Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

What the Month of June Feels Like

What the Month of June Feels Like

The month of June feels like school papers left in empty hallways, later bedtimes, and clock-less poolside afternoons.

June holds promise of sweaty adventures had in fresh-cut grass.

June is fireflies, flip flops, and the birth of fairies.

It’s the neighbor’s music dancing through open windows.

The month of June also feels like self doubt, bathing suits, and wishing we’d worked harder on our bodies in the gray, short days of February. It reminds us our skin remembers each year, and each sunburn, even though we don’t.

It’s the month we regret nachos eaten under the invisibility of sweaters and puffy jackets.

It’s the time when we think we’ve been okay with aging but now realize that our stomach belongs to an older, more maternal version of ourselves.

It’s the month of new sunscreen and wondering whether a doctor would call a spot on our arm an age spot, were we to ask. We don’t ask.

The month of June feels like the next letting go.

We decide to try swim team, and sit in the shade thinking “He’s ready for this,” while silencing the whop-whop-whop of our helicoptering that sounds too close to “Not ready.”

Whop-Whop-Whop

Not-Read-y

Whop-Whop-Whop

Not-Read-y

We silence the whops and know that we can walk away if it’s too much for him. We hope it’s not too much for him. Swim team will be good for all of us.

We remember when he couldn’t swim, when the only water was from the bath unless he wore a life jacket that had a yoga strap tethered to us at the beach. It’s remembering the best part of the year. Of the day. Of being here. 

We think about how far we’ve come.

We’re taken to tonight.

It’s now June, and his feet leak pool on the concrete as he finds you, and his towel.

He wraps his arms around you, and water and chlorine seep through your too-old, too-maternal belly.

“You’re warm,” he says.

And we let June in. We let tonight in. 

We let this age in, nacho regrets and all.

We absorb his shivers with our age-spotted arms, our no-longer-30-year-old breasts.

We realize that being closer to 50 than to childhood is as it should be.

We sigh, and feel grateful to have eaten with our children before taking them to bed in an air-conditioned home.

If we were still a child ourselves, we’d not be holding this one, and trusting the world with him. Trusting him with the world.

If we were a child in the month of June, we’d not be able to see what the child in front of us will do with this summer. We vow to do better

What we’ll do with the promise of adventures in weeds and in rivers. We also can’t help but realize that these sweaty adventures will burn some of that too-old, too-maternal belly fat. But, not too much, because when he shivers from the pool or the rain, we’re warm. 

We’re warm. And maybe, that’s all we’re supposed to be in this moment, in this time. 

***

This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post. This week’s sentence is “Hey, June…”
Talk about how June makes you better, how you’ll make June better, or about the Beatles. Talk about June (and yes, I know it’s Jude but that’s the tune in my head).
The link-up will stay open through Sunday evening, so plenty of time to talk about summer, June, or, you know – the Beatles.

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  • Kerry - June is fireflies, flip flops, and the birth of fairies.
    It’s the neighbor’s music dancing through open windows.

    I love all this Kristi. I hope you have a fantastic June. I would love to take part in this one, as this particular June is super meaningful and important to me, but I am flying early tomorrow morning. Not sure I have time, as I still have not finished packing. Oops!

    🙂

    So, maybe if I finish fast and have an hour or so of time in the middle of tonight, as I can’t sleep and am waiting for my ride to the airport.

    Either way, I may still write my June post in the next one, tying it together with whatever next week’s sentence starter is or something.June 2, 2017 – 8:53 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Kerry and I’d LOVE to hear about your June. I hope you write about it whether it’s in time or not (also I can always add links later although I don’t think the other participants go back to read, if that matters). I hope you’re going somewhere amazing and wonderful and that you have a fantastic June and weekend and evening!!! Also? I always pack at the last minute. I’m convinced it works best.June 2, 2017 – 9:31 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - “We realize that being closer to 50 than to childhood is as it should be.” Yeah, so true. I sometimes find closer to 50 hard to digest, but right now it’s exactly what’s meant to be.
    This is beautiful…love every bit of it. June is indeed all of those things.June 4, 2017 – 7:16 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - This was sweet and beautiful and vivid…and how awesome about swim team. The mere fact that he wants to try it is what matters. Whether it ends up being too much or not enough or just perfect isn’t as important as the fact that he is willing to take the risk and try…I’ve been trying to convince Little dude to try rowing (crew) next spring since he recently dropped playing baseball and doesn’t seem that enamored with tennis either…we’ll see!June 4, 2017 – 7:18 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Emily. I think you’re right that him wanting to try it is amazing, and well, yikes, still. AWWW to Little Dude doing Crew! I tried crew for a minute in college but they made us wake up way too early. It seems like such an awesome sport though. Tux hasn’t loved any sport much so far. Flag Football has been the best but my husband was coach so that was a big thing (some coaches were crazy mean, I think I said before). xoxo and HAPPY JUNE!!!June 4, 2017 – 11:52 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - So beautiful, poetic and nostagic. This reminded me of being a child more than being and adult mother. There was more freedom in June back then.

    I hope Tucker does well with swimming. Christopher loved swimming lessons until they asked him to be on the swim team. THen he told me he just wanted to swim by himself not with everybody. So that was the end of that.

    As for being an adult now #stupidnachosJune 5, 2017 – 12:55 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Kenya! There really was more freedom back then. I feel like parents didn’t worry so much, even though we didn’t have cell phones or any way to get in touch except to come home for dinner. I hope Tucker does well with swimming, too. We’ll see. I’m not sure he’s got the skill to do the team but we’re going to try it. Some neighbor kids that he looks up to are doing it too, so that might help.June 5, 2017 – 7:28 pmReplyCancel

  • Roshni - Hahha! Hey June, definitely did remind me of Jude!
    I love June just because the kids will be out of school! I so hate schedules and so love summer!!June 6, 2017 – 7:34 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - LOL Roshni! I love June too… although poor Tucker has 12 more days of school!June 7, 2017 – 9:04 pmReplyCancel

  • Allison G smith - First if all, you always ask the doctor – and pray he says yes, it’s an age spot. Your June sounds lovely. Mine is chaotic. Cammy started tennis this week, really not sure he’s ready. Guess he’ll be a runner. It really is the easiest and friendliest sport.June 15, 2017 – 8:18 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I know I suck at the doctor stuff… June has been chaotic here too, although Tux and I went to the beach for a few days, which so helped. A runner is NOT the easiest, at least for me. I’ve hated running above all else since I was a kid… and so admire those who find peace in it!June 15, 2017 – 11:10 pmReplyCancel

  • Just J - This was truly lovely. You are coming to trust him more and yourself more, and accepting that in order for him to grow older you must as well, it is the natural progression of things and it is good. Fun as it might seem, we really don’t want to be our 20 or 40 year old selves forever, what matters most is that you son sees you as a warm refuge from the world, and always will.June 15, 2017 – 1:10 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thank you for that perspective! It’s true, them seeing us as a warm refuge matters so much more than the rest of it! Thank you!June 15, 2017 – 11:11 pmReplyCancel

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