Have you ever wondered about your unchosen choices? Wondered about a cross-country move, the branch of a career path, or maybe a blind date?
Do our decisions, both large and seemingly insignificant, bring us to where we are today?
I wonder how much they matter. I wonder whether they matter at all, or matter even more than I realize.
I’ve made a lot of decisions during this lifetime. Some have been made by not making a decision. Fear of choosing wrongly has, at times, paralyzed me to the point that I wait too long to choose, and have the choice then made for me as my options have run out.
Here are a few of the decisions that I think have mattered:
Saying hi to the girl who sat next to me in third grade and summoning the nerve to call and ask her if she wanted to play. Even though she said no, at first. She ended up being my best friend for many years.Tenacity pays off.
Going to California for college in spite of the fact that I knew I’d run out of money long before graduation announcements were sent.
Not marrying the bad boy who was my world at the wise age of 17.
Walking away. More than twice. More than I want to admit to, and maybe, more than is expected.
Running forward. Hanging on to friends during times when the only thing we had in common was the memory of powerful minutes.
Ordering the nachos instead of the veggie plate.
Saying yes to a job promotion that took me far away from friends, family, and the life I knew.
Saying no to a later job that would have filled my pockets but not my heart.
Rescuing Chief, who ended up rescuing me.
Taking a chance on online dating. Trusting Robert with my once-broken heart.
Ordering the veggie plate instead of the nachos.
Finding my birth mother. Flying across the country to meet her. To meet her daughter. My sister. Looking like people.
Listening to Tucker’s teacher when I wanted to put my hands over my ears. Trusting her when she said that Preschool Autism Class would be the best thing.
Finding Ninee. Reaching out. Finding you.
Auditioning for Listen to your Mother. And being (maybe mostly notreally) okay if they didn’t choose me. Tucker. Did I say that one? Tucker.
Those, my friends, are the choices I’ve chosen. Perhaps there are times when I’ve said yes when I should’ve said no, and said no, when I should’ve said yes. And sometimes, I wonder about them. Mostly without regret, but I wonder.
And then I think about thislife.
And I realize that all of my yeses and nos were the very best decisions I’ve made.
This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post. Today’s sentence was “The best decision I ever made was…” and was brought to you by Lizzi. But, she pussied out and says she’s too busy or whatever. Your hosts: Janine: Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic Kate: Can I get another bottle of whine? Stephanie: Mommy, for Real Me (Kristi): Finding Ninee