Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

I did something really stupid once…

This week’s sentence to finish is “I did something really stupid once…”  Talk about a perfect topic.  Except, well, “once?”  How am I supposed to tell you about something stupid I did once when the prevailing theme of my life (and therefore Finding Ninee’s) is “I did something stupid AGAIN?”

Luckily, I was able to power through and think of some stupid shit I’ve done that I haven’t yet shared with you.  I took a laxative in Mexico.  One that was purchased in Mexico, so the package was in Spanish.  I don’t speak Spanish.  I think they were actually engineered for horses.  Or elephants.  I was desperate.  I had that “I haven’t pooped in five days” traveling thing going on.  I can wholeheartedly let you know that they did, in fact, work.  So there’s that.

ElephantLaxitaves

They weren’t in fact the same as the ones I had at home.  Not at all. 

Bano

How about every time I try to “trim” my own bangs?  Every single time, I promise myself that I will start with a tiny chunk and work my way up until I achieve the desired length.  And every single time, I cut them too short and make myself promise myself that I will never again cut my own damn bangs.

DumbassCutsHerBangs

But today’s main story is about the time that I turned 40.  I was feeling old, ugly and overly wrinkled and decided to give Botox a try.  Don’t judge.  Anyway, I’d been telling my husband for a couple of weeks that all I wanted to do was go to the beach for my birthday.  Instead, he surprised me and booked the trip he wanted to take.  Which was staying in some crappy cabins in the Shenandoah Valley.*

When we got there, it wasn’t the beach.  First problem.  Second problem?  A six-inch centipede bug-thing on the wall.  That was a pleasant birthday surprise.  Lovely that I could kill it and still obsess about its many, many friends wanting to crawl on me all night.

Before my shoe:

Centipede

And after:

CentipedeAfter

We did go out for a nice dinner, enjoyed some live music and some wine.  The next morning, I woke up and had a mild but tight, warm-feeling rash on the side of my face.  After berating Robert about the crappy pillowcases and telling him they must use really cheap dryer sheets, we headed out for breakfast and Benadryl.  My face felt better pretty quickly so we decided to check out some local attractions.  We had a nice day and at about 3:00, I noticed the inside of my arm now had a rash.  We stopped for some cortisone cream and that night I slept on his t-shirt over my pillowcase.

It wasn’t until the next day that it occurred to me that I’d just had poison injected INTO MY FACE and that, being as I’ve got sensitive skin and am allergic to just about everything, that, uh…maybe it was the Botox?  Secret searches on my phone (because there was no way I was gonna tell Robert that I’d even had Botox much less that my continued rashes weren’t his fault for not booking a nicer place on the beach) confirmed that my traveling body rashes could be a side effect.

The moral?  Botox is poison and I’m jealous as hell if you’re not allergic to it.  And if your spouse wants to go to the beach on her 40th birthday?  Take her to the beach or everything that goes wrong during the entire trip will be your fault.  Forever.

Finish the Sentence Friday is hosted by:

Dawn’s Disaster (Twitter, Facebook)

*NOTE:  Before you go hating on the hubs, know that I did agree to go to the Shenandoah Valley as we never got the beach stuff figured out and had already booked a trip to the Dominican Republic for later in the year.  Plus, I still occasionally give him shit about this so he probably would be really sad if you did, too.  Oh!  And, he votes for Finding Ninee EVERY SINGLE DAY.

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  • Stephanie @ Mommy, for real. - First of all, know why we’re friends? Because in our FTSF “stupid thing I did post” you use the word “dumbass” and I use the word “A-Hole.” 😀

    Also, does your husband really vote for you every day? Man, he kicks ass.

    Also, the “Laxatives Elefante” made me laugh hysterically. The other pictures were pretty awesome, too. I am all too familiar with the travel-I-haven’t-pooped-for-five-days phenomenon. I would have taken it, too.

    And the Botox? Dude, that totally sucks.

    Look at you- linking up the night before! Love it!March 15, 2013 – 12:13 amReplyCancel

    • admin - Wow, do you win a prize for being first commenter? ‘Cause you SO should. And love that we’re both dumbasses AND a-holes. Takes a special kind of special for that shiza.

      No. he doesn’t vote for me every day. He sucks.

      I know! I’ve been working on a FITL post for like DAYS and I hate it. This one? 15 minutes. Weird.March 15, 2013 – 12:20 amReplyCancel

  • Kate Hall - I can’t believe you didn’t tell your husband you got Botox. LOL! What’d he say when you finally told him? And you poor thing on the Mexico trip – the pictures are awesome! It’s amazing how good you are at coming up with a picture to match/enhance the story.March 15, 2013 – 1:12 amReplyCancel

    • admin - Kate, I didn’t tell him for so long that I’m not sure he’s ever made the connection. We’ll see if he says anything after reading this. 😀March 15, 2013 – 7:20 amReplyCancel

  • Considerer - Hehehehe your poor husband! Love your pictures.March 15, 2013 – 5:25 amReplyCancel

    • admin - Thanks, Considerer!March 15, 2013 – 7:21 amReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - LOL to ALL. You did good to SQUASH the centipede. I would have had to sleep somewhere else. Not quite the same thing but I took a motion sickness pill boarding a flight from Hawaii to Japan. I thought I’d sleep the whole time. The flight was delayed and I was in the airport dragging my feet and the luggage. It was awful.March 15, 2013 – 6:37 amReplyCancel

    • admin - Ugh I hate bugs. I’m glad I’m not alone there. And you poor thing about the motion sickness pill – what an awful flight that must have been. I took a Tylenol PM pill on a flight from US to Greece and then never slept…so I can relate a little bit.March 15, 2013 – 7:22 amReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - I so would have never let my husband live that trip down. For my 30th, it was supposed to be a surprise party, but half the family got deathly ill (his side) and that was oh so fun. Yeah, not going to venture what my 40th will bring. Oh and the botox good to know and will keep that in mind if I ever get adventurous!! Thanks as always for linking up and god how I love your drawings!! 🙂March 15, 2013 – 7:32 amReplyCancel

    • admin - Thanks so much, Janine! That sucks that half the family got so ill at the time of your 30th! Boo 🙁March 15, 2013 – 8:08 amReplyCancel

  • Julie DeNeen - Wow. The pictures are priceless. I can’t believe you did Botox. I would be scared shitless to try that. LOLMarch 15, 2013 – 8:13 amReplyCancel

    • admin - My wrinkles made me desperate. 😀March 15, 2013 – 8:17 amReplyCancel

  • Joy - Hahaha, your drawings kill me!! And don’t get me started on the elephant laxative!!

    And girl, who told you that you needed BOTOX?? You don’t!! I am sorry you had those side effects so hopefully you will stay away from it. You are beautiful without Botox, sister! xoMarch 15, 2013 – 9:18 amReplyCancel

    • admin - Aw, Joy! You are so sweet. If you saw my eyes up close you’d see why I wanted to try Botox. A mistake, but worth a shot. Blah. And thank you! <3
      So glad you are BACK!March 15, 2013 – 6:04 pmReplyCancel

  • Chris at Hye Thyme Cafe - Both of those stories sound like the makings of a terrible trip! I was expecting you to say that the rash was from one of the creepy-crawlers. My Mom got stung by some sort of caterpillar once and had problems with that site for a few YEARS!! Loved your drawings. 🙂March 15, 2013 – 11:35 amReplyCancel

    • admin - Oh wow, maybe the rash was from a creepy crawler! If that were the case, maybe I’m NOT allergic to Botox! Whee! Er, probably not. It traveled over my body sporadically for the three months it’s supposed to last. Sigh.
      Thanks for the comment!March 15, 2013 – 6:06 pmReplyCancel

  • christine - Your husband couldn’t tell that you had tried Botox? I’m thinking that would have annoyed me the most. Maybe?
    I’ve never been to Mexico, but if you aren’t supposed to drink the water, I would venture to guess you shouldn’t try their medication, either. 🙂
    Very funny!March 15, 2013 – 11:45 amReplyCancel

    • admin - NO! He didn’t notice at ALL. I like to think it’s because he doesn’t see my wrinkles. 😉
      And yeah, lesson learned on the Mexican Meds.March 15, 2013 – 6:06 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - I don’t know why but even though I’m not participating in this week’s link-up, I just knew I couldn’t miss yours! 🙂 Anyway, the closer I inch towards 50, the more tempted I am to try Botox…I still haven’t, but I feel like the minority amongst my less-wrinkled friends. Your story has convinced me to hold out, until I can’t stand looking like a perpetually angry mom anymore. Oh and as always, your pictures were just fantastically funny!!March 15, 2013 – 12:47 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Emily,
      Botox works for a lot of people. I think the key is to get a small amount only or else you’ll have those funky looking eyebrows that go all the way to your hairline on the outsides.
      And I’m SO HAPPY that you wanted to come visit my FTSF. You’re awesome. Totally.March 15, 2013 – 6:08 pmReplyCancel

  • Meredith - Oh gosh, I am dying over the Botox situation, but I was rolling already when I read about the laxative. I have so many poop incidents, far TOO many for a gal of my age–you are a lady after my heart, and you are hysterical!March 15, 2013 – 4:17 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Thanks so much Meredith! Yeah, pooping and travel don’t always love one another. Glad to hear I’m not the only poop-incident person out there 🙂March 15, 2013 – 6:09 pmReplyCancel

  • Alexa (katbiggie) - I am starting to understand why this group of people has all found each other online!!! Oh my gosh. Too freakin funny!March 15, 2013 – 6:26 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - So glad that you joined us! 🙂March 15, 2013 – 9:42 pmReplyCancel

  • clark - very funny post… not dumb that I can see (that may be saying as much about me as you)… but OTC remedies should sorta be the same. In fact, as you imply that it is a given that drinking water in certain countries can result in certain unpleasantries,… it is only logical to assume their laxatives would be weaker *not* stronger than those found in countries where the water has fewer activie ingredients!.March 15, 2013 – 9:14 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Clark! Thank you for the logic factor! Duh that laxatives should be weaker rather than stronger in Mexico than in the US. With that said, I’ve NEVER (knock on wood) had a problem with water in Mexico. Or lettuce or the other stuff they wash with water. Go figure.March 15, 2013 – 9:45 pmReplyCancel

  • Jean Heff - I don’t know if I should be ashamed of this or not but I think the smeared centipede is hilarious. I want to hang it up at work to make me laugh when I get stressed. OK, that might be weird.March 15, 2013 – 9:23 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Hehehe! Yeah, maybe a little weird, but life is short. Do what makes you happy and as stress-free as possible. 🙂March 16, 2013 – 10:19 amReplyCancel

  • Mama Meerkat - Ugh, those centipedes are the worst! I basically live in the woods, so I have them in my house. (Lest anyone think I am a creepy bug lady, around here there are called “house centipedes” because they are jerks and live in everyone’s houses.) Giant, fast moving, feathery centipedes just should not be allowed. My solution? Cats. Now I just occasionally find small piles or legs or piles of puke filled with legs, which I find preferable to the live version.March 15, 2013 – 10:27 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - I heard somebody call one a “house caterpillar” once and was like WTF? This shit will NEVER turn into a butterfly! DUH. I’d have cats except I’m totally allergic 🙁
      Don’t blame you that you prefer to find their body parts laying around. I would too!March 15, 2013 – 10:56 pmReplyCancel

  • Dawn - LOVE IT! I have not had the bathroom issue while on vacation, mostly because I don’t actually GO on vacations, but I will make a note to NOT use elephant laxatives if I should ever run into the problem. Thanks for linking up this week!March 16, 2013 – 4:59 pmReplyCancel

  • Maggie Amada - LOVE THIS! I was laughing pretty hard at the bangs. That happened to me a couple of times and your husband is a definite keeper. It’s pretty hard to remember to vote every day. Thanks for another great post. 🙂March 16, 2013 – 6:54 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - Why is it we don’t learn when it comes to our bangs?? Thanks for the awesome comment. And the supercool tweet! 🙂March 16, 2013 – 6:59 pmReplyCancel

  • Rachel - Confession: I took a PRESCRIPTION strength laxative in Equador. I was really that desperate (I can’t believe I just wrote that here, but misery loves company). I’ve cut my bangs before too — with a similar result. So you’re not alone, dumbass! But, seriously, every week you roll with these prompts. It’s great.March 17, 2013 – 2:26 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - OMG a prescription laxative? In Equador? You are brave. Funny that you had similar results when cutting your bangs. Glad I’m not alone 🙂
      And thank you!March 17, 2013 – 2:42 pmReplyCancel

  • [email protected] - lol. so glad to find someone who has strange allergic reactions, too! wonder if you can take medications on planes these days? if we ever make a trip out of the country i’m going to need to take a first aid kit with me! don’t want to share in your laxative experience!March 19, 2013 – 9:07 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - OMG me too! So glad I’m not alone! Do you carry epi-pens? I have them for my 3yo too which SUCKS 🙁
      And yeah, just wait ’til you get home to poop. Much better, I promise…March 19, 2013 – 11:41 pmReplyCancel

  • Jen - he he he. you so pretty just the way you are. no more rat poison for you!March 21, 2013 – 11:59 pmReplyCancel

    • admin - BAH. I need the rat poison. Ugly, here. Weep.March 22, 2013 – 12:04 amReplyCancel

  • Emily - Loved this post the first time around and loved it again…it’s funny because just today I was discussing Botox with an old high school friend. We got together for lunch because our 30-year high school reunion is coming up in a few weeks and we wanted to see each other before hand. We both have never tried Botox and yet most of our friends have and we wondered if we should try it for our 30th…after reading your post, I’m going to give it another Pass! Thanks for the laughs – again!June 3, 2013 – 10:36 pmReplyCancel

  • Rachel G - Oh man, that is not fun at all! Husbands do need to listen to key facts like that….June 4, 2013 – 7:13 amReplyCancel

  • Kelly Louise - That’s it, as soon as I get back from my work trip I have to scour your site. Too funny and I loved the illustrations.June 4, 2013 – 7:42 amReplyCancel

  • Julie Chenell DeNeen - Ohhhh dearrrr. I’m trying not to laugh, but I’m laughing!!!June 4, 2013 – 8:26 amReplyCancel

  • Dana - I’ve contemplated Botox, but I never even considered that I might have an allergic reaction. I guess I’ll just stick with the wrinkles. And the fact that you do stupid things makes me love you even more.June 4, 2013 – 11:27 amReplyCancel

  • Terrye - LMAO! My last trip to Mexico, it was 105 degrees. After the ‘class’ we had to take from the Navy before we traveled across the border, I was afraid to put anything in my mouth. I almost died of dehydration before we got back to San Diego. 🙂

    Hubby learned a LONG time ago, if I wanna go somewhere, he damn well better be happy about it (or pretend to be) or I’ll make his life a living hell on earth until *I’M* happy. 😉

    Great share and thank you for linking up!June 4, 2013 – 12:04 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - Emily,
    Botox works for a lot of people – just not me. It can look really bad sometimes, too. Scary crazy permanently raised eyebrows and stuff.
    —-
    Rachel,
    They do indeed need to listen to us more!
    —-
    Julie,
    It’s okay to laugh at me. I’m pretty dumb and laughable.
    —-
    Dana,
    Thanks for loving stupid old me!
    —-
    Terrye,
    Yes to US being happy. The hubs rarely choose the right vacation. Ha to not eating anything on your trip to Mexico!June 4, 2013 – 1:22 pmReplyCancel

  • Mary-andering Creatively - Funny. LOL I am laughing off my Kindle. I hate my auto correct.June 4, 2013 – 4:27 pmReplyCancel

  • Sandra - Well, you’ve had your fill of stuff. Never thought that yoy could be alleric to botox. Does locking your car keys in the car with your toddler and the air conditioning on count as dumb-ass? Cuz, I’m right there.June 4, 2013 – 9:48 pmReplyCancel

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