where you flipped Caillou not just one, but TWO birds!! Fucking priceless! You’re brilliant, Kristi. ♥ (My kids never watched Caillou — thank you, God — so I cannot speak with any authority as to his nipple situation.)November 6, 2013 – 9:32 amReplyCancel

  • Deb @ Urban Moo Cow - Ha! I like the 3rd outtake the best. Hilarious.November 6, 2013 – 10:34 amReplyCancel

  • Sarah Rudell Beach - I heart you 🙂November 6, 2013 – 11:14 amReplyCancel

  • Slu - Now, this was a trip worth taking!!! Thanks for the smiles, SluNovember 6, 2013 – 2:29 pmReplyCancel

  • Beth Teliho - I want whatever you’re smokin’!!!! ROFLMAO over here…omg…THAT is sooo funny! I cannot believe you made a song about that douche and TAPED IT!!! I bow down to your hilarity!! Love you even more, if that’s possible. 🙂

    more ear worm:

    toilet paper, light bulbs, socks for Rosey, crayons….November 6, 2013 – 7:29 pmReplyCancel

  • Angel The Alien - HAHa! Caillou represents all that is wrong in the world! He’s such a naughty boy! And his parents are like, “Oh hello Caillou, are you setting fire to the curtains? Somebody needs a hug!”November 6, 2013 – 9:26 pmReplyCancel

  • Jen Atlas - Ah, kristi, I miss you and your mouth that spouts whatever you are thinking. Props for this song…glad my boys love trucks and not bald, nipple-free freaks. Hugs from Mile High.November 6, 2013 – 9:49 pmReplyCancel

  • Jessica - OMG. LOVE! This is hilarious, and awesome.

    Joshua isn’t allowed to watch Caillou anymore. He went through a phase where he watched it a lot and he was SO whiny. Now, he watches Octonauts and we talk about how cool sea creatures are. Much better!

    I was thinking about recording Josh singing this week for my MixTape. I may have to do that one week. I would never subject anyone to my own singing, though. Not unless I was very, very drunk. 🙂November 7, 2013 – 12:15 amReplyCancel

  • Louise - OMG – Can you do Dora next?


    Yeah – we are at this stage of life. And you wanna know one of the OTHER really annoying things about this show.

    It’s a French show. We’re in Canada. In one of the parts with a large French population. We’re a bloody half French family (not me – I’m the bloody Brit descendant) and trying to get our daughter to watch more French TV. But the TV only has Caillou in English.

    A part of me dies when this show is on to begin with. Another part dies when I realize we aren’t even getting the marginal benefit of exposing her to the dominant language. Sigh.

    As for the song – LOVE IT.

    Serious, though. Dora next. Or Max and Ruby. I’m kinda torn.November 7, 2013 – 9:37 pmReplyCancel

  • Cindy - The Reedster Speaks - I love that you sang! Caillou does suck, on so so many levels.November 10, 2013 – 9:55 pmReplyCancel

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