Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

Our Country Voted for The Guy Who Hates People who are Brown, Black, Disabled, LGBTQ, or Female. Now What?

On Tuesday, I walked into a local school, showed my ID and got a ballot, voted, put it in the scanner, and stuck an “I Voted” sticker to my shirt. I wore it all day. I lingered outside and called my husband. I wanted to tell him that the lines were good right now (he’d gone to vote at 6am and found a long line) but mostly, I wanted to breathe the moment.

To remember.

I got into my car and cried.

Then I took a selfie.

voted

Voting is always emotional, but with this election, I felt present in history. Proud to stand up against the hate-spewing assclown who makes fun of people with disabilities, calls a deaf actress “retarded,” and has said that Mexicans coming into our country are rapists and drug dealers.

He’s been on tape talking about grabbing women by their privatest of parts, saying that Americans should exercise second amendment rights against his opponent, and well, so much more. We all know the more by now, and there are better articles and websites that detail his stunning rise to power better than I’m able to.

***

“Tickle my belly?” It was bedtime on election night, and my not-so-little-little boy rolled over holding his Minecraft Ghast stuffy to his chest. He’s at the wanting-me-at-night while pushing the limits of independence-after-school stage while sometimes telling me to go away at bedtime because he’s “mostly big now.”

“Shhh,” I said. “It’s time to go to sleep.”

“I love you,” I said. He took my hand and held it against him. I waited long past his deep breathing sleep breaths while breathing. Remembering that this life is our life. That this home is our home. That this boy will have services until I die because I will do what needs to be done for him in spite of this election.

***

I walked downstairs, transferred my “I Voted” sticker to a piece of paper, and wrote that I’d just voted for the first (hopefully) woman president. I only put “hopefully” in because of jinx factors. I was sure she’d win and wanted my son to have a memento in a scrapbook or a box years from now.

with-her

I wanted him to know that I was here. In history. That in a way, he was, too.

My not-so-little-little boy is newly seven, developmentally delayed, and does not have the maturity nor the years to absorb that a man who makes fun of people that are closer to him than they aren’t might become president.

And still, I breathe.

***

On Tuesday, I left work, picked my son up, and he saw my “I Voted” sticker. “You voted?” he said. “Yes,” I said, and we went to Chipotle. I looked at the projected polls, and felt good.

***

I stayed up too late, not believing but knowing that this person who says “Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything.” “Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.” might win. HE WAS WINNING. 

I watched the polls, and I cried, still sure that one of the states remaining gray on the map would turn blue.

I woke at 3am, and didn’t look. I woke again at 4am, because my son had a bad dream. I almost texted my husband “tell me don’t tell me,” but didn’t, because I already knew.

I already knew. 

Our Country Voted for The Guy Who Hates People who are Brown, Black, Disabled, LGBTQ or Female

I cried the next morning at breakfast as I told my son about Trump’s win. “But he’s the one who made fun of people, right?” he said.

“Yes,” I said.

We walked to the bus stop and I told him not to talk about it. That some people would be really sad like I was but that many people were really happy and that was okay too. I say this. I don’t believe this. But my son is seven and developmentally delayed and it’s my job to make it so that the world is amazing and that finding a way to build robots matters more right now. 

***

I came home and bawled. Wondered how people voted for him.

Angry.

But then, I remembered that there are smart people who voted for Trump, too. I know a few of them. Not every single Trump voter can be a racist bigoted hate-filled person, right?

Maybe they voted for him because they believe he’ll help the economy. Maybe Obamacare didn’t work for them. Maybe, they’re smart people who are afraid of terrorism, of borders, or for their safety.

Yes, there are Trump supporters who are bigoted haters but certainly the haters don’t make up the entire population of those who voted republican in this election, right? Certainly there are some who believe in a land of empathy and wonder. Who don’t hate.

Maybe, they’re scared. Maybe they want a president who has zero ties to lobbyists, to funding that comes with cost, to I don’t know. I’m still crying and my brain is blurred by knowing that our next president would probably make fun of my son for his speech and other delays.

In the meantime, I’m not moving to Canada. I’m staying here. I will fight for my our friends whose skin has more pigment than ours being welcome here. I will be the safe place when it feels like the country we call home isn’t safe.

I stay in America to say that NO always means NO. To say that our fellow humans who are gay and gender neutral or still trying to figure it out, I’m here, and you’re welcome in our home.

“Never stop believing that fighting for what’s right is worth it.”

We watch a man make fun of a journalist who has a hand that’s different from his, and we sob. 

And still, we breathe.

I know that we WILL keep making this world better. In spite of and despite the electoral vote, which is not the popular vote, and also something I don’t understand and need to learn more about. Tonight though, all I can do is write to process my grief and my fear.

Yes, it’s grief that I feel. And that’s just fine. 

***

This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post, with this week’s sentence being

“When it comes to the unexpected or to change…”

Link up at http://www.findingninee.com or at Denise Scott Geelhart‘s blog http://jayhawkmommy.com/ (Denise is this week’s co-host and sentence thinker-upper).

 

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  • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - Yup, I’m right with you on all of this.
    As easy as it might be to do so, I don’t think we can just lump all of his supporters into one group of homogeneous haters. I know people who chose him; they are good people who truly are operating in what they believe is in the interest of themselves and their families – as are we all. I know it sounds kind of Pollyanna to say that, but what are we if we can’t be compassionate and at least try to understand? Do I think some of those people are true haters )of whichever group you want to insert here)? Yes, absolutely. But if I’m being honest, then I have to accept that people who supported Clinton probably are haters of some group as well.
    This is all going to be part of a tough road. I sent Zilla to school with the same directive – don’t discuss it and don’t let anyone get in your face about it. Now I suppose it’s my job to teach her how to take all of this upset and anger and channel it into something positive.
    Love you! Great choice this week.November 10, 2016 – 11:11 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks Lisa and love you too! And yeah, I know some really good, smart people who voted for Trump as well and I know that they, like you said, voted for what they believe will be best for them and for their families, just like we did.November 12, 2016 – 7:39 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - I’m grieving too. For the country I hoped we were, for the future I thought we had. But like you, I believe that we will keep making the world better. It’s just going to be harder than it should be.November 10, 2016 – 11:55 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Here’s to keeping on trying to do what we can to make the world better. XOXONovember 12, 2016 – 7:40 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - I like how you’ve articulated your grief, because you are also trying to understand the Trump supporters (rather than lash out) and how/why they voted for him. As I said in Janine’s post, this election was so not normal and all we can do now is support our new President and hope and PRAY that he can lead this country in a healthy and positive direction.November 11, 2016 – 9:03 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - This election was cray cray completely right? Sigh. And thank you! Certainly he won’t be allowed to say some of what he’s said once he’s in office, right? Right?November 12, 2016 – 7:41 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - This change is definitely unexpected. I don’t want to hate the sitiuation or the man because that is too big of a burden to carry. I’m dissappointed and that burden is big enough. I’m still a little emotionally checked out…November 11, 2016 – 9:36 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You’re right about hating being too big of a burden to carry and I thank you for that reminder. I’m still a bit checked out too.November 12, 2016 – 7:42 pmReplyCancel

  • Rabia @ The Liebers - We’ve been dealt this hand. The question now is “what do we do next?” And my choice is to continue to teach my children that our differences make us better, that all people have value, and that love wins. I am choosing to engage with positive people who want to make good things happen and making sure that my disenfranchised friends know that I support them.November 11, 2016 – 11:43 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - That sounds like a great idea Rabia – focusing on our disenfranchised friends and continuing to teach that love wins – especially to our children!November 12, 2016 – 7:45 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @TheGoldenSpoons - This election has been stressful and hurtful to so many on both sides of it and, whether it made them happy or sad, everyone was surprised by the final outcome. Thank you for sharing your feelings about it. I hope and pray that we can move forward with positivity and grace and get back to being the UNITED States of America somehow. XOXONovember 11, 2016 – 4:48 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Lisa, and I agree that the focus should be on getting back to being the UNITED states once again. We’re probably closer to that than we realize.November 12, 2016 – 7:46 pmReplyCancel

  • marcia @Menopausalmom - Grieving right there with you. I am still in shock and have shed my share of tears. I’m trying to be accepting of the election results, but in all honestly, I am terrified of what comes next…..November 12, 2016 – 12:24 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I’m afraid of what comes next too Marcia. Here’s hoping that EVERYBODY remembers love wins <3November 12, 2016 – 7:53 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerry - Oh Kristi. I know you would fight fiercely for your son’s rights and happiness, as a mother with a child who deals with a disability, no matter what. I am up here in Canada, but I worry for the direction the world is headed, not just the US. This just wasn’t a big shock to me. I hoped she would win but I knew this could happen, but the days since have left me feeling uncomfortable in my skin. So many want to have the man running things who spoke so blatantly awfully toward women. I feel unheard as a woman, all concerns about the language used and the intentions behind it. Are women so worthless to things, even and especially the way so many women looked the other way at his words and voted for him anyway? can never unheard that. I think this has been one giant con, but it is not my country. I can only look from my place in the country right above. I am scared and everyone talking of getting behind him sounds all wonderful, except it seems to be tearing the country apart as the slippery slope becomes slicker and slicker. It is a run away train of risk and danger and I study history and I have seen this ignoring of the past which can repeat itself. I feel like I see more clearly than many who have working eyes. It is a lonely place to be, even when I know I am not really alone. I feel like I am shouting fire in a crowded theater and my voice fails me. I am sorry for your tears and because you so hoped to see a first female president. That is a loss, but this is a bigger issue than winners and losers. The whole world will lose in the end. Sorry for the doom. What a week. I feel like I’m dreaming some ridiculous dream, but I still try to listen to the people and their reasons, for why things are how they are. I don’t know how any parent or teacher educates or preaches against bullying now. I can’t argue with anyone because it is exhausting, but I do appreciate these times when we write our realities and share our fears. I feel like I can’t fully express mine.November 12, 2016 – 9:03 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I guess you saw the signs better than I did, Kerry, because honestly, it was a shock to me although I feel silly saying that now. I feel unheard as a woman as well, but I also know some smart women who voted for him and they have their reasons – Obamacare being a big one for them…
      Please don’t feel the need to apologize for the doom – it’s crazy and scary and sad. I think you expressed your reality really well but know that we all have so much more to say and some of it needs to be kept in private circles in person or something (as in not on our websites). Hugs, friend.November 14, 2016 – 11:51 pmReplyCancel

  • My Inner Chick - —I always LOVE clicking over here.

    I’m so sick of the HATE out there.

    When people say Horrid, Mean, Degrading things
    about Trump Supporters, they are talking about half
    of my family. They are NOT racists. And I love them ( even though they were wrong! )

    I’m a Nasty Woman, but I still respect, dare I say, the people who did not vote for her. ( Except if they are spreading hate )

    *** And still, I breathe. ***

    love! xNovember 12, 2016 – 3:12 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - GAW I love YOU. And yeah, I’m sick of the hate out there too…. And still, we breathe. There’s no way that they all support hate. I know that with all of me. I also know that he does and that just plain is awful. xxooNovember 14, 2016 – 11:52 pmReplyCancel

  • Nick - Hi,

    I love the content you put on your site. I run declarebody.com, do you have any interest in working together? I’d love to guest post on your blog or visa versa.

    Thanks,
    NickDecember 23, 2016 – 1:23 amReplyCancel

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