Finding Ninee » Sharing our special needs and autism story through heart and humor.

    I might need meds

    Sometimes, I get sad and cry for no reason. This morning, after dropping Tucker off at school, I stopped by the grocery store to stock up on chicken fingers since that’s one of the 11 foods he’ll actually eat. As I was walking back to the car, I almost started crying in the parking lot.

    I have no idea why.
    And that’s not even the “I might be a psycho who should be medicated” part. My brain was totally grooving on being sad.

    Because once I became sad for no reason, my meanass brain starting coming up with of all sorts of things that are actually sad.

    Some were simple and quick worries like whether Tucker will grow up to be like the speech-impaired challenged guy whose job it is to herd the grocery carts.

    Others involved twisted imagined scenarios of my untimely death and wondering whether Tucker would remember me.

    And then I got really annoyed and mad at myself for being so stupid and coming up with these ridiculous, unfounded sad thoughts.

    I went home.  Crying.

    And then I spent four hours drawing these really bad pictures and I feel much better now.
      Still, I think I might need meds.

     

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    • Love&Giggles - I go through this often as well. Our worlds have changed so much since the little ones and its hard to find a place. I’m no longer the old me but many of my friends are still the same and I’m not ready to meet new ones. I don’t have many people who relate to my situation. It’s hard. I LOVE MY KIDS MORE THEN ANYTHING but have fantasys of living in cool places without responsibility or them and when I think about them not being in my life I cry. I cry because I never have time for myself. It’s life. It’s good to cry sometimes!November 29, 2012 – 3:47 pmReplyCancel

      • admin - You’re right. It is good to cry sometimes. At least you know why you’re crying! Seriously I totally started tearing up after buying chicken fingers there I was, strolling through the grocery parking lot and BOOM. Tears. WTF? Thanks huge for sharing!! And you should totally meet new friends in similar situations. I’m really trying to meet the moms of Tucker’s classmates, but sometimes it’s hard. Everybody’s so busy. Plus, I think they might run away if I just walk up and say “hi! wanna be my friend?”November 29, 2012 – 5:37 pmReplyCancel

    • Joy - Well, most of the times I do not become sad without a reason. But I can cry over EVERYTHING! A song on the radio, a nice gesture of a stranger (and even if I only hear about it and am not affected personally at all!), cute animals, you name it… I am such a wimp! :-))November 30, 2012 – 9:08 amReplyCancel

    • Jennifer - LOL this might be the funniest thing I’ve seen my whole life! And I love the drawings! They’re not stupid they’re really good. You could do them as a job. I mean it you could be a funny illustrator. Well I guess you are already but they’re so good. I laughed so hard. And don’t be sad ok.December 1, 2012 – 9:13 pmReplyCancel

    • Anne Kimball - Haha! I love you calling yourself a dumbass. Too funny.

      Such words of relatable truth in this post, though. How many times have I gotten all teary when I can’t quite figure out why?

      ANyway, thanks for linking up with the TALU!December 4, 2012 – 11:03 amReplyCancel

      • admin - Thanks for doing TALU! And thanks for the comment :)December 4, 2012 – 11:19 amReplyCancel

    • Kenya G. Johnson - Well I have to giggle at the happy face at the end. I want to tell you that I do the same thing to myself. I don’t know why. As if we don’t have enough to do, we gotta “go there”. My mom’s 60th birthday is next Wednesday. Mine is the next day and my son is the day after that. I really want to go home and surprise her. But guess where I went with my thought. What if something happened to my on the highway and I ruined everyone’s birthday. Every year that I wasn’t hear on their birthdays will be a reminder. Isn’t the STUPID. I hate when I do stuff like that AND that I let it keep me from being spontaneous like going to see my mom 4.5 away and surprise her and drive back on my birthday in time to be here for my sons birthday. What it probably really boils down to is that I am going to be 42 and I don’t know how to feel about that. Can you draw me some faces? I’m on a roll.

      I think you’re normal girl. This is one of those times that the doctor would give you the smirk. Blame it on the relentless hormones.December 4, 2012 – 11:39 amReplyCancel

      • admin - I’d love to draw you some faces! And I think it’s really funny that we’re all of us so crazy. Not driving to your moms for everybody’s birthdays because if you die on the trip, birthdays are ruined forever is something I’d think up! Love it! Thanks for the comment. And 42 is totally still in the game. I’m 44. With a 3 year old. Ya. Really.December 4, 2012 – 11:45 amReplyCancel

        • Kenya G. Johnson - LOL, mine is about to turn 8. I thought I was the ya really ;-)December 4, 2012 – 12:04 pmReplyCancel

          • admin - I find that I redefine many people’s ideas of “ya really” with all of my ridiculousness. Me being worse off makes my friends feel better all the time. Glad being a wrinkled old mom made you feel better! :)December 4, 2012 – 12:18 pmReplyCancel

    • Deb - awwwww- I do hope you are feeling uplifted. I get sad at times too…for no reason. I hate it. Cute pictures – and that may have been what you needed as a creative outlet to make you feel better. :) ( TALU)December 4, 2012 – 12:26 pmReplyCancel

      • admin - Thanks Deb for coming by (love TALU by the way – awesome of you all to host it). Feeling much better. I think laughing at the one that said “dumbass” helped the most.
        Maybe ALL women get sad for no reason. We’re weird. And wonderful.December 4, 2012 – 12:40 pmReplyCancel

    • Kate Hall - Hey, you’re drawing me too! I love this. Amazing what focusing on something completely creative can do for our psyches. TALUDecember 4, 2012 – 5:53 pmReplyCancel

      • admin - Hi Kate, thanks for coming by and for the comment! You’re right, doing anything creative can completely change the day. Even drawing really bad pictures!December 4, 2012 – 7:09 pmReplyCancel

    • jillsmo - I like how you only have boobs in one of the pictures.

      What, did I miss the point?December 5, 2012 – 12:05 amReplyCancel

      • admin - They are folded in on themselves with sadness.December 5, 2012 – 12:10 amReplyCancel

    • Actually Mummy... - Thanks for joining in with Wot So Funee? :)December 10, 2012 – 4:54 pmReplyCancel

    • Jen - Dude. This was so me. Although I really needed the meds :-) I was so sure that something bad would happen and there would be no one to take care of Isaiah who knew HOW to take care of Isaiah. As another blogger mommy put it, us mom’s are basically “The Keepers of All Knowledge”. That can be kinda scary when your kid needs someone special.March 14, 2013 – 11:50 pmReplyCancel

      • admin - OMG you so nailed it. NOBODY knows HOW to take care of any of our kids. They just don’t. Which is why we hope we die last, I guess….March 14, 2013 – 11:55 pmReplyCancel

    • Tea - I think I kind of love you, even if you are a dumbass. Probably especially because of that, actually. I’m a master at sad for no reason and jerk brain making it worse thoughts, so we’re practically twins.April 10, 2013 – 3:33 pmReplyCancel

      • admin - I just got back from reading your post on being mostly right at your own mind games and so yeah, I’m pretty sure we are indeed twins.April 10, 2013 – 10:28 pmReplyCancel

    • Melissa S. - Oh, honey. Been there, done that. I’ve been on depression meds off and on throughout the years, so PPD wasn’t the only reason I’m on them again now. In my BK (before kids) life, I would be at work and have to hide in the bathroom because I literally could not physically stop the crying. Even now, on a down day, I have to just go sit in the bathroom, hopefully by myself. I’m not ignoring your drawings, because creativity does help. Writing about it is brave and awesome. And stepping outside usually helps me, too.
      I’d be lying if I said I exercised to get the endorphin rush. But you knew that.April 11, 2013 – 1:24 pmReplyCancel

      • admin - Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear that. Depression is a mean, mean thing. And yeah, while exercising to get the endorphins SOUNDS good, it’s hard to do. Especially if you’re feeling sad.April 11, 2013 – 5:27 pmReplyCancel

    • Melissa S. - No need to feel sorry! My English prof said it made me a better writer, lol. Always an upside ;)April 11, 2013 – 5:41 pmReplyCancel

      • admin - I’ll bet it does. I do some of my best writing when I’m feeling down. You rock.April 11, 2013 – 5:42 pmReplyCancel

    • Molley@A Mother Life - That’s rough. It’s hard when you get into that slump. I hope you can find the right help to get yourself back. Thank you for sharing this on the Hump Day Hook UpApril 12, 2013 – 1:42 pmReplyCancel

      • admin - Thanks for hosting it! And funnily enough, blogging and linking up with cool people like you helps so much!April 12, 2013 – 5:38 pmReplyCancel

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